to think DS is being treated differently

(14 Posts)
zazA09Jane Thu 31-Jul-14 00:58:07

ive recently seperated from DP, ive always got on ok with his parents, (they have 4 grandchildren including Ds)

ever since he was born they have had hardly anything to do with him, they see one grandchild every monday, and the other two every Wednesday, which are set days for them every week and they go for days out ect.. but they never try and arrange to see my son at all, they live 15 mins away and see him about once a month/two month! i text them asking if they want me to bring him over yet they never reply, exDP asks them but they just say their busy..

for christmases aswell they have spent alot of money on the other three (I know this cause I see the toys in the shops) and they just get my son something cheap..

they get the others to call her grandma.. and get ds to call her nanna (dont know whats with that at all? maybe not on purpose but..)

lastly, they are fine with him when he is with them, but they spend 80% of the time comparing him to the other three 'hes walking nowhere near as fast as our harry did' I really dont know if I should say something or not I dont know.. suggestions?

ICanSeeTheSun Thu 31-Jul-14 01:08:16

I bet the other GC are their daughter children.

I would rather go no contact rather than see my child being treated second best.

Happy36 Thu 31-Jul-14 01:11:12

Tell them, gently, how you feel. They may be unaware. Be polite.

Can you mention this to your ex-partner too?

What are their cousins' parents like? Can they play together independent of granny?

Preciousbane Thu 31-Jul-14 08:13:41

My immediate thought was the same as Ican not that I understand it but have read so many incidences of it in here.

KnackeredMuchly Thu 31-Jul-14 08:29:11

This needs to be sorted out now before he gets older and notices/cares.

Squidstirfry Thu 31-Jul-14 08:45:49

Favouritism is very sad. It could have something to do with your seperating, if they are traditional in their views etc.

What about your own parents?

BerylStreep Thu 31-Jul-14 08:57:37

My PILs are exactly like this. DH has 2 sisters, and our DC definitely come bottom of the pecking order after his sister's children. Everything my DC do is seen in a frame of reference to one of the other GC - for example, if my DD was in bad form, MIL would say 'She's just like Katherine, she always gets in bad form if her blood sugars drop'.

We asked if there was any chance of MIL helping out with childcare for 2 days over the whole summer, and her response was 'I couldn't possibly, I need to be there for poor Katherine' hmm.

It's not nice, and I simmer with resentment a lot of the time. We raised it with her a number of years ago, and she totally denied it and caused quite a lot of angst. We just keep them at arms length now, but DC notice the favouritism towards the other GC.

The irony is that MIL's own mother did this to her, and apparently she spent DH's childhood saying she would never ever play favourites with her DC and DGC the way her mother did, and would always treat them equally. hmm

dotsandspots Thu 31-Jul-14 09:05:15

I has this growing up. Was favourite GC with one grandmother and low down the pecking order with other grandmother. I didn't realise it until I was order.

It's a very childish way to behave. I'm not sure saying anything will have any effect really. I would keep him at arm's length personally. It's nice to have grandparents but they need to be caring and supportive ones not ones who make you feel inferior and unloved.

wheresthelight Thu 31-Jul-14 09:07:31

It's perfectly natural and normal to compare the things younger kids do in relation to older ones

As for ignoring him try talking to them about how you feel calmly and see what happens

zazA09Jane Thu 31-Jul-14 12:50:52

yeah I suppose, at least im an only child and my parents adore him as their only grandchild.. my mother is like a second mummy to him ao I guess that makes up for 2 sets of grandparents

DamnIWishIWasYourLover Thu 31-Jul-14 14:51:52

I no longer have any c

DamnIWishIWasYourLover Thu 31-Jul-14 14:52:00

C

DamnIWishIWasYourLover Thu 31-Jul-14 14:52:44

Grrrr! I no longer have contact with my family as they favour my sisters children and my children are at an age where they notice it

Iconfuseus Thu 31-Jul-14 14:56:16

Are the children different genders? A friend of mine had one sister and one brother. His grandparents doted on his sister, but practically ignored him and his brother. It was strange and my friend found it hurtful.

We are very lucky, my PIL have lots of grandchildren but they are wonderful and treat them all equally.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

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