What would you expect your DH to do?

(312 Posts)
notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 16:55:24

Last night, I went out for a meal with some friends for a friends birthday

I drove back to our house as i am 30 weeks pregnant and wasn't drinking but everyone else was (the car was full). I drove because the taxi from our house to the restaurant and back again was £50 each way. So I thought seeing as I wasn't drinking, i would save everyone (including myself) some extra cash.

During the drive back from the restaurant , in the dark, in country lanes, with me driving, when I braked to go around a corner, a friend of my DH thumped the back of my seat, violently to mimic a head hitting the back of it. He was told off by my DH as in "Come on man...." but then did it again at some traffic lights later on in the journey. I got disorientated and almost went through a red light.

We got to our destination and I screamed at him to get out of the car. He said "Hit me then". I shouted "Get out of the f***ing car otherwise i f***ing will....get out of my sight".

I went straight to bed, sobbing my eyes out, woke up the next morning and the friend was gone. DH says that he spoke to him and that he was sorry and that he shouldn't have done it. But no apology to me??

Part of me expected my DH to be a bit more brutal with him, after all i was driving.

Nicknacky Mon 28-Jul-14 16:59:33

What exactly did you want your H to do? Have you apologised for screaming and swearing?

I get that he annoyed and frustrated you but it does sound like you over reacted.

Numanoid Mon 28-Jul-14 17:02:22

YABU. A better way to deal with it would have been to say "that is disorientating me and making me nervous, could you please stop?" You lost any right to an apology after you started screaming and swearing at him. I'm not trying to be harsh on you, but if I were your husband, I'd be mortified that you did that.

Spinaroo Mon 28-Jul-14 17:02:35

I think it sounds ok- would you have rather he woke you up to apologise? He probably my feels bad about it but thought it hilarious whilst he was drunk. I don't think it's worth your dh or you bring any more brutal.

notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 17:03:41

Sorry i disagree with you there...I don't think swearing was over reacting when he was deliberately trying to distract me by punching the back of my chair when I was driving at night, with a car full of people. Very dangerous.

notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 17:04:39

hat is disorientating me and making me nervous, could you please stop?"

Have you ever said that to a drunk person? Given that I said his name loudly the first time, that didn't work.

Fudgeface123 Mon 28-Jul-14 17:04:39

Brutal???

notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 17:04:58

and he did it a second time!

ICanSeeTheSun Mon 28-Jul-14 17:05:39

I think you already had a word with him when he got out of the car.

He wouldn't be getting a lift in future.

notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 17:06:06

Part of me thinks he should have got him to apologise to me given I had given them all a lift home!

Nicknacky Mon 28-Jul-14 17:06:18

Swearing and screaming was an over reaction. Someone hitting the back of your seat would obviously piss you off, but not make you lose control.

NatashaBee Mon 28-Jul-14 17:06:49

This would have scared the crap out of me too, but I don't think your DH did anything wrong. He did tell the idiot guy off at the time, and spoke to him afterwards.

Why didn't you tell him to stop?

If I had been driving I would have calmly pulled over the car to a safe stop and asked him to get out or promise not to do that again while I was driving. I would not have left it up to my DP to deal with it.

Sounds like a horrible situation, but at least he has apologised.

MaidOfStars Mon 28-Jul-14 17:07:07

He sounds like a bit of a twat but I also think you massively overreacted. Is there any bad blood between you and your husband's friend?

notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 17:07:08

This is the thing, my DH was just like 'He was drunk' and shrugged his shoulders. Yes, but him hitting the back of a drivers seat, in the middle of the night, when i was nervously trying to get us all home could have resulted in an accident!

Nicknacky Mon 28-Jul-14 17:07:15

Your H can't make someone apologise, if you want an apology why don't you contact this person and speak to him about it?

RiverTam Mon 28-Jul-14 17:07:25

I think your DH did fine there.

Just leave it. The guy was being a drunken arse, that's all. No harm done.

BolshierAyraStark Mon 28-Jul-14 17:07:52

I think what your DH did was sufficient tbh, it does sound like an over reaction on your part.

Staryyeyedsurprise Mon 28-Jul-14 17:07:54

I get that it was distracting.

You DH did speak to him as he did it and afterwards. What else could he do? Have a punch up with him while you were driving? THAT would've been distracting.

I think your 4th paragraph of OP seems a bit of an overreaction.

Nicknacky Mon 28-Jul-14 17:08:15

Are you a nervous driver already?

Numanoid Mon 28-Jul-14 17:08:57

Have you ever said that to a drunk person? Given that I said his name loudly the first time, that didn't work.

I didn't know you'd said his name before, but what I suggested was just a general way of saying, asking him to stop might have been better.

It is to be expected that drunk people are going to be annoying, might have been better asking them to get a taxi. Sorry, but I don't think it's ever nice to start shouting and swearing at someone, then threatening to hit them. If DP did that I would be so embarrassed, and would apologise to the friend, not ask him to be the one apologising.

LineRunner Mon 28-Jul-14 17:09:03

He said 'Hit me then'?

Why on earth would he say that? Were you toe to toe, or were you both still in the car?

Coconutty Mon 28-Jul-14 17:10:04

YABU and I think your DH no doubt had to apologise to his friend on your behalf.

notkatemiddleton Mon 28-Jul-14 17:10:42

Thats true.

There isn't any bad blood per se but he does have a history of being a bit of a twat sometimes and taking things too far. Not just with me, but DH says there has been plenty of times he's cringed at things he has done.

He had spent the night telling me i was boring because i wouldn't drink. Hello...I'm pregnant? We aren't supposed to get pissed!!!

PleaseJustShootMeNow Mon 28-Jul-14 17:10:44

I also think shouting and swearing is out of order. In that situation I would have stopped the car first time and told him if it happened again he'd be taking Shanks's pony. Second time he'd have been out. You were driving, you were in charge.

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