To think that if you are going to insist on dishing out unwanted parenting advice

(66 Posts)
sillysausage712 Thu 31-Jul-14 11:36:49

You should at least try to do it without being so patronising?

A girl I used to go to school with has recently got in touch with me through FB. she realised I now have a child so the conversation quickly changed to him. we haven't spoken to each other since school so she was asking a lot of questions like "how long have you been with the babies father? I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years I bet that seems soo long to you" I have been with my partner for almost 6 years now...

she asked where I live " oh that must be quite cheap on benefits" yes, I'm sure it would be however I do not claim any benefits.

I was getting pretty miffed at this point so tried to steer the conversation on to herself. she started telling me about her work, she has been helping out in a nursery for 3 days a week for about 2 months now " so if I ever need information or advice I know who to ask" I did the polite thing and gave her a token thank you. A few moments later and I receive a message saying " when little sausage is older you should send him to nursery to develop his 'skills' please don't take this to heart i'm just trying to help because I know a thing or two about what babies/children need"

Now I haven't said anything to suggest he will NOT be going to nursery and if she didn't include the ' please don't take this to heart' crap I don't think I would have been offended.

My child is 8 months old and he is doing just fine, I care for him day in and day out. I really don't think I need parenting advice from a woman who has no children or even younger siblings and only two months of part time childcare experience under her belt.

Am I being too sensitive or would you find this patronising too?

Writerwannabe83 Thu 31-Jul-14 11:42:57

I have a friend who because her baby was born about 18 months before mine it means she's 'been there, seen it, done it all' and is always giving me "helpful tips" on what I should do with my baby. In fact I know a lot of mothers who do this.

I just breathe deeply, smile and inwardly tell them to piss off.

I doubt they are intentionally being patronising and I'm sure they don't mean to offend but it is bloody annoying!

YANBU smile

sezamcgregor Thu 31-Jul-14 11:43:17

I think that I'd message her back saying that you don't plan to send DS to nursery as you're going to Homeschool him so there would be no point grin

sillysausage712 Thu 31-Jul-14 11:47:31

I forgot this little gem.

" also you should try to play with your baby as much as possible. Leaving him in a chair or buggy all day won't help his development"

so as well as having a baby with a man I barely know and claiming every benefit under the sun, I now just leave my child to play by himself all day too.

sebsmummy1 Thu 31-Jul-14 11:50:12

Fucking hell she seems a charmer. Do you have to stay friends with this girl? Block?

SallyMcgally Thu 31-Jul-14 11:50:31

She sounds a little unhinged. YANBU

I have a friend who has more children than me, and she seems to think this entitles her to dish out parenting advice too, even through her oldest is younger than my oldest, and she employs a nanny to look after them anyway!

Serenitysutton Thu 31-Jul-14 11:53:18

Oh dear. She sounds quite stupid. Very stupid in fact. Oh well, just think, one day you could
Reach the same heady heights as her, having a boyfriend for 2 years AND working for free in childcare. Only if you're really lucky though

MummyBeerest Thu 31-Jul-14 11:53:45

She's being a bitch, deliberately.

Why did you lose touch before?

Writerwannabe83 Thu 31-Jul-14 11:53:52

grin grin @ "unhinged"

I haven't heard that saying in ages!! grin

Id probably give her a patronising smile and say "yes that's right sweetheart, I'm so glad your paying attention because honestly id be worried about someone like you if you had no childcare experience before you have kids" (in my head as IRL I would just make my excuses and avoid them forevermore)

Block, sounds like she is jealous and sticking the knife in. What a bitch.

Staryyeyedsurprise Thu 31-Jul-14 11:56:44

Yes she's being patronising, but it seems in an almost evangelical way. I think it's coming from a good place even if poorly executed.

I did laugh at this though I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years I bet that seems soo long to you - I'd love to know what she meant!

sezamcgregor Thu 31-Jul-14 11:59:10

Either she's feeling overcome with her new found knowledge and cannot wait to impart it onto you (and believes that she knows things that no-one else ever thought of) - perhaps she thought before working in the nursery that it is okay to leave baby in a pram all day and is genuinely blown away by the thought of playing with them!

OR she has something like Aspergers. My aspie friend often states the obvious as helpful comments - she means well.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 31-Jul-14 11:59:51

Goes way beyond patronising. It's almost as though she has deliberately tracked you down through FB to have a pop. Being a know-it-all about parenting on the strength of a part time job wiping kids' arses is one thing but why is she going on about benefits etc? Did you do something horrible to her when you were at school together? Is she getting her own back for past wrongs?

TwinkleDust Thu 31-Jul-14 12:01:06

try "I think you may be confusing me with somebody else..."

sillysausage712 Thu 31-Jul-14 12:01:20

we just shared a few classes at school. we were friendly to each other but we was not friends just simply classmates.

runningonwillpower Thu 31-Jul-14 12:02:52

Unsolicited advice is always what you want.

Like, I'm just sitting here in a misery of confusion - thank God you just happened along.

She sounds like an immature self-absorbed twat.

I'd keep in touch for the comedy value.

VodkaJelly Thu 31-Jul-14 12:08:58

My DD is 18 months old and was not planned. At the grand of age of 40 it was a shock.

One woman at work loves to give me advice on how to bring up my daughter, you need to do xx or yy or zz. I just smile and nod and then mutter under my breath "yes, and I also have a 13 year old , 15 year old and 19 year old at home, i think i know what i am doing by now"

Drives me bonkers. I dont give advice unless it is asked for or having a general discussion.

sillysausage712 Thu 31-Jul-14 12:09:57

she doesn't have aspergers or anything like that and I didn't upset her at school.

I think unhinged sounds about right.

"Dear 'Friend'

Please don't take this to heart, but you are being condescending and arrogant, and if you don't stop, you will have one less friend than you do now.

For your information - I have been with my dp for 6 years - so if you ever need any advice on how to make a relationship work past the 2 year mark, please ask; I don't claim any benefits, I don't need telling to play with my child, and I am more than capable of deciding when he is ready for nursery. Oh, and if I need advice, I will ask someone who has some real-life experience of parenting - thank you!

You need to know how offensive it is when you make assumptions about another person, and offer patronising advice based on those assumptions - but as I said, please don't take this to heart!

Sillysausage."

FrankSaysNo Thu 31-Jul-14 12:10:57

Why have you not deleted and blocked already? I would have

Greyhound Thu 31-Jul-14 12:13:04

What a know it all.

My SIL was the same. Told me my newborn should get into a routine straight away, that kind of thing. I wouldn't mind, but her son is a proper little horror and always has been.

sillysausage712 Thu 31-Jul-14 12:18:10

she has been blocked and deleted. although I'm wishing I hadn't blocked her now so I can send her SDTG reply.

maras2 Thu 31-Jul-14 12:21:07

How come I don't know any of these FB weirdo's.I'd love the chance to elaborate on ODFOD.If only to help develop my diplomatic skills. smile

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