To be annoyed with friend....

[Freckletoes]

DS2 is 10 yrs and very good friends with a boy who lives down the road. We as parents are also good friends, socialize together, lift share etc. The boys spend their time either here for days, or there for days. DS was there yesterday and rang to ask if he could sleepover. I said yes but reminded him that if he was going to be out in the morning he would need sun cream on. He said he would get some when he came home for his things-which in the end he didn't do (often borrows clothes, toothbrush etc).

DS is blond and so pale skinned he is almost transparent! He has 8 hr sun cream liberally applied most mornings if he is going be out and about since you can never quite tell what the weather is going to do in this country. He spend Weds at a country show in blazing sun with friends but wasn't burnt because of the suncream.

He has come home this afternoon with friend in tow who is staying here tonight as his parents are out. He is absolutely frazzled. Not only his face and neck but his back and arms too as they have been in the inflatable pool. I was furious with him as initially he tried to deny I had told him about putting suncream on, and also for just being so bloody stupid. But then I had to think-he is just 10 and not the most responsible child.

AIBU unreasonable to think my friend should have given him cream to put on? Or sent him home to have it put on? He really is the ultimate pasty white child and quite obviously has the complexion to burn! I put cream on other friends' kids if they are here all day/overnight etc. If the child tells me they never have cream on then I ring their parents to check! Should I be cross with my friend (I am!) or should it have been my responsibility to ring in the morning and check?

[littlejohnnydory]

If he didn't come home and get the suncream then I think you should have dropped some off for him and mentioned to your friend that he really needs to wear it.

[littlejohnnydory]

Having said that, I'm quite careful about suncream and would check that a visiting child was wearing some - but if her kids don't burn easily then she may not have thought about it or if hers are used to taking the responsibility for making sure it's worn then she may have assumed that your ds could too - children are very different and ready for responsibility at different stages.

[ziggiestardust]

I would check in the summer if a visiting child was wearing sun cream. One application is rarely enough for a day in the paddling pool!

However, I would also have provided DS with sun protection to put on and mentioned to the parents it was there.

[MammaTJ]

I am so obsessed I even offer sun cream to random children!

I think the friend should have made sure he had some on. I know I would have done!

[dexter73]

I think you are all 3 a bit to blame!

Your son should have remembered as he is 10 and old enough to do it himself.

You should have taken the cream over if you were so keen for him to use it.

Mum should have put some on both of them if they were outside in the sun for ages.

[Freckletoes]

I'm the same Mamma!

The other boy is a year older and far less responsible then my boy!

The boys literally do live between the two houses in the holidays (which are about a minute walk apart) so I would assume you would suncream a child just the same way you would provide a warm coat if they went out in the winter, wellies for mud wading, change of clothes when wet etc. I was questioning my thorough approach to sun protection recently as so many people seem not to bother with anything on their kids but this has proved what I have been doing is essential. Apparently they put after sun on him before he came home...... Stable doors and bolting horses comes to mind...

[Freckletoes]

Have to add we live rural and they are always outside...

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

Depends. If you like her then why were you so idiotic / lazy not to send lotion and instructions with him? You're kid.

If you're not so bothered about her, yup she's stupid. Of course you're right. Fancy her endangering your pfb.

If you think both sound ridiculous, maybe just lighten up a bit. Shit happens occasionally.

[olaflikeswarmhugs]

I would have assumed the boys would put cream on my ds . Was your ds friend not burnt ?

[QuintessentiallyQS]

I think there are limits as to how much you can relinquish your parental responsibility, just because he is "out of sight", and at another family's house.

If the sun cream is such an issue, you could have walked down there with some, or rang the other mum in the morning.

I suppose now you both know whose responsibility the sun cream is?

[QuintessentiallyQS]

I just read that there is just a minutes walk.
What was stopping you?

[BalloonSlayer]

SO their house is a minute walk away . . . YOUR child, for whom YOU are responsible, said he was coming home to get sunscreen, but didn't . . . YOU could have walked a minute up the road or texted the friend but you didn't . . . and this is now everyone else's fault but yours?

[Ragwort]

I agree if it is that important then you should have popped round with the sun cream - I admit that because my DS and I tan very easily , I often forget about sun cream and wouldn't really think of offering it to visiting 10 year olds.

[Freckletoes]

I guess the assumption was that everyone is like myself and mamma. Wake up, it looks sunny, I have kids here (my own and others), they need suncream on. Just the same as they need breakfast and chasing up cleaning their teeth and putting on warm clothes for snow.....

Lesson learnt, no one has any responsibility for anyone but their own kids irrespective of where they are....

[Freckletoes]

Also raises the question about sun protection. I was under the impression that it was needed to prevent the suns effects on causing skin cancer not just stopping burning. So if a child tans they still need protection. But obviously not....

[dexter73]

I would just chalk it up to experience. Next time you know that he needs to take his suncream and that you need to tell the other mum he has to have it on. I don't think the other mum felt she had no responsibility towards your son, but that she isn't as worried about sun protection as you are.

[QuintessentiallyQS]

You dont know, other child may have just helped himself to sun-cream in their bathroom.

[WhereAreMyGlasses]

Did she put suncream on her own DS and not yours? Or were they just not wearing any?

[OnesEnough]

If looking after friends kids, I always make sure they are protected - ie. Lotion/hat/T-shirt on or whatever, particularly if in a pool or down by river as the sun is reflected.

[Freckletoes]

Neither had any on. Her son is also burnt but not as badly as mine as he has a darker complexion. I am treating them both with Aloe Vera and after sun!

[Thenapoleonofcrime]

One of mine is allergic to suncream so I'd hope you'd ask before you slapped it on, although she would know to say something if you advanced on her with it. She's 10.

If I was taking children out for the day, I might ask if they have suncream with them, but in general I don't apply sun-cream to other people's children if they were only around here for a couple of hours. I would assume they would send some/have put some on beforehand.

In this situation, you could have popped over easily, she could have put some on, your son should have remembered- it's just one of those things that happens easily. If he's very pale though, I think taking it with him or making sure he has it on him is a top priority.

[wheresthelight]

I agree with napoleon I would be very pissed off with you if you took it om yourself to apply any sort of cream to dd or dsd as they both have horrific eczema and are acutely sensitive to things like sun cream.

You were too lazy to walk up to your friends house to deliver much needed suncream to your ds. YOU are at fault not your friend

[Igggi]

I don't think you can assume everyone puts suncream on their dcs or thinks it is as necessary as teeth cleaning! Many children don't get enough sun, I certainly try to get mine in the sun for short periods for vit D.