My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Am I a noisy neighbour or am I being harassed?

96 replies

QuietlyCurious92 · 13/07/2014 17:35

Heya, so a little advice here would be greatly appreciated (and the honest truth more so, I won't take offence!)

A couple months ago I moved into a four in a block top floor flat, lovely area and all my neighbours seemed great. Got along well with my downstairs neighbours as much as an introvert who suffers panic attacks and anxiety can and they were really lovely and welcoming. However after a couple of weeks I received a visit from the social work, my downstairs neighbours had complained of my children (2 and 4) being in my garden (enclosed, safe and well away from any main roads) unsupervised. This happened twice early in the morning as the medication the doctor gave me was making it near impossible for me to wake up. I hadn't known about this but the social worker said she had no concerns and helped me get a chain on the door so the children couldn't get out, I went back to the doctor and had the medication changed and everything was fine. Another complaint was submitted to the social work, a report of a strange man coming in and out of my house. This happened to be my partner, we don't live together though he visits often. They also complained of the children looking out the windows a lot. Social work asked about the man for child safety reasons but other than that had absolutely no concerns. About a week after that they stopped my partner as he was leaving my home and threatened to damage his car if he parked in front of the house in "their" space again (on road, no designated parking spots) and of him leaving the gates open. My partner apologised, explained he hadn't realised it was their spot but told them if any damage happened to his car he would get the police involved. Everything once again returned to normal. The week after they complained to the council that my bins weren't being emptied. The council came out the same day and checked the bins, saw they were fine and informed me of what happened. I asked their advice on the current situation and was told someone would phone me but u received no call. A few days after this had happened the male came to my door and asked to talk to me. I was happy to talk and invited him in but he declined and told my my children running around and playing inside was causing them a lot of noise disturbance. I apologised several times and was mortified, I had no intention of causing them any disruptions. I promised him I would immediately lower the noise levels and I was again incredibly sorry. This seemed to put everything back on track, the kids were stopped running around in the house as much as possible, I keep the TV at a volume so low you can't hear it, I took the battery's out of any noisy toys and gave constantly kept the noise as low as I can with having two young children. A few days later I asked if the noise had been any better and he had said yes, I apologised once again and everything seemed fine. Until two weeks after that when my daughter woke at 6 am and went to the toilet, at 6.15 there was a banging on the door and the male was there, nearly shouting about how my children had just woke everyone in their house and it wasn't acceptable, there was noise coming from my house all day every day and someone racing back and forth across the floor until 11th at night. I tried to apologise if we had caused a disturbance and tried to suggest that maybe all the noise wasn't coming from my house as I was keeping things as quiet as possible and the children were in bed by 7.30. At this point my son woke upset and came down the stairs trailed by my still half asleep daughter and the new kitten. He pointed at the kitten and half shouted how that must be making all the noise. I explained that he was tiny and made next to no noise at all, perhaps it wasn't us, apologised again to have him shout it wasn't good enough and storm off. The children were upset and I started having a severe panic attack which led to them starting every time I hear noise in my house. A couple of days after this happened me and the kids were playing in my garden when he opened the gate and let his daughter (a couple years older than my daughter) in to play with the kids like nothing had happened. My mum then came to stay for a week with my younger brother and sister, the noise was quite a bit louder but I received no complaints. However today (two days after my mum having left) the male came to my door at 2.30 pm while me and my children were sitting on Skype to their father. He straight away went 'do you know what's going on in your house?' I was rather confused and asked him what he meant, and he started going on about my children banging on the floor for the past hour. I told him it definitely was not my kids as they were on Skype and my daughter had only ran to her room once to get a teddy to show her dad, other than that they hadn't left the sofa. He continued going on about how there was constantly noise coming from my house and if it didn't stop he would seek mediation, he'd been nothing but nice to me by cutting my grass and his wife looking after my children by sending them back inside when I first moved in and how their life had been unbearable since I moved in and I let my children run riot and I didn't look after him. I tried to tell him I was keeping things quiet as I could and that it wasn't them banging today but he kept cutting me off. I then told him that he was causing me to have a panic attack by being so aggressive and he replied that it wasn't his problem, that he went out of his way to help his neighbours and I made absolutely no effort. After that he stormed off. I phoned the antisocial behaviour team and put in a complaint but I'm not sure if it is my fault and if I really am being too noisy.

