to warn first time mums about the first day home from hospital?- but then to say things get better!

(317 Posts)
moscowflyer Sat 12-Jul-14 07:31:48

I had my gorgeous DTDs a month ago via ELCS at 38 weeks. The whole experience was really very lovely and positive. We were incredibly lucky with the pregnancy and the C-section. The hospital stay was great (we are expats living abroad, and hospitals here only have private rooms, not wards). The babies didn't need any special care and were with us from the moment they came out. DH stayed with us in the hospital for four nights and on the fifth day we came home. All of this is just to underline how fortunate we were and to explain that there weren't any bad experiences. The only difficulty was that we were very sleep deprived because the four of us had all been in one little room in the hospital for 4 nights so neither of us parents got more than 45 minutes sleep at a time.

Day 5 after they were born, the day we came home from hospital, was just AWFUL. I can honestly say I have never felt worse in my life. Waiting to be discharged from hospital DH and I were both so scared, obsessive, paranoid, depressed, exhausted. We were sweating with nerves and hormones (me). DH broke one of the car seats trying to get it out of the car out of sheer stress and frustration. We had a huge argument over this (we really rarely argue at all). On the way out of the hospital we nearly crashed into an ambulance. DH started swearing and gesturing at the driver. We had another argument. We got home and I just walked in the door with the pram and burst into uncontrollable sobs, and didn't stop crying for six hours. I also ranted and raged at DH for a gazillion different things. He took it on the chin but was badly shaken himself. I was totally inconsolable. I felt like death. It was utterly hideous. (Though, looking back, it does have some comedy value!)

In all of this the babies were absolutely fine- they slept through all the drama like two angels! We were very lucky. We had booked a maternity nurse to help out with the babies that night. She arrived that night to find me in shreds, DH on the verge of hysterics, and two sleeping babies. She put me to bed, and from the next morning Things. Got. Better. Now, a month on, life is (very gradually) taking a wonderful new shape.

I was chatting about this to a friend yesterday and she said every single woman she knows with kids has had a similar experience. Which got me thinking that forewarned is forearmed in these situations. I really wish someone had told me beforehand: (a) the day you get home from hospital with your first baby/babies is HORRENDOUS; (b) it starts to get better from that day on!

AIBU to think all first time mums should be told this?

Would really like to hear about other people's experiences, too. (Might reassure us that we're not the only couple to have had a massive row over car seats in the hospital car park!)

everythinghippie29 Sat 12-Jul-14 07:35:55

Apparently lots of people get the baby blues around day 4/5. DS was born just before Christmas and mine arrived Xmas day as the nurse turned up to do his heel prick test. I was in floods of tears for hours!

Glad you are feeling better, it really is such a strange time when you finally get them home alone!

everythinghippie29 Sat 12-Jul-14 07:36:13

Apparently lots of people get the baby blues around day 4/5. DS was born just before Christmas and mine arrived Xmas day as the nurse turned up to do his heel prick test. I was in floods of tears for hours!

Glad you are feeling better, it really is such a strange time when you finally get them home alone!

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sat 12-Jul-14 07:36:29

hmm So you're DH broke a car seat and almost crashed a car. I'd say that is not a typical' first day at home'.

CwtchesAndCuddles Sat 12-Jul-14 07:37:29

YABU - Sorry but not everyones experience is like that!

onestepbeyond Sat 12-Jul-14 07:40:47

My first day home was fine but things got worse reaching a peak at about 2 - 3 weeks still having wobbles to this day. You are right though, things do get better!

Slh122 Sat 12-Jul-14 07:41:44

How did you manage to get both babies home if you only had one car seat that was safe to use?

AllTheNamesIWantHaveGone Sat 12-Jul-14 07:44:08

YABU and will scare any expectant mothers reading this !

FWIW we brought our first DS home 6 months ago and, no, it was not horrendous. Quite the opposite - a very exciting day !

riskit4abiskit Sat 12-Jul-14 07:44:27

I was fine until week 4 when cracked nips had me in tears.

Mumof3xox Sat 12-Jul-14 07:48:44

Yabu

Most people don't get in a car crash on the way home and how rough was he being with the car seat! That is worrying!

With my dc1 we went home on day 2. He was lovely. I was a little tired but fine otherwise. No unfortunate incidents and lots of watching peaceful baby sleeping.

Dc2 I went home 6 hours after he was born. Had a one year old at home already. Again tired but all was well.

Dc3 I went home 5 hours after the birth. Two children at home. No drama. Family time and rest.

