so should I be cooking an evening meal for dh

(49 Posts)
oxfordmumma1 Tue 22-Jul-14 16:35:34

I am self employed and my work is seasonal. Some weeks I do maybe 16 hours but than I may not work for a month.
We have 3 dc. 2 primary aged and an active toddler. I do all night wakings.
Dh works long hours. He is out from maybe 6.30 to 7pm monday to friday. I do virtually all the childcare for dc including bedtime unless out. I also do all the housework. My work is therefore effectively 7 day a week as he only down the very bare minimum weekends too. I think he washed up once in 3 weekends. Dh does garden and diy but that is all. I cook for me and dc but dh wouldn't eat what I cook I do washing up and clean kitchen than do bedtime. Also most of the club runs
In the evening he gets home and flops on sofa. He will either get a takeaway or snack in the evening. He will than leave knives, wrappers, crumbs etc on worktop. He also rarely brings glass into kitchen at night. Crockery normally makes it to kitchen but that is all.
He hasn't complained that I don't cook for him but I think mil thinks I am lazy.
I have also seen threads on here that suggest a sahm should cook a meal for her dh and lets face it for may 30 to 35 weeks of the year I am effectively a sahm.
So mumsnet jury what do you think?
Thank you

Twitterqueen Tue 22-Jul-14 16:37:27

Why won't he eat what you cook?

amyhamster Tue 22-Jul-14 16:38:10

It doesn't sound very healthy for him
Wouldn't take much to make him a bit of whatever you & the kids eat & leave it to warm up would it ?

why will he not eat what you cook? I cook stuff for the kids at 5/6pm and dh cooks for me and him when he gets home as 1) he gets home late and 2) he enjoys cooking

OP says he wont eat what she cooks though

RiverTam Tue 22-Jul-14 16:40:16

well, you've answered your won question as you say 'dh wouldn't eat what I cook'. Up to him, then, isn't it?

When you're both working everything, including housework and childcare, should be shared. Same with weekends and evenings.

Sounds like he's the lazy one here. Time for a wake-up call, methinks!

Maryz Tue 22-Jul-14 16:47:40

I was going to say you were unreasonable as it seemed mean to be at home all day and cook for you and the kids but not for him.

However, if he won't eat what you cook, tough luck.

The the grocery shopper and cook decides the menu (though everyone is allowed a couple of vetos liver and onions, cabbage and bacon ).

amyhamster Tue 22-Jul-14 16:51:15

Sorry didn't see he won't eat what you cook
In that case it's up to him
Is he fussy? Unhealthy? what do you cook ?

Darksideofthemoon88 Tue 22-Jul-14 16:51:51

Why on earth won't he eat what you cook? confused If he would, then great: just make a larger amount and leave some for him. As he won't, I don't see what you can do other than have some serious words with him about cleaning up after himself. He is, presumably, a grown man!

NancyinCali Tue 22-Jul-14 16:53:08

I only cook one meal in the evening. Me and DD have it at 5.30-6 and DH heats it up at whatever time he walks in. I'd be worried about his health if he was eating take away or junk every night. I wouldn't cook him something specific though.

He works pretty long hours too but he'll still do the washing up, other jobs around the house at weekends if I ask for help and he'll take DD out, put her to bed if he's home on time etc.

tiggerkid Tue 22-Jul-14 17:09:35

If DH never eats what you cook, then I'd say there is no point cooking for him because this would mean doing it just for the sake of doing it.

However busy the DH is, I am not sure I'd be happy with DH leaving everything on the worktop. I tell my son off for leaving sweet wrappers etc on the table and I certainly wouldn't expect DH to behave like my child. SAHM isn't there to mother the husband or partner in addition to mothering her kids. Looking after children can be a full time job in its own right without DH contributing to the mess in the house!

Joysmum Tue 22-Jul-14 17:09:57

If you honest believe the hours and intensity of your work plus childcare and chores at least matches his work plus DIY and gardening, then he should do his own or you should do his during the week and then he cooks for everyone at weekends. I say that because 7pm to get home, then time to get changed and then spend time with the kids means he'll be cooking very late and that's one hell of a long day.

HannerHet Tue 22-Jul-14 17:12:25

Why won't he eat what your making for yourself and kids?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 22-Jul-14 17:16:16

What is the issue with what you are making for yourself and the kids? I need to know what you are cooking before I can pass judgement here.

What happens at the weekends, do you all eat together?

TinklyLittleLaugh Tue 22-Jul-14 17:18:04

Are you an absolutely shockingly bad cook OP?

Or is he a fussy bugger?

Seriouslyffs Tue 22-Jul-14 17:18:17

What do you cook?

mumminio Tue 22-Jul-14 17:26:10

I would expect the person at home to arrange dinner for the other parent. Could you cook something which can be prepared in advance, like a slow cooker meal or salad, and he can help himself when he gets home?

Interested to know what you do cook. out of nosiness

arethereanyleftatall Tue 22-Jul-14 17:32:00

I cook once for the evening meal, as a sahm. Yanbu to not cook two different meals.

MagicMojito Tue 22-Jul-14 17:34:33

Also wondering of your a terrible cook grin

Nah, if he hasn't complained and your happy why would you change it? If it ain't broke and all that...

AnyFucker Tue 22-Jul-14 17:39:22

When my kids were little, I used to cook something simple for them at 4pm, then eat myself with dh at 8pm

Would changing your dining arrangements help ?

If he won't eat what you cook though...

And the not tidying after himself is fucking arrogant, so nip that in the bud right away

HecatePropylaea Tue 22-Jul-14 17:42:48

At the risk of getting flayed alive grin I think whoever cooks should try to ensure that at least some of the meals they make are liked by everyone, or rather that all tastes are catered for overall even if all meals aren't liked by everyone, iyswim.

I don't see why you are providing him with maid service. He should be tidying up his own rubbish and pitching in at weekends.

oxfordmumma1 Tue 22-Jul-14 17:46:13

I just cook basic family stuff like chicken, bolognese, shepherds pie. He does eat what I cook at the weekend. Well wetake Iit in turns generally. He would rather live on chippy, breakfast sausage, cheese, deep fried chips etc. Crisps. You know heart attack waiting to happen.

HannerHet Tue 22-Jul-14 17:49:25

Well in that case of course he should be eating what you cook. It's not healthy to have takeaways every night, besides the expense and not setting a good example to his children. Sounds like he needs to grow up

oxfordmumma1 Tue 22-Jul-14 17:49:40

Also I suppose it tricky as I never really know when he will get home. If he turns up when I am serving say if roast chicken I will offer him some but he declines. Obv if he would eat a casseroles could use slow cooker option.
Sometimes I do use convenience foods.

oxfordmumma1 Tue 22-Jul-14 17:50:44

He has takeaway on e a week. Snacking, pizza or pzte Nd toast etc other nights or home made chips.

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