AIBU not to be offended by being called a 'cool wife'

[PiperRose]

discounting the fact that I am not and in no way a wife AIBU to think that this label, which is so often bandied around here as an insult, isn't that much of an insult.

[theendoftheendoftheend]

Lol what??

[theendoftheendoftheend]

It doesn't sound like an insult? I've obviously missed alot!

[PiperRose]

Sorry, it's just that there have been quite a few threads recently where people who don't feel the need to stalk their dp to make sure he's not having an affair have had things like "oh god, here come the cool wives" levelled at them.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Yanbu. I am apparently a "cool wife" as dh can go away whenever he likes and have nights out and I mever ring him to see when he will be home etc.

Basically I treat him the way he treats me but if that makes me cool they hey ho that is a cross I will have to bear.

[PiperRose]

An example is a recent thread about a woman who's dp has been invited to a wedding and she hasn't been invited. A few people accused the dp of having an affair and then when other people said they would be ok for dp to go this were called 'cool wives'.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Yep Im another one who would go "ok, lovely, have a nice time!"

Mind, thats what dh would say to me if the tables were turned.

[SistersOfPercy]

I'm a cool wife according to our plumber. He said I was very laid back to put up with dh's star wars collection all round the house (various busts, an at at on the floor and eight full size replica light sabers on the wall to name but a few).
He was ever so taken aback when I told him they were mine. Apparently this makes me a cool wife. It also makes dh a cool husband for putting up with it and helping me fund it.

[SistersOfPercy]

Incidentally, I'd have sent him to the wedding as well, on the proviso he returned with cake, obviously.

[MBT1987]

Depends on the cake. Traditional wedding cake is crap. Cheesecake, now we're talking.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

ahh but it probably doesnt travel well....

[SistersOfPercy]

Ooh no, can't beat a bit of fruit cake and a nice cup of English breakfast.

[Vintagejazz]

YABU to be so deeply uncool as to call yourself a 'cool wife' .

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I'm a cool wife.

[PhaedraIsMyName]

I am one too. Except on "my husband goes to strip shows" threads where I'm extremely controlling. (Not that he does)

I'd have sent him to the wedding (and be thankful I didn't have to go) conditional on a very large bottle of Arpège from duty free.

[CouldntGiveAMonkeysToss]

YANBU. From I can tell being a "cool wife" means not being controlling, jealous or paranoid.

[Wonc]

Yabu. Stealth boast.

[GodDamnBatman]

I have a cool husband that allows me to be a cool wife.

Honestly, I don't get the insult either. If the first thing you think when your husband wants to go out is that he's having an affair, you might want to work on your marriage. It's a warning sign that it's in the shitter, at least on your end, and you need to think about why you can't trust him.

If my husband stayed out all night with a friend that happened to be a girl (and he has), I would not think he was having an affair. I would think he was hanging out with his friend all night, because I did this crazy thing and married a guy that I unreservedly trust. If he breaks that, it's on him and I will be devastated, but until he proves otherwise I will go on his track record of being trustworthy.

[Isetan]

I have always seen the 'Cool Wife' as a woman who despite being exposed to selfish behaviour by their twat of a partner, feeling that they can't call their partner out on their shit, for fear of being labelled an unreasonable nag (un cool) by said twat.

Putting up with a partners shit will never be 'cool' just as controlling behaviour isn't cool either.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

It is all just a matter of degrees. Cool to have nights out? Check. Cool to go to a wedding? Check (although I think the bride is rude). Cool to have my DH go to a place where sex is sold and have a woman grind her vulva near his face? Uncheck. That's my line. I'm sure you all have a line somewhere, it's just not in the same place as some other people.

[TheWholeOfTheSpoon]

My line appears to be be very close to yours, Mrs TP!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

[TheWholeOfTheSpoon]

DH has just suggested I should reconsider the not liking a naked woman grind her vulva in his face. So I knocked him out with a (super expensive Tempur pedic) pillow. Win win.

[hotdrinkandaliedown]

I got called a 'cool wife' on a relationships thread when I said that I wouldn't mind my husband going for a coffee with a female colleague I hadn't met.

It was the first time anyone has ever called me cool, ever ever. So I'll take that.

[TurquoiseDress]

This is the very first time I have heard the expression "cool wife"!

I think I am in this category, going by the descriptions given.

OP I don't think you are being unreasonable not to be offended.

Although, it seems to be construed as a veiled insult judging by what a pp wrote about not being able to call your DH out on his various shit.

Mrs TP- I'm definitely with you regarding the lines!

[QueenofLouisiana]

I've learned a new phrase today! I think that's me too. DH and I both go out without each other, but I can't see either of us being happy about a strip club.