to make a pact with OH about childcare if its you who wants the children?

(37 Posts)
burgatroyd Wed 30-Jul-14 08:41:11

...was very interested by a current thread about why some dads are disinterested in their children. A couple of comments came up with the theory that perhaps many fathers were persuaded into having the kids and this was the deal?
Out of interest did you have to cajole your OH into having children and therefore let him get away with little childcare input, or at least not attending children's parties?
Am quite interested?

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Wed 30-Jul-14 13:07:42

We wanted it equally. Even if I had pressure my partner, I would get prey upset if they refused to do things because they hasn't wanted them anyway (I now someone who constantly throws this line at his wife whenever she wants him to play with them for 5 minutes). Personally I would only want children with someone who wants them equally. But then my parents wouldn't let me have a dog no matter how many times I promised I would walk it.

Vitalstatistix Wed 30-Jul-14 13:09:19

fet - there are loads of mners who don't have kids. This isn't really a parenting board, more a chat forum with a few parenting topics if you really want to use them.

I happen to have children but have spent more time discussing whether a jaffa cake is a cake or a biscuit than I have spent discussing my kids.

I don't think most people come here to talk to parents, but to have conversations with intelligent, articulate people.

For some reason, MN (ime) has more of these than many other sites.

Plus it's HUGE and no matter what you want to talk about or know about - you will always find someone.

Thisvehicleisreversing Wed 30-Jul-14 13:17:03

Things followed a natural path with us.

Ds1 was a happy accident. We both made the decision to have him so when he was born any looking after was definitely 50/50.

DH wasn't as sure about having a second child so I think I took over the baby care of DS2 more.

Now they're older DH tends to spend more time with them than I do as they share hobbies. I tend to do more of the school/doctors/buying clothes type stuff.

museumum Wed 30-Jul-14 13:22:28

we were probably equally as keen/nervous... but I was the one with really concrete worries about my career and stuff so we talked about childcare etc. I knew before I married dh that he worked in a sector that is prehistoric in it's attitude to parttime working and parenting and work/life balance... that was a big part of my nervousness and if i had married a previous boyfriend in a more similar field to me i wouldn't have been so concerned. we discussed this a lot and dh does a lot at the weekend and evenings when he can to make up for the fact he's still working a 45hr+ week while i've had to cut to 20hrs and do all the nursery runs.

museumum Wed 30-Jul-14 13:25:10

actually, correction, i have not HAD to cut to 20hrs, I could have continued to work 40hrs too - it was my choice, but I didn't want ds to do five very long days in childcare from a very young age.

[i've just noticed how easy it is to say 'i had to x,y,z' and am making a conscious effort to acknowledge that these things ARE choices, even if they often seem 'no brainer' choices...]

OneLittleToddleTerror Wed 30-Jul-14 13:29:38

DH was happy to be childless. When DD arrived, he's such a hands on dad even my mum commented how good he is with DD. I have to admit he plays with her more. While I'm happy to play with my tablet and let her play by herself. I'm pregnant with our second and again he said he'd prefer to have only one. Only time will tell if he's also very hands on with the new one.

Staryyeyedsurprise Wed 30-Jul-14 13:40:30

When talking about whether to have DC2, I was more for it that DH - he was more than happy with DC1 whereas I felt we should try for DC2 and see where it took us. I was pregnant very quickly - much quicker than expected and as such, I wondered whether I'd co-erced him into it. My husband is a lovely man and never ever gave me reason to think it but I did wonder whether we'd have any "no, YOU wanted the baby YOU see to them during the night" conversations. Of course we didn't. we did have conversations like "I'm flipping knackered - you do it"

Although I was the one who pushed for DC2, DH absolutely cherishes them and does more than his fair share.

BadLad Wed 30-Jul-14 14:21:02

Been posting occasionally for about two years.

FET14 Wed 30-Jul-14 15:42:43

I think mumsnet needs a new strapline?

Since we now know from another thread that BadLad posts with his willy, I think a <stern look> is in order.

DH wanted children more than I did and, in fact, he persuaded me to have DD. I still do more than he does day to day with her.

I think this argument is a red herring for lazy people who want to coast and have other people do the heavy lifting in life.

StrawberryMouse Wed 30-Jul-14 15:56:58

We had two unplanned pregnancies very close together so we are both equally screwed. Although DH's life is still recognisable.

Vitalstatistix Wed 30-Jul-14 15:59:55

yeah. Nobody takes any notice of the strapline, fet grin loads of people with no interest at all in kids hang out here.

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