To think I'm never going to get pregnant...

(164 Posts)
Sleepswithbutterflies Fri 18-Jul-14 10:46:12

Just in hospital recovering from my second egg collection - first ivf cycle failed.

The consultant has said I need a 'full review' because he thinks there's something wrong with me as well as the fact we have extreme make factor issues. We knew about the mfi which is why we went for ivf (icsi) in the first place but didnt expect my eggs to be total crap. I'm 31, ovulate every month, have good levels of follicles.
Today they've retrieved 9 eggs. Same as last time. I've already given up. I'm tempted not to bother taking the progesterone. What's the point? Sperm are crap. Eggs are crap.

And no, I don't want to adopt.

I'm so fed up.

sparechange Fri 18-Jul-14 12:03:38

Massive un-MN hugs and sympathy.
My two penn'eth:
Get tested for NK cells, or if they won't test, get them to put you on the steroids they would prescribe for a positive test
Are they doing a scratch/using embryo glue for the transfer? If not, ask for that for this transfer (might be too late for a scratch, but they can still use glue)
Have you had your thyroid tested? High TSH levels are associated with poor implantation, so ask them to look at that ASAP. If your TSH levels come back high, ask them to freeze this lot while your get your TSH down

Unfortunately, it is still a numbers game and a lot of it is out of your control. BUT, get yourself over to the IVF threads on the Conception board, and see the stories of people who were in your position and dreading their 2nd/3rd/4th rounds but then got the right outcome. It DOES happen

BubaMarra Fri 18-Jul-14 12:08:43

Yes, DHEA is a bit tricky, you should definentely speak to your consultant before taking it. CoQ10, on the other hand, is something that even the most conservative doctors agree with. Mega doses are needed (600-1000mg), preferably in the form of ubiqionol.
The fact that your consultant never heard of CoQ10 speaks volumes about his/her suitability for you and your case.
But as I said, this cycle is not over yet, so who knows, maybe you will not need a new clinic for another couple of years smile

BubaMarra Fri 18-Jul-14 12:20:19

Oh and I forgot to add, there are different (indirect) indicators of egg quality, but the single most powerfull one is age.
At 31, in reproductive terms, you are still young and don't be easily talked into crap eggs speak. It is something some clinics resort to instead of admitting that they couldn't figure out adequate protocol/their lab is crap/there are further investigation that need to be done instead of rushing into another cycle/etc.
Yes, maybe your eggs are not super eggs, but at 31 they should be good enough. It could mean that a bigger effort needs to be done on the part of the clinic, so you need to find a clinic that is up to that task.

Sleepswithbutterflies Fri 18-Jul-14 13:15:36

Thank you. Am home now.
I just felt like the consultant had written me off! He asked what my hba1c is (5.9) and pulled a hmm face. 5.9 is bloody excellent! It's normal for someone without diabetes. In fact my diabetes clinic always say it's the best one they have.
He just kept saying he thought there were 'other issues'. But wouldn't say that and no one mentioned this to us last time.

We will definitely change clinics. The embryologist was much more positive which was nice, we've been able to have ivf rather than icsi because dh's sperm had improved a lot today for some reason. She said this was good because the less the eggs were interfered with the better. She didnt seem to think egg quality last time was bad.

So why the consultant was so defeatist I don't know but it makes me worry that he knows something I don't! The success rates at the clinic are more or less the national average.

Statistics sadly don't mean much. Even he very best looking clinics fudge them - one withh the very highest success rates have a parallel clinic where patients who are less likely to be successful are treated sad sadly this is not uncommon at all.

Fwiw the embryologist is more likely to know what they're talking about than the consultant will at this stage x

FraidyCat Fri 18-Jul-14 13:50:29

The success rates at the clinic are more or less the national average.

Not relevant to the OP as she's younger, but when we asked about success rates I think we were quoted 38%, which I think was above average. That was a disingenuous answer, that may well be the clinic overall success rate but (on our last attempt) the general age-related success rate for the procedure was only something like 12%, I subsequently found out. We would probably have had at least one fewer unsuccessful cycles had we been quoted probabilities conditional on age.

Yy to FraidyCat - it's not a "one size fits all" statistic

Toottootoffwego Fri 18-Jul-14 14:08:28

Get hold of "is my body baby friendly?" By Dr Alan Beer. It deals with auto immune issues, Nk's, and many of the issues relating to poor ovulation and implantation as well as rpt mc.

Btw 9 is good. 12 is apparently optimal and much over that and you're risking hyper stimulation.

For suspected immune issues Care at Nottkngham, ARGC and UCH were big on them, and have excellent results.

I do recall feeling like you. Right now the results of one of my cycles is rubbing crisps into the carpet.

boldlygoingsomewhere Fri 18-Jul-14 14:16:06

Please try not to worry about the amount of eggs. When I had ivf we only had 3 at the collection stage of which 2 went on to fertilise and we had one blastocyst put in. We now have a lovely DD.

It is so hard to go through ivf and feel defeated by the whole process. Sending virtual hugs!

HopefulMum111 Fri 18-Jul-14 14:18:45

Oh sleepswithbutterflies, sending you big hugs. I hope you do get your BFP soon. thanks

Trooperslane Fri 18-Jul-14 14:27:15

Agree with pp that 10 is a good aim, so you're pretty much bang on tbh.

Keep as positive as you can op.

Been there. It's totally, totally shit.

