To want to take these birthday presents off ds (5)

(128 Posts)
plentyofpipecleaners Sat 19-Jul-14 10:40:10

Birthday is tomorrow. Huge stash of presents in our dressing room - where he never goes. Those from us have not been wrapped yet and were still in Amazon boxes. The other day he revealed he had been in and seen the main present from us - something he has wanted for ages and I was really excited to have got it for him. I think he went in because he saw me taking all the presents from his party in there. He got such a telling off I really didn't think he would go back in. Very stupid mistake.

Today I went to make his bed, and under the covers was this item, out of the packaging, tiny accessories all over the bed etc. I flipped. It wasn't pretty, lots of shouting, marched him to swimming (we were running late), with him shouting, "Mummy doesn't love me, just calm down mummy!" I told him it would be going in the bin.

I have since calmed down and told him I do love him (I never said I didn't btw) and that it won't go in the bin. However, I have also said there will be a punishment and I need to think of a suitable one. Could I hold it back for a week or so? Would this make sense to him? Would he connect it to the 'crime'?

He has also revealed that he knows nearly every other present, so there are to be no surprises tomorrow - apart from gifts given by others. I am really upset about this as had been really looking forward to seeing his face, but now he knows it all. But it's really my own fault and, as he explained himself, he was just 'so excited'.

AIBU to not give him the toy tomorrow?

mommy2ash Sat 19-Jul-14 10:46:06

I think you were being unreasonable to make such a big deal about it from the start he is only five. the surprise is to benefit you so who cares

I remember when my mum bought the first PlayStation for my brother when it came out in October I was supposed to keep it a secret. I was too excited and told him and when my mom worked every day between three and five we would take it out set it up and play it. no harm came to anyone and we still laugh about it now

I agree with mommy2ash, and you said it yourself - you are angry because YOU don't get the pleasure of his surprise. I'm quite sensitive to this because my MIL is guilty of the same thing - she overspends horrendously on birthdays and Christmas but she doesn't seem to realise that she doesn't want to give the recipients pleasure as much as she wants the pleasure of amazing them with her gifts. So it's ultimately mostly selfish, not generous.

You failed to keep a secret from a child barely 5 years of age, and you're upset because he was overcome by his curiosity and excitement.

YABU.

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Jul-14 10:50:36

I would let the lack of surprise and the ticking off stand as his punishment, no need to carry it on for another week.

You've admitted it's your fault really, he's only 5 bless him, it's in their genetic make up to ferret out things you want to keep hidden grin

IMO this is one of those things you'll both piss yourselves at when he's in his 20s. Honestly, it's not too bad in the scheme of things, there are tons of much worse stuff he could have done.

He's done something he shouldn't and he's been told off for it, try to leave it there.

noblegiraffe Sat 19-Jul-14 10:51:56

Hide his presents better. He's 5! How much self control do you expect a 5 year old to have?

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 19-Jul-14 10:52:05

He's 5 be a bit more realistic about life

adsy Sat 19-Jul-14 10:52:27

Poor little chap.
You've ruined his birthday already.
You've gone way over the top. He was all excited about his great pressie and you've ruined his excitement. I think you've been horrible to him.

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Jul-14 10:53:04

grin at your sneaky gaming mommy, did he have to practice his surprise face for when it was officially given to him? Your parents must have been impressed by how good he was on it grin

londonrach Sat 19-Jul-14 10:55:00

He 5 with the excitement of a 5 year old. I'd get him a little surprise pressie. Next time can you hid the pressies better. Happy birthday for tomorrow op ds.

gordyslovesheep Sat 19-Jul-14 10:55:02

good lord he's 5 - lighten up and calm down

EvaBeaversProtege Sat 19-Jul-14 10:56:06

Wait.

You brought his presents from his party home, unopened & they remain unopened?

Is that normal? It's not the norm here!

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sat 19-Jul-14 10:56:25

You said you took all his presents from the party and put them there too? Did you not let him open any on the day of his party? If so I think that's a bit much tbh to expect I 5 year old to resist so much temptation.

It would have made me cross too and it sounds like you gave him quite a telling off I would leave it now and be more careful about hiding gifts in the future.

adeucalione Sat 19-Jul-14 10:56:52

I don't think you were particularly cunning to hide unwrapped birthday presents in your dressing room, particularly after allowing him to see you stashing party presents in there.

Honestly, it's not that hard to hide stuff from a 5yo, so you should be kicking yourself really.

I actually feel really sorry for him - he's demonstrated the willpower and impulse control you'd expect from an excited 5yo and you've completely over-reacted.

I don't suppose opening the presents will be much fun tomorrow - not because he's seen them, but because you've taken the shine off so spectacularly.

Can't you just give him a cuddle, explain that you're disappointed that he won't have any surprises and just hide presents better next time?

5madthings Sat 19-Jul-14 10:56:59

Fgs he is five! You should have hidden his presents better!

And are you really making him wait to open presents from the party? If mine have their party earlier they still open the party presents that day/wkend and then they will have family presents etc on their actual bday.

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Jul-14 10:57:16

Aww, don't say the OPs ruined his birthday adsy, she's accepted she went a bit OTT and should have hidden them better. There's plenty of time before tomorrow to pull a great birthday out of the bag for him, he'll have forgotten it and the lesson she wants him to learn by then anyway hmm grin

Pagwatch Sat 19-Jul-14 10:57:18

You are cross and frustrated but honestly, he's five.

A five year old has no impulse control and you have already freaked out at him.

In truth it was your fault. You failed to hide the present properly. But it's not the end of the world. He knows you are cross. Don't make a drama out of it - let it go. Lessons learnt all round.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sat 19-Jul-14 10:58:18

No Eva not the norm here either. We always open presents after the party regardless of whether it's the actual day of birthday or not.

mommy2ash Sat 19-Jul-14 10:58:42

the PlayStation was for Christmas so we had a good two months of playing it before that rolled around. he thought he would have another big present waiting as by that stage the PlayStation wasn't exciting anymore lol. my poor mom after all her saving up at the time must have thought he was very ungrateful.

we also used to peel the sellotape off the tin of roses chocolates eat some and tape it back up. by the time they were officially opened at Christmas my mom was ready to complain to Cadburys lol

being sneaky is all part of being a kid

5madthings Sat 19-Jul-14 10:58:50

Btw ad a teen I used to find presents and use them before I was given them and carefully repackage them... Sega mega drive, a personal CD player, gamboy etc etc...

Neverknowingly Sat 19-Jul-14 10:58:55

Well we're in the throws of 4th birthday parties at the moment and all the presents from the parties have been taken home with promises to the nearly 4 year old that they will be opened on the day. So yes, entirely "normal" Eva.

Agree with the others though OP - YABU.

DumDumDeeDay Sat 19-Jul-14 10:59:00

What ADSY said

poor wee soul, he needs it made up to him not punished, you sound miserable op

Dontgotosleep Sat 19-Jul-14 10:59:09

He's only 5. Just a baby really. He just found his toys and wanted to play with them. It's only child like. I'm sure he didn't do it malicously.
Happy birthday to your little one

5madthings Sat 19-Jul-14 10:59:36

itis same here re party presents they open them on day of party!

TheGirlOnTheLanding Sat 19-Jul-14 11:00:25

He's had a telling off and the consequences are the not having the surprise on his birthday, I'd have thought. I'd leave it at that, tbh. Hope he has happy birthday and you enjoy it too.

ICanSeeTheSun Sat 19-Jul-14 11:00:33

That was the fun of Christmas/birthday was to go and find the hiding place. To this day I don't like being surprised

Hope he has a good birthday.

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