To leave the baby to dh for the rest of the evening?

(60 Posts)
Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 16:51:52

4 month old dd wakes for a feed at 4am. I always do this (am a bit of an insomniac anyway). Then she wakes at 6.30. I'd happy to come into our bd and lay down/cuddle etc for an hour or so, but is very figety, so no way I can get back to sleep.

Dh has today and tomorrow off work. It's not the job from hell, it's a v cushy council job, flexi time, only 9-5, only a ten min fri from home.today he's tired. He woke at 11. From 7.30 to 11 I was entertaining dd and doing housework.

To be fair, most weekends he wakes with us at half seven, but a lot of the time he'll sleep in.

Went back to bed when dd had her nap at 1.

It's almost 5 and ha still asleep. Dd has jus gone down for a nap. I've put her on the bed next to him and now I'm in the garden with wine.

I don't intend to do another bloody thing all evening apart from sitting in the garden. When she wakes up in 20 mins he can deal with her and carry on until dh goes down for the night at 8.30.

I'm fucking shattered, but life goes on.

I've also done all the housework for the past two weeks as he'll do some if asked, but expects to be treated like the second coming for doing the hovering. He's not my child or my lodger, so him expecting gratitude for it makes me think forget it then, ill just bloody do it.

I'm so pissed off.

Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 16:53:09

And I am so sorry none of that makes sense, bloody auto correct. I hope you can make sense of it

Seriouslyffs Thu 31-Jul-14 16:53:23

Can you go out? Round to a friends or the cinema? You're shattered and he'll cope.
flowers

Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 16:56:51

I just want I sit here and not be responsible for anyone. My ds is 12, so he's happy doing his own thing.

I'm sick to death of being the 'default' parent. It's always me when dd wakes etc. breastfeeding didn't work out, I was mix feeding but it's all gone now, so that's not even an excuse.

BlackDaisies Thu 31-Jul-14 17:02:12

Definitely leave her with him and have some time to yourself. But I wouldn't leave her on the bed next to him if he's asleep and doesn't know she's there. Could she go into a cot near him?

fieldfare Thu 31-Jul-14 17:05:27

Enjoy your wine and leave him to it. If you're feeling that hacked off and knackered, have a nice dinner, a couple of glasses of wine and go to bed. Tell him that you would like him to get up in the night as he's off tomorrow and you'll be having a lay in until whatever time you naturally wake.

PushPineapple Thu 31-Jul-14 17:05:35

How much sleep does your husband seem to need? Is he unwell?

He goes to bed at 8.30, did I read that right? Typically he'd get up at 7.30?

Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 17:05:38

She always takes her naps on the bed (sleeps in a bedside cot at night but will not sleep in it in the day).

It's a super kingsize, there is about 4ft between them, so no danger.

Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 17:06:38

Gah, I meant dd goes down at 8.30, not dh!

We go to bed at tenish.

Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 17:11:26

He has got up in the night before.

The first time she was 8 weeks (she was breastfed at night before then) but she messed with the bottle and he said "for fucks sake, what's wrong with you". He apologised the next day. We all get frustrated, but it's unacceptable to me for my baby to be spoken to like that.

He's done night feeds twice since then, but both times I've woken anyway, been on high alert incase he's horrible again etc. he wasn't, it was a one off, but it's not worth it.

He's got is with her at half six a few times too, but if he does that, he'll go back to bed for a couple of hours when I wake, or sleep away the afternoon, so again not worth it.

Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 19:43:16

Did he fuck take her.

He surfaced at 6 and has had a face like thunder since.

SpringItOn Thu 31-Jul-14 19:49:41

You need to get yourself out of the house on your own tomorrow. Don't ask, tell him & go flowers

Writerwannabe83 Thu 31-Jul-14 19:50:34

edie - it sounds awful and you sound like you're at breaking point.

I have a 4 month old DS too and I know how exhausting it can be and how frustrating it can feel when a partner isn't pulling their weight.

I used to be the default parent too (still am to an extent) but I'm much better at being assertive now. If DS is being restless or I just want a break I pick him up, put him in DH's arms and say, "Here's your son, it's your turn," and then I just walk away.

Things seem very tense in your household, was your relationship ok before DS arrived?

Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 19:54:46

No not really it was always a bit crap. Especially after pregnancy (planned btw).

I'm fed up. He's taken her off for her bedtime bottle but in silence. Am expecting him to fall asleep with her.

How do I change this?

Ds dad was like this. I spent three years watching bob the fucking builder on my own with ds from 5 am. Dh promised he wouldn't be like this.

Pyjamaramadrama Thu 31-Jul-14 19:55:10

You are definitely not being unreasonable. He sounds like the pain in the arse.

Although really sorry I wouldn't leave her on the bed if he's asleep. She could roll off.

Fairylea Thu 31-Jul-14 19:56:49

Why is he sleeping so much?? Seems really odd.

My dh sleeps more heavily than me and works about 50 hours a week but I always wake him up at 7.30 ish on days off as I'm normally up at 6 am with our toddler aged 2 (also have dd aged 11 from previous marriage - similar age gap to yours). If it's gone half an hour and dh has gone back to sleep I'll bring him a tea and then start texting him are you awake non stop until he gets up. He doesn't get a lie in unless I get one. To be fair he always apologises when he gets up if he's slept over. He's just not good at getting up but I don't let him sleep in when I'm up. That's not fair.

What happens if you keep waking your dp up?

Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 19:57:01

I love my dd. I really do. But 4 months of doing everything?

I may as well be single. At least id only have me and the dc to clean up after.

Pyjamaramadrama Thu 31-Jul-14 19:58:26

I've just re read that. Why the fuck is he sleeping so much? He got up at 11 then went back to bed from 1 until 5?

He needs to shape up or ship out.

Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 20:00:29

She can't roll off - the bedside cot is right up against the bed. It has a flip up side that acts like a beg guard when she is on the bed. She's fine like that, honestly. I co slept with ds for 5 years, I know all the precautions etc.

He doesn't wake up. Or he does and then goes in a strop so it's not worth it.

His line is "what's the point in us both being knackered". Which would be fine if say, I was up with the baby and he did some cleaning.
But it's all me. I'm tired.

Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 20:02:51

He says I doesn't expect cleaning. He'd be happy to line in a shit hole, but I can't do that. I need to live in a clean/tidy house, so I just do it. He can't see dirt. Ffs. Yes you can, you just can't be arsed to clean it.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 31-Jul-14 20:03:38

So it's

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 31-Jul-14 20:04:09

So it's ok for just you to be knackered.

Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 20:04:29

pjama because he works. I don't. I = greatful skivvy.

Pyjamaramadrama Thu 31-Jul-14 20:05:00

Ah ok I see, sorry!

It sounds really lonely. I'm surprised that you all didn't do something nice today as he was off. Will he listen if you speak to him about the way he's being?

Edieandkoala Thu 31-Jul-14 20:08:58

No. He full of shit about nice stuff we'll do. Always big talk but it never happens. We were supposed to have a day out today before ds goes to stay with how dad for two weeks tomorrow. We took dc out to lunch, he had a strop on because he was tired. Came back for one and he went to bed.

I keep telling him, everyone with children is tired. You just ah be to get on and enjoy life regardless.

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