To smoke in the garden at a party?

(500 Posts)
fber Sun 20-Jul-14 18:52:53

I lit up at a family bbq yesterday. Outside, big garden. The hostess (an inlaw) went a bit off her head and jumped from out of her own arse to right down my throat. Very publicly. There were children there, but they were playing a good way away. I have always done this at her parties, but now she has moved to a different, bigger house (it was a housewarming) it seems the goalposts have moved quite considerably. I was angry and upset at being shouted at like a kid. It's a party, right? A boozy housewarming (her words not mine).

Am I a social pariah?

AIBU?

fber Sun 20-Jul-14 18:56:39

anyone?

OddBoots Sun 20-Jul-14 18:56:52

If you've always smoked at her parties then ywnbu to do so at this one unless she'd told you beforehand that it was non-smoking. Has she had a child herself since or has one been diagnosed with asthma or something?

amyhamster Sun 20-Jul-14 18:57:14

I would have asked first tbh

annebullin Sun 20-Jul-14 18:57:50

You should have asked the hosts if it was okay to smoke.

Discobugsacha Sun 20-Jul-14 18:58:53

I think smoking in the garden, away from children is fine. She over reacted!

fber Sun 20-Jul-14 18:59:28

No no change in anyone's physical health, to my knowledge smile

Wantsunshine Sun 20-Jul-14 18:59:57

Seems odd that you couldn't smoke outside in a large garden. What on earth did she think could happen.

I think that, if she'd decided to change the rules about smoking in the garden, she should have told you - and as she hadn't Told you the rules had changed, she shouldn't have shouted at you in that way.

ikeaismylocal Sun 20-Jul-14 19:00:39

Ywbu to smoke if there were kids there. How much smoke they are exposed to is dependant on wind direction, if it's blowing the wrong way it can be as bad as sitting next to them.

Is your sil pregnant? Maybe that could be why she's more sensitive to smoking.

I think it's pretty gross to smoke around any non-smokers regardless of their age.

LineRunner Sun 20-Jul-14 19:00:52

You have to ask, because you have to know where the ashtray is anyway, even if it is allowed. You can't just put fag ends anywhere.

gamerchick Sun 20-Jul-14 19:02:01

I hope you blew smoke in her face.

phantomnamechanger Sun 20-Jul-14 19:02:31

I think smoking in the garden, away from children is fine

Only if it's your own garden, and even then it would be polite to ask the people sitting near or chatting to you, whether they mind.

It's not OK to light up in someone else's garden without checking with them first.

ClashCityRocker Sun 20-Jul-14 19:02:37

I must admit, I always ask where's a good place to smoke if I'm somewhere 'new'...and even more so if kids are present.

But she shouldn't have kicked off about it. A quick 'smoking area is that way...' would have been sufficient.

MilkandCereal Sun 20-Jul-14 19:03:17

Did you move away from others? Or did you smoke in the midst of the gathering?

phantomnamechanger Sun 20-Jul-14 19:03:40

oooh ikea I think you have it - she's preggers and can't stand the smell

diddl Sun 20-Jul-14 19:03:43

she shouldn't have shouted, that's for sure.

Is it ever OK to light up without asking?

fber Sun 20-Jul-14 19:05:17

I was kind of standing up on my own, but people were passing me.

RidgyTipper Sun 20-Jul-14 19:07:05

I would be seriously unimpressed if you lit up in my garden. Smoking is absolutely not welcome here! But then it never has been. Sounds like your SIL has probably always hated putting up with your smoke and is using her new house move to draw a line in the sand. She could have let you know in another way though.

fber Sun 20-Jul-14 19:07:08

No she's def not pg.

fber Sun 20-Jul-14 19:08:24

I should add, that she reads the daily mail. So more than a little judgemental, if you get my drift.

usualsuspectt Sun 20-Jul-14 19:08:32

If she never minded before, then she should have told you nicely. Not shouted at you.

ObfusKate Sun 20-Jul-14 19:09:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspectt Sun 20-Jul-14 19:09:18

Next time go round the front to have a fag.

gamescompendium Sun 20-Jul-14 19:09:28

I would not be happy about a guest smoking in my garden and if I was asked I would always say no. I have had 'friends' light up in my garden before and TBH I was so shocked I didn't say anything even though I was furious. I think if you are visiting non smokers you should assume that they will NEVER be happy about you practicing your disgusting habit on their property even if they make polite noises.

However, if you have smoked at her house before I can see that you might have assumed it's OK. Did you ask at her old house or did you just assume it was OK? If the former maybe she has steeled herself to say something now she has moved house. Accept that most people find smoking disgusting and do it in your own garden and don't expect to be able to do it at other people's houses unless they too are smokers.

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