To think its quite strange how some women move from best friend to best friend all the time?(37 Posts)
I know, strange title but it was the best way I could think of to describe it!!
I was good friends with someone for a couple of years, when she suddenly went all cold and off-ish with me. I was really upset and asked her if I'd done anything wrong, she said no. I couldn't think of anything I'd done wrong, so I just left her to get on with it. She was then good friends for a while with a friend of mine that I had introduced her to, and was spending loads of time with her, and then suddenly she went cold with that friend too and dumped her.
This was around 3 years ago. I have stayed on polite terms with this friend, and we are still Facebook friends. I have noticed over the past 3 years that she gets through friends at a rate of knots! It's like she decides to be friends with someone for a reason that's beneficial to her, has an all-consuming friendship for a few months, and then dumps them.
Last summer I noticed that she had two friends, whom she described as her besties, that she was spending a lot of time with, and was always tagging on Facebook. All three of them went on holiday together, with their children, and there were lots of statuses about how amazing it was to be on holiday with her best friends. And then a few months ago I noticed that she didn't mention them anymore, had a snoop and noticed that she is not even Facebook friends with them now!
The summer before, she became good friends with another woman that I know, and was even made godmother to this woman's child, and I know that they don't see each other any longer either.
More recently, her latest bestie was another mum from the school. They were doing everything together, and having loads of nights out, and spa weekends. I then noticed a few weeks ago that this other woman kept writing on my ex friend's Facebook wall that they must meet up soon and have a night out, and my ex friend just ignored her, and I realised that this latest bestie is now dumped too.
Does anyone else find this sort of behaviour quite odd? If someone is my friend, then unless they do something awful they are still my friend. I love my long term friendships and would hate to just move from person to person and effectively use people. I remember there was a girl in my year at school who was a bit like this too, and after a few years we all cottoned on to what she was like. It was like she moved from person to person to suit her needs at the time. Say, if she fancied a particular boy, she would become best friends with his sister, and then ditch the sister when she no longer fancied the boy. Strange.
AIBU to find that kind of behaviour very odd?
Yanbu, you do get people like these. I feel sorry for them though, they must be deeply miserable with their lives that they keep searching for whatever is missing and leave behind a trail of broken friendships.
My SIL is a bit like this. There is always some tale about how the latest dumpee was too self centred/boring/energetic.
Whether these 'reasons' are actually things she believes herself or are just excuses for her inability to maintain long term friendships I don't know but I know Dh and I can't be the only ones who notice and comment on it.
This sort of behaviour is more common than you may think.
They're either users who outlive their welcome or are constantly on the look-out for fresh victims before the current ones see their true colours.
I have had the misfortune to have had a number of them in my life, albeit rather briefly. The worst ones are those who hijack and usurp your own close friends.
I think that my ex friend is always looking out for fresh victims. She seems to be best buddies with whoever suits her needs at the time. The two that she went on holiday with were, I think, planning on having a holiday anyway, and she wanted someone to go on holiday with, so started to be besties with them. Presumably after the holiday she had no further use for them, so moved onto someone else.
Ah yes a bit like a serial Wendy....probably the best way to describe them.
I have noticed too that she seems to worm her way in with people by being very complimentary and by fawning over them. They are then flattered and think that she really likes them.
I guess in some ways she is a Wendy as she will latch onto anyone else's friends if it suits her, but she doesn't really turn people against others as such.
I had a good friend like this, she seems to get new friends as 'trophy friends', then when the novelty has worn off you get ignored in favour of someone else.
I think Coffee got it right, my 'friend' is deeply unhappy with her life and wants her old life back, and that isn't going to happen. Doesn't stop her trying though.
Still hurt by intense short-term friendship with "friend" like that. We met through a mutual friend (who she promptly dumped for me). I thought we were best friends. She went cold and moved on to a friend I introduced her to. Never figured out why. Eventually assumed it was a pattern but lost me two, more genuine, friends.
I have definitely learnt through the experience with my ex-friend not to get involved with any friends too quickly, and to back off if the friendship develops at a fast rate. And also not to put all my eggs in one basket.
Yanbu - people like that, ime, are usually drama queens and users.
Both of which I can do without.
It's quite sad really and strange to watch.
I know a woman like this. I was her first BF in this town. There have probably been two a year since then. She's a self-serving dick.
I thought that this kind of behaviour was more common among teenage friendships.
DD is often good friends with someone at school and then she gets dropped for no reason at all.
I don't do it and have been lucky enough not have had it done to me. I don't fall out with people. Sometimes life gets in the way and I don't see someone for a while, but we are always glad to see each other when we meet up.
Yes, the woman that I know is definitely a drama queen. She is attention seeking and likes to have everyone hanging on her every word. She boasts all the time but the funniest thing is that the things she boasts about never happen. She made a big deal when I was friends with her about how she was going to go to New York for her 40th birthday, and planning who she would allow to go with her. Her 40th has been and gone and she never went!
I think some women never quite grow out of the teenager phase, Bunbaker
Look deeper Copping - often the reason they HAVE to move on to new friends is because they tell so many lies they either forget to whom they've said what or run out of relatively normal believable bullshit to spout. So they move onto the fresh new friends to start all over again.
Women like this need to be centre of attention have chaos drama going on they change friends like their underwear they get bored easily and need to find somebody else leaving the friend baffled as to what they have done wrong, usually nothing I have seen it with the parents I work with 1 woman gets lifted and laid it's a shame
I seriously believe that these women never learnt as teenagers how to make up! They've done the ditch and switch all their lives, so it's a pattern of behaviour too deeply engrained in them to be unlearnt.
I agree they just have not matured
Yep I know someone like this. She's run out of victims in our village now so has moved on to the next one!
I don't think this is typical of blokes and their friends.
Why is it a women thing?
I've invested over thirty years in my best friend. Even if in the future she turns out to be a bank robbing, serial killer I'm keeping her. Don't have the energy or inclination to develop a new one.
All my friends are people I've known literally my whole life or for 20 plus years. My "newest" friends have been in my life for 5 years so this isn't my MO but it's really weird being on the receiving end, i.e. being "targeted" by one of these people. It happened to me about 10 years ago. My DS had just started nursery and was having trouble settling in, a Mum approached me and was incredibly nice and understanding and offered me to come for coffee, then she started to arrange playdates (hate that word, lol) for our DS's, then she invited me and rest of family (DH and DD) around to their house for dinner to meet her DH. It was all really overwhelming but they were so nice and she had a big house which kind of seduced me a bit (red face). Anyway, I was "flavour of the month" for about 18 months/2 years and then was dropped like a hot brick for no apparent reason. She then went through about 3 other people like a dose of salts and then she sold up and moved away, presumably as there was nobody else to lovebomb.
I was very confused by the whole thing, it had never happened to me before, she was a very, very charming person but ultimately a right bitch!
I know someone like this who has a knack of being the best friend of anyone who is going through a drama. A new pregnancy, someone ill or dying and she's in there like a shot. She goes out of her way to help them and then will often say unkind things behind their back. She is not my friend btw, just someone I have the misfortune to know.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.