I experienced the baby blues only with dc3 and about a week after the birth for a few days. My partner and family were very supportive and it was soon all fine again

missbluebird Sat 12-Jul-14 07:50:51

When you're pregnant you don't hear the negatives anyway smile I would have thought yeah yeah whatever.

I got home to have my feuding family arrive moments later. Sitting with our newborn baby whilst arguments ensued wasn't great and not predictable.

I think everyone will vary as to their low point. Mine was definitely linked to sleep deprivation. It was also a shock to go from a week of having midwifes and nurses on hand 24/7 to doing it myself. Better advice is sleep when baby sleeps.Not that I took that advice myself!

bluebell345 Sat 12-Jul-14 07:51:30

with twins it is harder I guess at that situation.

My ds1 is 19 now , I still remember us bringing him home and having an issue with the car seat and belt, minor compared to your story, which sounds dramatic shock

There was no drama other than that, it was fine.

Sorry that you had an eventful homecoming but yours sounds like it's probably an exception.

pootlebug Sat 12-Jul-14 07:53:28

IMO many people get the baby blues around day 4-5. I came home from hospital on day 2 and it was absolutely fine - the uncontrollable crying, bleeding nipples etc that were hell came later.

KnackeredMuchly Sat 12-Jul-14 07:53:47

Yabu, I hate the "my experience is like this so yours will be too".

I think most mothers are aware how peculiar it will be bringing a baby home and having a "what now?" moment?

Why terrify them further? Did knowing labour was painful make it any less painful?

I was released on Day 4, waited 10 hours to be discharged which always gets your hackles up. I came home and my anxiety hit the roof!!

Having said that I remember my journey home with great fondness.

Trapper Sat 12-Jul-14 07:54:29

YABU - We went home very uneventfully on a London bus with both our DCs. We did not argue. I don't recognise the experience you describe at all.

Nicknacky Sat 12-Jul-14 07:55:29

For goodness sake, that might have been your experience but it certainly isn't the norm.

I'm glad I'm not a pregnant first time mother reading this. Both you and your husband sound a bit highly strung to be honest. Especially the part about being paranoid, obsessive when waiting to be discharged. I was excited, tired and looking forward to a coffee at that point.

peggyundercrackers Sat 12-Jul-14 07:56:35

yabu - we didn't have a coming home day anything like yours, nor has any of our friends. sounds like you had a rough time of it but it certainly isn't representative of what most people experience.

ChristopherRobin Sat 12-Jul-14 07:57:44

YABU for thinking that everyone's first day is HORRENDOUS. Mine was lovely, I was so bloody relieved to be home, my baby slept most of the time. I remember being able to shower, drink coffee while opening the millions of cards that came through the door and stare at my baby all day.
YANBU to let women know that they MAY find at some point in the first few weeks or months that everything is HORRENDOUS and that it does get easier. For me it was 2 weeks in, the day my DH went back to work, baby was up all night and I was on my own for the first time. Once I got the hang of it though it did get better.
Glad you're feeling better.

thatstoast Sat 12-Jul-14 07:58:55

I think your mistake was leaving on day five. I came home the same day and felt great, still full of adrenaline. Day five I spent crying until the midwife turned up, never been so pleased to see someone in my life!

I hope this thread doesn't turn nasty though.

Phantomteadrinker Sat 12-Jul-14 07:59:37

Yabu. Couldn't wait to get home with both of mine and my dh and family were amazing - place was spotless. Those first few days were lovely both times, like being in a little bubble- I was lucky that I never got the baby blues. Everyone is different so best not to terrify new mums unnecessarily.

popperdoodles Sat 12-Jul-14 08:00:03

well no not everyone has a near miss in the car and breaks an expensive car seat but equally the first few days with a new baby at home are not always the idyllic scene you might have hoped for. the post birth high has subsided, tiredness is building, hormones all over the place, family dynamic different etc.
so yanbu to warn new parents it isn't all a fairytale but to say it will be horrendous is certainly not the case for all.

Mine also was nothing like you describe. With any of my four dc all bar one we were home 6 hours later.

ForTheBants Sat 12-Jul-14 08:02:29

My first day home bore no resemblance, so I can't empathise.

I have nothing but fond memories.

I certainly had other days where I was demented, sleep deprived, insecure etc, but the first day home was just exciting and happy.

aquashiv Sat 12-Jul-14 08:02:43

I find it irritating to be told you have twins it must be a nightmare. It isn't.

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