To feel I am the only person who will never inherit anything?

(391 Posts)
childofthejago Tue 22-Jul-14 10:40:19

Just that really. Due to a series of poor life decisions my parents will not have anything to pass on when they die. No assets, no property, nothing.

Already by our early 30s several friends have been given enormous leg ups by relatives. (We're talking several £100,000 in most cases, not a handy £10K here or there) and I'm very aware that most will inherit absolute fortunes when their parents pass away.

I know that this sounds incredibly grasping and that a living parents is worth more etc, but I'm increasingly struggling with the knowledge of just how much my life is going to diverge from everyone around me. I will likely be paying off my mortgage up until retirement whereas my friends and their children can look forward to enormous cash support and huge boosts to their quality of life. I'm even starting to worry that this could put a potential partner off. I've worked hard, I'm on a decent salary, I own my own (tiny) flat thanks to scrimping and saving throughout my 20s, but the reward is not there, whereas friends who have meandered through life are living the life of Riley.

I honestly feel like I'm the only person in this situation and I can only see myself becoming more bitter as I get older. I know there's something distasteful about this but I'm really struggling with the envy and sense of being hard done by.

Missunreasonable Tue 22-Jul-14 10:44:53

I have a pack of grips somewhere......

You have a flat so you have more than some people. How about you stop comparing your own 'lack of inheritance fortune' to others in your circle and be grateful for what you do have.
My mum has a house but I hope she makes the most of her life and would be happy for her to use equity release in her old age if she needs some cash. I couldn't care less if she has nothing to leave behind as long as she enjoys her life.

WaitMonkey Tue 22-Jul-14 10:45:36

Are you for real ?? hmm

vickibee Tue 22-Jul-14 10:48:34

no one is guaranteed an inheritance, parents may go into care and it all be taken in fees or they could just leave it to charity?
Lots of elderley people are in rented housing and this is usually the biggest asset.
I have told my Mum to enjoy her cash now and spend what she wants as she has a superb pension and she is doing just that! She did give me and my 2 siblings �500 each recently as a treat - said she had too much money and didn't know what to spend it on!

vickibee Tue 22-Jul-14 10:49:37

remember too that IHT is paid above �300,000 ish so HMRC get their share too, better to try and give it away earlier IMO

SteeleyeSpanx Tue 22-Jul-14 10:50:31

YANBU OP, I completely empathise.

It's especially difficult when you have the insight (as you clearly do) to recognise that you are being a bit grasping, but to feel bitterness and envy nevertheless.

Lots of people will tell you not to moan, as there are others that have it worse - just ignore them. Is it reasonable to say that you can never feel happiness just because somebody else has just found true love and won the lottery in the same week? Of course not, and by the same token, just because there are people worse off than you, it doesn't invalidate your own feelings.

D0oinMeCleanin Tue 22-Jul-14 10:50:40

I'm set to inherit a foul mouthed (beaked?) bad tempered, noisy Macaw and a neurotic whippet who is madder than a box of frogs.

Both of those things mean far more to me than property ever will.

There is every chance my dad will be well enough to care for the whippet until the end of her days, however she is only young and he has lots of health issues. The bird is only 20, he'll live for another 40-60 years or more.

childofthejago Tue 22-Jul-14 10:51:59

Everyone I know who has elderly relatives in care also has very good solicitors who have ring-fenced assets. £300,000 pre IHT is also a fortune in itself.

HumpsForHalfMile Tue 22-Jul-14 10:52:30

there's something distasteful about this

Er, yes. You got that right.

AnotherGirlsParadise Tue 22-Jul-14 10:52:39

Yes. This sounds grasping. It's not up to your parents to provide you with 'enormous cash support' well into adulthood (they did enough of that as they raised you), nor is it up to them to come up with what honestly sounds like a 'dowry' to make you look more attractive to potential partners. You don't get 'rewarded' for getting through life, ffs.

If other people have been left whacking great inheritances, good for them. In my experience, it's hardly the norm, and it doesn't affect your quality of life other than seemingly turning you a funny shade of green and causing you to stamp your foot on here like an entitled brat. Now THAT is off-putting to potential future partners.

childofthejago Tue 22-Jul-14 10:53:32

Steeleye thank you.

smoothieooo Tue 22-Jul-14 10:53:44

Neither of my parents have a pot to piss in. Mum in a council house and dad lives with my stepmum (and the house is in her name). There are 5 of us and nothing to inherit means no squabbling over division of assets!

