to feel sad about people's perception of having sons.

(305 Posts)
wanderingcloud Sun 20-Jul-14 11:15:24

A random conversation in the staffroom at work, general chit chat about children. The mother of two daughters who go to the same nursery as my sons said "I'm sure your boys are lovely but I'm SO glad I have girls! Boys are just horrid!" then other mum's of girls started chiming in with comments about how generally noisy/smelly/disgusting/horrible boys are and what a nightmare they must be. I laughed it off, my boys can be a handful. What under 3yr old isn't occasionally noisy and dirty? However, watching my two sons sitting quietly looking at books together this morning, I'm filled with sadness that people actually perceive them in such a negative way.

Gogogodaddy Sun 20-Jul-14 11:18:57

I agree and simply can't understand it. My son is a peaceful, calm and thoughtful little chap and my daughter is like a whirlwind without fear or noise controls. Gender is totally irrelevant, they are just different in character. Some people are bloody weird, just ignore!

confusedfrillysock Sun 20-Jul-14 11:21:32

Putting children in boxes so early is a big issue. I have a DD who hates assumptions about her based on her being a girl. She is 5. She wears 'boys' clothes and loves active games. I also have a DS who is funny and cute and just himself. Children should be treated as individuals

Rainicorn Sun 20-Jul-14 11:21:40

As a mother of three boys I agree with you. Makes me quite sad the negative comments boys get.

At the moment I'm being told by my family that when my sons marry and have kids I'll never see them. This is based on the fact my brothers wife has just had a baby and her family are always there and we are never invited.

I have a friend who has three boys, didn't want anymore children but then had a daughter. Her sons are now pushed to one side, her daughter is all she talks about, it's quite disgusting.

A school run mum with four girls told me my life wouldn't be complete until I had a daughter.

I don't know why girls are seen by a lot of parents as the best of the two. It's quite depressing really.

pictish Sun 20-Jul-14 11:22:41

They don't sound terribly bright, or very well versed in social skills. I don't know anyone in rl who would dare say such negative things about about someone's children to their face like that.
Horrid?
Yes...they were.

My ds is 3 next week, he's the kindest most caring, loving and adorable boy in the world (ahem, blatant boast!) He never went through his terrible two's, is rarely noisy and hates being dirty, always has a smile on his face and loves cuddles and kisses. I'm incredibly proud and full of love for him.

My dd who is 4 is a noisy, screaming, constant tantrum throwing little brat madam who thinks the world revolves around what she does and doesn't like/want to do and never shuts up. She loves to get dirty, she's still not grown out of her tt's, and loves to pick on her brother.

Saying that though, she is also very sweet and loving at times and her behaviour is mostly due to what happened to her when she was little so some of it can be forgiven. I still love her heaps and she's my little girl, I wouldn't change her for the world no matter how much I wish I could sellotape her mouth shut sometimes

So it just goes to show that yes, sometimes boys are smelly and dirty and horrid and a handful, but sometimes girls are too. I would be sad too thanks

sonlypuppyfat Sun 20-Jul-14 11:24:47

I've got one boy two girls and he is far easier. He just gets on with it. He never asks for money clothes anything. He is also the best company and fun of anyone I've ever known. I wish I had a hundred of him.

WorraLiberty Sun 20-Jul-14 11:24:49

See I've got 3 boys and have never experienced anything like this

If anything, I get "Oh you're lucky, boys are so easy. They don't do all the drama like girls do"....etc

But anyone who uses the word 'horrid' deserves a kick in the clunge to be honest.

It's a horrid word

I've had the odd couple of comments in the past about having 3 boys.

I would look at them in the way they deserved to be looked at; like they were talking shite.

It's a valuable look to learn.

fuzzpig Sun 20-Jul-14 11:27:44

Totally agree. Pisses me right off.

We have a girl 7 and a boy nearly 5.

One of them is at various times sensitive, affectionate, boisterous, messy, hard working, funny, silly, toilet humoury, loud, irritating, grumpy, over active, outdoorsy, nurturing and friendly.


AND SO IS THE OTHER ONE.