My children are two and four, my son (2) does run a lot and even being reminded constantly to walk nicely he forgets. My daughter does run sometimes but for the most part she's been good about walking. She does however throw a lot of tantrums, she's very strong willed and objects being told what to do. I'm the first person to admit my children are noisy sometimes, they're loud and they can be boisterous. However they do get in trouble for this and I make an effort constantly to keep them quiet. I walk around as quiet as I can myself and make as little noise as possible after the kids are in bed. I don't have parties, don't drink or play loud music/tv and I keep to myself as much as possible. However I will say that I don't have any problems with my other neighbours, they are all very lovely and welcoming.

So is it just me? Am I a bad neighbour? If I am, I'd honestly like to be told, I don't mean to cause anyone problems. Also, any really good ways to stop kids making so much noise in a flat? I don't think there is much soundproofing here ??

OP posts:
Report
MrsCumbersnatch · 13/07/2014 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SiennaBlake · 13/07/2014 17:38

I stopped reading halfway through because it really does seem like harassment to me. Normal family noise is something they just have to deal with especially if they choose to live in a flat.

Report
Pumpkinpositive · 13/07/2014 17:38

You are being harassed. Thanks

Incidentally, what kind of flooring do you have?

Report
NewtRipley · 13/07/2014 17:43

OP

I think from whatbyou write, you have made every effort to be accomodating, and they have a bee in their bonnet.To me, it is harrassment


Mrs Cumbersnatch

Really? Is that the only thing you could think of to write?

Report
MagnificentMaleficent · 13/07/2014 17:44

I can read it fine OP.

He's a bully if he's scaring you. Refuse to engage and suggest he contacts the council.

Keep a record of all incidents.

If he does have a point then the council will deal with it in a less frightening manner.

Report
Simile · 13/07/2014 17:44

Harassment. Funny how they didn't complain when you had your family over. Ring 101 for advice?

Report
JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 13/07/2014 17:44

I think having a downstairs neighbour like this would give me panic attacks too

Op you've done more than enough to make him happy, he just can't be appeased. You and your children have the right to enjoy your home which it doesn't sound like you are.

I also wonder why, if he has a wife she doesn't talk to you about it. It's like he wants to bully you

Be firm and be confident. Tell him you're going to the council and the police to report his harassment and keep a diary of further harassment

This has to stop

Report
tobeabat · 13/07/2014 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatisaweekend · 13/07/2014 17:46

Sounds like harassment to me. Speak to your other neighbours - do any of them have problems with him?

Report
JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 13/07/2014 17:46

Mrs cumbersnatch - that's really helpful, cheers

Report
NewtRipley · 13/07/2014 17:46

If he wants to seek mediation, maybe call his bluff. Until then, i would refuse to talk to him without another person present.

Report
ConstableOdo · 13/07/2014 17:47

Yes, this is harrassment and your neighbour is an interfering, controlling arsehole of the worst kind. Keep the council involved and keep a record.

Report
AnyoneForTennis · 13/07/2014 17:47

You yourself say they are loud and noisy... That's a problem

Your partner and his car, that's just weird

Report
Mabelface · 13/07/2014 17:48

Interesting that he only had a go at you when you're alone. If he intimidates you and frightens you, I'd call 101 and speak to the police.

Report
EATmum · 13/07/2014 17:48

Do you know anything about the neighbour who moved out when you moved in? I wonder if any of your other neighbours might know if they had similar problems? Is there a landlord who might get involved?

Report
ballinacup · 13/07/2014 17:49

Sounds like harassment to me. Every time he comes steaming to your door, log it with the council.

Mrscumbersnatch, don't be a dick.

Report
Pico2 · 13/07/2014 17:50

I sounds like harassment. Stop apologising when you haven't done anything - it implies that you accept what he has said is true. Are you renting?

