To think we've accepted the invite so ds should go to this party?

(83 Posts)
Sleepswithbutterflies Sat 12-Jul-14 18:25:55

Ds was invited to a party (reception year) ages ago. Party is at 4-6 tomorrow afternoon. We accepted the invite.

Dh has now come back from PiL and announced that brother in law is having a BBQ tomorrow afternoon for niece's birthday, she's 27 by the way so not a child.
Dh wants me to text party invite mother and say ds can no longer go. I don't think this is very fair. Besides which BBQ will be full of adults getting drunk and no other children and ds will get bored. It will be too late to go afterwards as wouldn't get there before 8ish and ds has school on Monday.

Aibu to think we have accepted the invite so should go? Dh's family is huge and there's always something or another of theirs to go to so it's not like we never see them, in fact I don't think we've missed anything else ever. I've suggested popping round beforehand with a present and to say happy birthday, but apparently this isn't good enough.

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 12-Jul-14 18:30:21

Surely you can do both? 27 yo party unlikely to be over very early, so you could go to the family one after the friend?

I think you ought to honour the original commitment

bronya Sat 12-Jul-14 18:31:30

Can't he go to the BBQ and you take DS to the party?

Sleepswithbutterflies Sat 12-Jul-14 18:31:33

It'll be too late - it'll be 8pm when we get there.
I'm having Ivf and need to do jabs at 8ish and then generally feel rough so aside from the fact ds has school on Monday it'll all be a bit much.

Sleepswithbutterflies Sat 12-Jul-14 18:35:04

No because he wants me to drive so he can have a drink.

Isitmylibrarybook Sat 12-Jul-14 18:35:40

I think you're absolutely right - suppose everyone cancelled the dc's party because there is now a family barbecue/insert better option? Birthday dc would be very disappointed. Illness is one thing, a new event quite another.

Could ds go to party and dh to barbecue as suggested upthread - perfect solution!

steff13 Sat 12-Jul-14 18:36:07

Take your son to the kid's party, let your husband go to the BBQ for your niece. They certainly can't expect you to drop everything at the last minute to come to an adult's birthday party.

Bowlersarm Sat 12-Jul-14 18:38:04

Can't you drop and pick your DS off from the BBQ rather than your home?

If it's not possible then you need to stick to the original plan, and not skip the party because something else has come up.

Isitmylibrarybook Sat 12-Jul-14 18:38:23

Sorry - cross posted! Is it reasonably close by so dh could get a taxi and therefore be able to drink?
If not then I think birthday dc takes priority - invite accepted, the 'oh it doesn't matter if one person cancels' doesn't work because suppose everyone did that?

steff13 Sat 12-Jul-14 18:38:47

Your husband doesn't have to have a drink, or he could always call a cab.

Sleepswithbutterflies Sat 12-Jul-14 18:39:48

It's about an hour away.
Dh's family tend to think that what they want is what should happen.
They will probably sulk if we don't all go.

IDontDoIroning Sat 12-Jul-14 18:44:47

Ah .. So dh doesn't really care about ds he just wants to go to an adults piss up and ds and you can just tag along / do the taxi service.
No YANBU.

littleducks Sat 12-Jul-14 18:45:01

Your ds will have been catered for at the birthday party (and looking forward to it?) He should go

PinkSquash Sat 12-Jul-14 18:45:06

Let them sulk, they're adults. Your DC would probably enjoy the party more than a drunken adult bbq.

Pancakeflipper Sat 12-Jul-14 18:45:36

I think it would be very rude to drop out (except for illness etc).
But my mother was really rigid about good manners and if you accept then only a serious reason deters you, not a fancy doing something else instead.

Littlefish Sat 12-Jul-14 18:46:53

Your dh is being very unreasonable. You have accepted the child's party invitation so your ds should attend. Your Dh can go to the family party on his own.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Sat 12-Jul-14 18:50:22

He is BVU. You know that. Let him go on his own. Just don't engage in this nonsense.

Catsize Sat 12-Jul-14 18:50:51

Your son should go to the birthday party and your husband can say that he accepted that invitation first so has to go, and either DH goes by himself and (shock horror!) doesn't drink, or none of you go. Hey, how about he takes DS to party and you go to the niece's? ;-)

Sleepswithbutterflies Sat 12-Jul-14 18:51:06

If we had known about the family party first it would of course have taken priority.
As it was we were told about it today.

muffliato Sat 12-Jul-14 18:52:29

Your Dh is being very unreasonable and how unfair to the little birthday child. Take your ds to his friends party. Dh can go to the bbq himself.

TeenyfTroon Sat 12-Jul-14 18:52:47

Party takes priority. Don't give in. Do what you think is right - sorry, projecting own experience onto you!
YANBU

Sleepswithbutterflies Sat 12-Jul-14 18:53:48

Birthday child is leaving at the end of the school year. Dh said "it won't matter if he doesn't go, he will never see her again anyway in a couple of weeks."
Twat.

NormHonal Sat 12-Jul-14 18:54:37

Having been through IVF, I think the IVF should be your priority! So DS should go to his party as planned, the home for your IVF jab.

Keep things as simple and non-stress as possible.

Good luck x

NormHonal Sat 12-Jul-14 18:55:01

then home

basgetti Sat 12-Jul-14 18:55:22

Your DH is being very selfish. Not only would this be unfair on the birthday child, but also on your son who was no doubt looking forward to the party and would miss out on all the excited chatter about it on monday morning.

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