Have you accessed the counselling service? That really helped me.

feel free to pm me if it would help x

Sleepswithbutterflies Fri 18-Jul-14 14:43:46

ohfour thank you for pm, I will answer you a little later x x
Have been napping on and off. Feel more discomfort than last time although it's still well within the realms of 'bearable.'

lozster Fri 18-Jul-14 16:58:18

Have a look at the fertility section on here and also fertility friends.

I was 41 when I had my DS who is one next Friday. He was conceived on my 4th round of IVF - my 13th round of fertility treatment. I never got more than 4 eggs. He was one of 3. he was conceived after taking DHEA for, I think, 4 months.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. It's not fair but there is probably still hope and time for you.

RevoltingPeasant Fri 18-Jul-14 17:05:19

try reading this thread

OP I haven't RTFT but this thread helped me enormously when we had fertility issues. Plenty of people on IVF on it, many very knowledgeable.

And take the progesterone. This might be your chance!

GinIceAndASlice Fri 18-Jul-14 17:15:01

Oh sleeps! Don't give up hope just yet!

I have had 2 excellent, perfect embryos transferred which resulted in nothing a bfn.

Next time one good and one dodgy one and had DD.

On our last attempt we had one 6 cell and one 8 cell, both slow developers with fragmentation. We were told not to get our hopes up. Both took and I had twins.

I know its anecdotal but sometimes "quality" means jack shit there is still so much they don't know.

Hope your feeling a little less rough x

UnderIce Fri 18-Jul-14 18:13:21

Good luck OP, I have no comprehension of what you're going through but I imagine it must be totally shit. I wish you well, I really do.

Devilforasideboard Fri 18-Jul-14 18:20:40

Don't give up! I got 7 eggs at the grand old age of 35 and it worked. 2 went to blasto and one is now sat on the floor next to me hitting things playing with his toys.

Sleepswithbutterflies Fri 18-Jul-14 18:33:06

I know it can work...in theory.

I just felt so disheartened after seeing the consultant and it annoyed me that I've been merrily sailing along and no one had mentioned to me that they thought there were 'other issues'. No no. They let us spend the £5k first and THEN they mentioned it.
Although as I said he couldn't seem to tell me what issues they might be.

Hopefully the embryologist will ring and say we've got some fertilised. We had 100% last time for all the good if did us but I'm a bit worried because we've had ivf rather than icsi so wondering if we will get any even though the clinic recommended we have the ivf not the icsi.

worriedmum100 Fri 18-Jul-14 18:35:29

I totally get how hard this is and the feeling that you want to give up.

I feel the same today. Not exactly the same situation as you but just had my second miscarriage this year, the first was following fertility treatment and this latest one was after finally getting an endometriosis diagnosis after 2 years of not conceiving on our own, followed by surgery, followed by an immediate natural pregnancy that ended in a MMC at 9 weeks and an ERPC two days ago. It's crap and I completely understand the feeling that your body/eggs/everything is rubbish and can't do what it's supposed to. You wonder why you go on doing this to yourself.

There is no magic that will make it better. People in our situation just keep on plugging away because we simply have to - until the thought of carrying on is worse than the thought of no children/no more children and I'm a long way off that despite everything we've been through.

It sounds you have had a lot to deal with and have come so far. You must be an incredibly strong person. I wish you all the best x

eurochick Fri 18-Jul-14 19:13:09

On our 4th round we got 4 eggs from a mild stimulation cycle and there was only one embie still going at day 3. It was only 5 cells and had some fragmentation. We asked the embryologist what was going wrong and he suggested using donor eggs. I cried and had no hope. That embie arrived kicking and screaming into the world yesterday. There is so much they don't know about embryo development. On earlier cycles I had had two grade 1 embies put back and miscarried and got a bfn. Don't give up yet.

Sleepswithbutterflies Fri 18-Jul-14 19:32:09

Oh wow euro - was it a boy or girl embie?
Congratulations x x x

zeezeek Fri 18-Jul-14 19:50:31

My darling, don't give up. You are young and there is still a long way to go and you don't know yet if this round has even been unsuccessful! Even if it has, then just because one consultant made one comment (which he has no evidence to back up) does not mean that this is it for you.

You've had one round - it is rare that it works first time.

Just keep calm, although I know it's difficult, and see how it goes. FWIW I never thought I would have children - after having cancer in my early 20's and lots of chemo, but I somehow found myself pregnant at 39 and then managed it again a couple of years later - in my 40's when everyone was telling me that it wasn't going to happen.

I can't say that this will definitely happen for you - who can, but this could be your time. Please don't give up yet.

Lots of un-MN-y hugs xxx

Toottootoffwego Fri 18-Jul-14 20:33:10

Wow Eurochick, you made it! I remember your posts about 4 years ago when I had my last cycle. You've had a hell of a ride. Massive congratulations! Enjoy your baby, God knows you've earned it.

<there's something in my eye> grin

Toottootoffwego Fri 18-Jul-14 20:39:40

OP, I'm a prolific poster but a serial name changer and posted on here and fertilityfriends and another site for years and I'll tell you this: In the hundreds of women I followed and posted with, I can only think of two, who never got there. They both were well into their 40s and one went on to adopt and the other drew a line under it. And sad though it was that their journeys were as traumatic, that's actually only ONE who didn't make it to motherhood.
Please hang in there. X

zeezeek Fri 18-Jul-14 21:18:34

See, there are so many supportive people and success stories! Stay positive!! Hope that you are soon holding your LO. xxxx

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now