Report
JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 13/07/2014 17:51

But they've also reported you to social services and to the council without good reason. This goes beyond the noise issue

I wonder if they try to drive out all their downstairs neighbors

Report
elfycat · 13/07/2014 17:51

I'd suggest copy and paste and do a few paragraphs, but I followed it.

You are being harrassed. Call 101 and report them every single time anything happens. They live in a flat and it's an unfortunate fact that you have to live with reasonable noise from neighbours twitches as I remember the non stop Mambo No5 from a terraced house NDN's teenage daughter

You have children, children make noise. I'm assuming you haven't moved into one on those weird child-free retirement villages so any property may be occupied by a family at any time. They have t live with that.

As they have called SS and the council on you I think you have no option but to report them. They're obviously hoping that if they throw enough shit at you some will stick, or you'll leave.

I have a 3&5 year old and they are energetic, noisy little buggers. They piss me off at times, let alone if they weren't mine. I bet your children aren't any worse than mine, and mine are great.

Report
Andanotherthing123 · 13/07/2014 17:53

Sorry to hear you are having to endure this-this man sounds like he's a bully and is harassing you.

you shouldn't have to live with constant worry that your kids may make what is perfectly normal noise for children of that age.

it does seem likely that the sound proofing isn't good but that isn't your problem. Keep going with your complaint against this man and don't doubt youraelf.

Report
QuietlyCurious92 · 13/07/2014 17:54

@MrsCumbersnatch sorry my lack of paragraphic use offends you, perhaps try just reading a sentence at a time?

@Everyone else, thanks. I've never lived in a top floor flat before so have no idea on acceptable amounts of noise, nor really had to worry about the kids running. Though I do understand that running must cause a lot of noise (hence the stopping of it). It's all carpets, I've put a big rug down in the sitting room too and the kids both have small ones next to their beds. The kitchen is laminate though and the bathroom is tiled, but they aren't really high traffic areas, kids not being allowed in the kitchen when I'm cooking and not being allowed to play in the bathroom. I do know that the kids also make noise too, I'm just not sure of the amount that's acceptable for a flat, I've seen a lot of complaints on downstairs neighbours complaining about children in upstairs flats and I don't really want to be the neighbour that makes life unbearable for someone else.

OP posts:
Report
WalkWithTheLonelyOnes · 13/07/2014 17:54

MrsCumbersnatch if you can't read that (even though everyone else can just fine) that's your problem. Thanks for the really unhelpful input Biscuit

Tbh OP it would be hard to tell without being there and hearing the noise.

In regards to everything else your neighbours sound like aggressive busy bodies. I would put a report in to 101 about them threatening to damage DP's car. That way if they do anything the police will have a record of their threat.

I would also not accept any more favours as he seems to be using this as ammo

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

QueenHaakonVII · 13/07/2014 17:56

Depending on the flooring and general construction of the building it can be really hard to keep noise levels down to a reasonable level. It probably is irritating for your nieghbours but it not your fault either.

He does sound like a bully. Sad. I would not answer the door to him and would log any incidents.

Do you have carpets or rugs?

Who owns the flats?

Report
NewtRipley · 13/07/2014 17:58

OP

You sound really reasonable to me. The man sounds like he's complained about ridiculous things -the car is a case in point. Although I understand you are feeling fragile, I think if you grant any more concessions he will only feel more powerful

There are some incredibly unreasounable neighbours out there.

Report
adeucalione · 13/07/2014 17:58

It sounds like you are accommodating and apologetic, and he is taking advantage of that. He is a bully. It is odd that he didn't complain when your family were over. I would bet anything that he'd be a bit nicer if you lived with a 6' rugby player.

Having said that, it is worrying that your very young children were outside without your knowledge, albeit down to your medication. I wonder whether he got the wrong impression about you from that encounter.

I think you need to toughen up a bit.

When he complains about your DP's parking - there is no designated parking so he'll park where he likes.

When he complains about your DC going to the loo you need an incredulous look - 'yes little children do sometimes go to the loo and if normal family noise upsets you I suggest you move to a detached house'.

And talk to your neighbours. He's probably a pain to everyone, and it'll make you feel better.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.