Assaulted now guilt tripped...fuming

(72 Posts)
unluckyineverything Sun 20-Jul-14 12:04:55

Friday night was having a drink with a few friends. Friends bf turned up dragged her out my house by her hair usually under those circs I would call police, but huge backstory an every time I've tried to report him she tells police I'm lying an his never laid a finger on her. Then he will threaten me for interfering in his life.

I did phone an text to make sure she was ok she said all is fine. A few hours later her bf was back at my door he punched me in my face an I was knocked out the next thing I know I'm being dragged into my house an police are everywhere my other friend has a gash across her eyebrow. We have both made statements an he faces court in a few weeks.

Now I'm getting to the unreasonableness. He got released last night an my friend phoned me telling me to drop all charges as he has threatened to kill her dcs if I go through with it. I don't want to put her or her dcs in danger but now I don't know what to do as she's saying I'm being selfish an unreasonable by not thinking about her safety. If this was your friend wwyd?

Call the police - now!

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Sun 20-Jul-14 12:07:28

I'd contact the police again and tell them about the threats.

Can't believe you have had to go through this, flowers

Inertia Sun 20-Jul-14 12:07:46

You have to go to the police and report this further threat.

You are not putting her children in danger. He is putting her children in danger, and for their own safety they need him to be kept away from them. Unless everybody concerned goes through the official channels, he will continue to have access to them and will continue to be a risk to them.

Onesleeptillwembley Sun 20-Jul-14 12:08:04

She's not your friend.

ilovesooty Sun 20-Jul-14 12:08:07

I'd contact the police and tell them that she's putting pressure on you to drop the charges and why.

SaucyJack Sun 20-Jul-14 12:09:20

Call the police and make sure that they're aware she has children. They are duty bound to involve SS, who should be able to help protect the children- even if it means removing them from the situation.

puntasticusername Sun 20-Jul-14 12:09:35

Fgs tell the police!

From the sound of it there is only one (vastly, enormously, ridiculously) UR person in this scenario. It's not you. And it's not your friend either.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sun 20-Jul-14 12:09:54

DO NOT drop the charges

dawndonnaagain Sun 20-Jul-14 12:09:56

Police. Or he and she can threaten you for the next 20 years. Do you want to live your life like this?

unluckyineverything Sun 20-Jul-14 12:10:23

I've already informed police of his new threats. An will be coming out later today to take more photos of my injuries as now my head is starting to bruise

JenniferJo Sun 20-Jul-14 12:10:33

Call the police. It may not even be true.

puntasticusername Sun 20-Jul-14 12:11:43

Onesleep, ffs, try and have just one iota of sympathy for a woman who, from the sound of it, is being horrifically abused. This is not her fault.

Lucked Sun 20-Jul-14 12:13:47

Well I would let my friend know that womens aid will provide her and her children with safe refuge and that she should call them ASAP as she needs to safeguard her children or someone else will do it for her.

I would report the conversation to the police whom I assume will inform social services but if they don't I think you have to, what if something happens to the kids?

Make the calls.

clam Sun 20-Jul-14 12:17:26

The best, if not the only way you can help protect/save those kids is by reporting this to the police/Social Services.

Floundering Sun 20-Jul-14 12:25:28

Report ,report, his threats to your friend about the kids is classic abusive threatening.

She is afraid the kids may be at risk if you report but honestly they are more at risk if you don't, as is she.

As others have said, tell the police.

unluckyineverything Sun 20-Jul-14 12:27:50

Her son is already on the at risk register because her dd reported her moms bf last year I've spoke to my friends ex her (dcs dad) an his on his way to collect son an won't be letting him back home. I don't want to sound like I'm patronising her as I've luckily never experienced her situation but since she has been with him it's like she's brainwashed an will only please him. She can't see the damage his causing she blames anyone but him. I'm scared for her but how can I be a friend when she will stick by a bit of scum who beat 3 women up in one night. I feel guilty for being angry at her when I should be feeling sympathy. Any advice you can give me to help get through to her would be appreciated. I've tried women's aid an I've also suggested she stay with my grandparents as he would never find her ther. But she just says she's happy with him an it's other people who make him angry an they should leave him alone.

ADishBestEatenCold Sun 20-Jul-14 12:27:57

You did the right thing by calling the police again and not giving in to his further threats, unluckyineverything.

"She's not your friend"

All the friend's experiences have taught her to believe that this man will carry out his threat and harm her children. It is very likely that she has been taught (to believe his threats) again and again and again ... a lesson learned at the end of his fist.

She is terrified, Onesleeptillwembley.

FreudiansSlipper Sun 20-Jul-14 12:30:11

Call the police

She is living in fear of course she is scared but it will only get worse until something changes and he will not

Iownathreeinchferrari Sun 20-Jul-14 12:30:17

For her sake stay strong and update the police with any threats. They can keep her safe if need be but you must continue with the charge. You have been assaulted, she's regularly assaulted and are the kids being assaulted? Even if they are not, he is a poor role model getting away with it.

dawndonnaagain Sun 20-Jul-14 12:30:47

unlucky You sound like a lovely friend. Unfortunately there is very little you can do apart from letting her know what her options are. Brainwashed is probably the right term, he controls her every thought. All you can do is be there for her as soon as she begins to realise.
I hope you are feeling better soon.

NotBatman Sun 20-Jul-14 12:33:47

She's scared. You need to keep up with the charges. If for nothing else to put him in jail where he can't terrorize her like this.

Iownathreeinchferrari Sun 20-Jul-14 12:37:11

He has to take responsibility for his own behaviour. If he didn't hit women, he wouldn't be facing charges. He's choosing to hurt people, its not his fault.

Iownathreeinchferrari Sun 20-Jul-14 12:37:35

It's his fault rather!

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