<gasp>

StillFrigginRexManningDay Sun 20-Jul-14 11:27:59

Feel sorry for the children of parents who pigeon hole them. They are not just girly or boyish, they are individuals who can exibit a whole range of behaviours and traits wrongly associated to each gender.

settingsitting Sun 20-Jul-14 11:28:28

I saw a family of 3 girls this weekend, and didnt like the look of that much either!

Flexibilityiskey Sun 20-Jul-14 11:28:44

I wouldn't be too sad about it. It is an uninformed opinion. They don't really know what they are talking about. You know what your boys are like, and are happy with them. What does it matter what someone who doesn't know them thinks they might be like?

I have a boy. He is at times dirty, noisy and smelly. He is also bloody lovely. I have friends with girls who are also all of those things at times.

Mumtums Sun 20-Jul-14 11:28:53

I find this

StrawberryMouse Sun 20-Jul-14 11:29:43

My sons are exactly as you describe. But I love it! I always wanted boys.

StrawberryCheese Sun 20-Jul-14 11:30:46

I have heard different viewpoints on having boys. My DM said it took her a while to come to terms with the fact that my DB was a boy. She hadn't even considered it an option so had only picked a possible girls name etc. on the other hand I know someone with two boys who is relieved she never had girls. I would be delighted with whatever I had, I don't think boys mean more work. If anything, I gave my DM more grief than my brother.

JeDeLo Sun 20-Jul-14 11:31:04

I am pregnant with a girl so of course I tell myself all the positives of girls and focus on the alleged negatives of boys - just because it makes me feel good about the hand I've been given, and that's what all these other mums are doing (it's just unfortunate that you got trapped in a room full of 'team pink'). But of course it's silly and I would pay zero heed to it if I had a boy. I know little boys that are wonderfully sensitive, beautiful souls. My husband has an incredibly deep and loving relationship with his mother, so I'm sure she would have a thing to say about these sweeping generalisations.

If it was me in staffroom I would have been tempted to mention that they might want to revisit the boy/girl debate when the kids are all 16 and the girls are an utter nightmare.

GretchenWiener Sun 20-Jul-14 11:32:03

even on here i have had incredulity and I think quite a lot of personal attacks on the notions that my sons never fight.

people wouldn't expect girls to kick and punch each other - why do we expect it of boys?

pictish Sun 20-Jul-14 11:32:28

Having two boys and a girl myself, I have to say that they have all been as noisy/dirty/smelly as one another, with no discernible difference in how 'good' or 'bad' their behaviour is. They are all as equally delightful or challenging as one another.

Some people really do talk the biggest load of crap. I would normally say to dismiss it as ignorant thick-arse bollocks...but actually, your workmates there were pretty insulting about your sons, and I don't blame you for feeling pissed off.
Bet you wish you could travel back in time and assert yourself.

Mumtums Sun 20-Jul-14 11:32:39

Stoopid phone.

Find this attitude so strange and have come across this too, though not in such blatant terms as the OP.

Most of these women will be married to men, or at least needed one to procreate in the first place.

C'mon, males aren't that bad, are they? hmm

HaroldLloyd Sun 20-Jul-14 11:32:57

I've had comments in RL seriously.

You need to have another one to get a girl, I don't know how you cope with two boys.

I just ignore them, silly isn't it.

StickyEmInTheRibs Sun 20-Jul-14 11:35:53

DID WORRA JUST SAY CLUNGE ..
Lol.

I was worse, and still am noisier than my brothers,

Greythorne Sun 20-Jul-14 11:36:21

I have girls and I am often told what a nightmare they will be when adolescence sets in and they both become hormonal and ratty. I am told they will fight over clothes and make up and it will be a nightmare.

Conclusion: some people say idiotic things.

wonderingsoul Sun 20-Jul-14 11:36:51

I used to feel like this, also still to some degree that children on the daughters side have more contact with the daughters mum.

I desperately wanted girls, but I have two boys who are loud, messy, gross and have never ending energy. But they are also very loving, kind, genital funny and love cuddles, I wouldn't swap them for the world.

beepbeep Sun 20-Jul-14 11:37:29

I have 2 DDs and 1 DS, all are noisy, smelly & disgusting at times, however my girls squabble more & DS is so SO much more loving towards me than the girls.

He does wipe his bogeys on the walls mind!!

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