To wonder why my Mum won't come in my new home?

(58 Posts)
MrsWinnibago Tue 22-Jul-14 12:00:26

Title's a bit of an exaggeration but since we moved to a new flat, my Mum has shown quite a lot of avoidance tactics when it comes to actually spending any time here.

She pops round about once a week but it was two or three times in our old house.

She has no problems using the stairs and will come up and then stand uncomfortably in the kitchen or hover a bit in the sitting room and then say "Shall we sit in the garden?"

She never did this at our old house.

I'm confused to be honest...Mum is completely "all there" mentally and still works part time...she's happy I think...things are fine in her life.

Why won't she bloody come in and sit down? The flat is comfortable and well laid out...

Lucked Tue 22-Jul-14 12:01:30

Have you moved in with someone new?

MidniteScribbler Tue 22-Jul-14 12:02:16

Radical idea, but have you thought about asking her? As opposed to a bunch of strangers on the internet who don't know her.

pictish Tue 22-Jul-14 12:02:34

Oooh I dunno - that seems weird. have you asked her?

poisonedbypen Tue 22-Jul-14 12:02:55

The only way is to ask her. We don't know gringrin

MrsWinnibago Tue 22-Jul-14 12:05:17

Oh I know I should ask her but I KNOW my Mum and she'll put on a surprised face and say "I'm not! What are you talking about!"

MrsWinnibago Tue 22-Jul-14 12:05:39

So what I want is reasons she MIGHT be like this please...

WipsGlitter Tue 22-Jul-14 12:07:30

Have you rearranged the furniture, does she know where to sit? Is there seating in the kitchen and sitting room and she's unsure what room to go in to?

Try something like, "Come on into the sitting room and sure you sit on the chair and I'll take the sofa" or whatever.

Icelollycraving Tue 22-Jul-14 12:07:59

New partner? Are you using those hideous lovely plug in air fresheners? Do you smoke,does she? Do you have a stinky dog? Is it stuffy?
That do you for starters grin

escape Tue 22-Jul-14 12:08:56

Okay, devils advocate here, as I understand what you mean by asking her, you won't get a straight answer.
Ask someone else - your sister/brother/Dad etc
She will have told someone/gossiped about it, guaranteed.

Is it clean/looks ' good'..?
My stepmother doesn't come to my house because it's not a show home .. ( seriously, but another story)

Igggi Tue 22-Jul-14 12:09:44

Ghost.

tiggerkid Tue 22-Jul-14 12:09:59

OP, this is a long shot and is probably a very unreasonable and nasty thought (please feel free to tell me where to go if you are offended) but I have seen the situations where parents are jealous of their children. I hope this isn't the case but if there is a possibility that it might be, perhaps, she finds it easier to cope with her own feelings if she doesn't see the new place quite so often?

CheeryName Tue 22-Jul-14 12:10:01

She doesn't like the parking and is spending her time thinking 'ooh how am I going to get out without bashing someone'.

She lived there before you were born, in a swingers commune, and her past is haunting her, she doesn't want you to find out and tell the WI.

You have BO and your old house was draughtier so it didn't matter.

AtYourCervix Tue 22-Jul-14 12:10:54

Bad vibes.

Have you considered cleansing or exorcism?

Definitely a ghost.

Staywithme Tue 22-Jul-14 12:11:12

Maybe she's psychic and the flat is haunted! grin

Sorry. blush

lunar1 Tue 22-Jul-14 12:12:14

She senses a poltergeist?

Ilovehamabeads Tue 22-Jul-14 12:12:31

Maybe it's too showhome-y ? Did you get a lot of new stuff, perhaps she just doesn't feel comfortable there yet. Understand the not asking her thing, my mum is exactly the same- feigns total ignorance of any issues!

Staywithme Tue 22-Jul-14 12:12:33

Hahaha at all the ghost xposts. Yup, definitely haunted. grin

MrsWinnibago Tue 22-Jul-14 12:12:37

No ghost that I know of...no air freshners..you can't miss where to sit...not much choice! It's large though so not cramped or stuffy...no smoking in here...the parking is bad....but once she's parked, then why not sit bloody down?
tigger no...I can't think why she'd be jealous...her home is larger and nicer really.

Cheery good thinking but no..she was married at 16! grin

Staryyeyedsurprise Tue 22-Jul-14 12:13:58

Is it too hot/cold/draughty? (should that be drafty?)

Is it too dark/light?

Is it claustrohphobic - not enough windows etc?

Can you hear noise from neighbours? - we can always here my mum's neighbour ranting at the telly and it is a bit weird!

Are there any smells tha you might have got used to? - cat litter, stale smoke, plug in airfresheners?

Also, I had a minor gynae issue a few months back nothing serious but it was like having a heavy period for a number of weeks and I was paranoid about leaking anywhere. If she has to go upstairs is she conscious of being smelly/sweaty? Could you be smelly/sweaty?

Do you have stuffed animals on display or anything else that coulld make someone feel icky?

MrsWinnibago Tue 22-Jul-14 12:13:58

Cervix there WERE distinct bad vibes when we first got it...there had been an "incident" here when someone got stabbed and the blood was still on the walls.

We gutted it before moving in...all walls were stripped, lined and painted...new carpets throughout....no vibes now that we feel.

MrsWinnibago Tue 22-Jul-14 12:15:20

Starry nothing smelly here honest! It is very clean and very airy...all windows open all the time as we're conscious of flats getting condensation. No weird ornaments.

Viviennemary Tue 22-Jul-14 12:17:19

I agree with asking another member of the family. Or maybe somebody has told her she was coming to your old house too often and she is giving you more space. However, it's just guesswork. I hope this isn't going to be another woo thread. grin

tiggerkid Tue 22-Jul-14 12:18:42

there WERE distinct bad vibes when we first got it...there had been an "incident" here when someone got stabbed and the blood was still on the walls.

Perhaps, your mum keeps thinking about or remembering the past and can't get over it?

In any case, I think it's probably a good idea to discuss this with her in such a way that you mention your feelings rather than ask her whether something is wrong or question why she wouldn't spend more time with you. If you tell her how you feel, she can't deny it's not happening or at least will find it harder to deny or dismiss?

A discussion with her will definitely give you a more accurate idea of what's happening than anything that we come up with here smile Look at my first attempt haha smile

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