Better to have worked your arse off to get where you are and know you did it yourself rather than rely on handouts.

Wonc Tue 22-Jul-14 10:54:24

I won't inherit anything either OP. Can't say I have given it much thought tbh... Just posting to let you know you are not the only one.

childofthejago Tue 22-Jul-14 10:56:34

You don't get 'rewarded' for getting through life, ffs.

Except the majority of people clearly do. And I've love to meet your friends who have found that their quality of life hasn't been improved by inheritance.

And did it occur to you that if my parents are in this situation now maybe they weren't the type to offer me financial and emotional support growing up?

Efferlunt Tue 22-Jul-14 10:57:20

We have a fair bit of money - not through inheritance - but it's made me more miserable than I can say for reasons I won't go into here. Just try and enjoy the hand life dealt you.

Wish I could follow my own advice. sad

The only things I will inherit is coronary artery disease and an awful wrinkle at the side of my mouth but do I care? Not a jot! I see my DM eating out weekly and getting her hair cut and coloured monthly and I am more than happy for her to spending at leasure rather than worrying what I can get my greedy little hands on.

You don't know what life will throw at you, stop thinking about what could be and what others have and live for the now. Your OWN now.

Trooperslane Tue 22-Jul-14 10:58:03

Sorry op but you sound awful.

My Ddad died several years ago and my DM died this April.

The big chunk of cash Dsis and I are going to inherit between us?

Couldn't give a fuck and I'd heartily live in a hovel should that be how I'd get both of them back.

Sorry, you have hit a very raw nerve. confused

childofthejago Tue 22-Jul-14 10:58:12

Wonc and Smoothieooo thank you too. I don't normally spend my time pre-occupied by this, there have just been events of late which are really making me feel the difference between my family and normal families and I think I'd be a saint not to feel it.

DiaDuit Tue 22-Jul-14 10:58:46

I have an idea. If you want to increase your quality of life, how about YOU make some decisions about how to do that rather than expect someone else to hand it to you. You do sound very graspy and i dont actually sympathise at all with your 'plight'. If you arent happy with your level of income or quality of life that is all down to the decisions YOU have made and nothing to do with 'bad decisions' your parents made.

There is a cheesy saying that's quite appropriate here. "Dont wait to see the light, get up and turn it on yourself"

HumpsForHalfMile Tue 22-Jul-14 10:59:17

If you're upset they didn't give you financial and emotional support growing up, start a thread about that, instead of introducing it now to try to make your Op sound more sympathetic.

DiaDuit Tue 22-Jul-14 11:00:47

Ffs! You really think the majority of people get an inheritance? And that your parents/family isnt normal because they' have nothing to leave you? Are you serious? Where do you live?

childofthejago Tue 22-Jul-14 11:01:51

DiaDuit I think you misread my OP. I am happy with my income, I have worked very hard to have a much better quality of life and income than my parents ever did. In the grand scheme of things I am successful. That is an achievement that I am happy with. But short of becoming a banker, which I have no desire to do, I cannot replicate the quality of life that a cash gift of £300K brings. Wealth and income are not the same thing and only the latter is really in our control.

NatashaBee Tue 22-Jul-14 11:04:04

YABU. I don't think anyone would prefer the cash over the chance to have their parents back.

That said, it is frustrating that the only way most people will ever get on the property ladder is to inherit or be gifted a huge chunk of cash.

childofthejago Tue 22-Jul-14 11:04:12

And DiaDuit I think you may have stumbled upon the unintended consequence of me "turning the light on" and bettering myself - all my friends are from considerably naicer backgrounds than me, so yes within my wider social circle there is a hell of a lot of cash swilling around already.

GobblersKnob Tue 22-Jul-14 11:05:07

My parents have offered me naff all financial and precious little emotional support thus far. My Dad walked away when I was ten, he has money aplenty, my Mum I am currently estranged from, I imagine she will leave her money carefully elsewhere.

I am far sadder at not having a relationship with loving parents than at any monetary funds failing to come my way, I have friends who have had quite corking inheritances, some who will not, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

I think dwelling on this will make you very bitter.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now