To consider not allowing dd to attend her leaving party?

(31 Posts)
goats Fri 11-Jul-14 20:22:08

Unless her behaviour improves over the weekend?

She is being what can only described as a brat. I am a single Mum so she doesn't always get what she wants and is told no often. She is usually good but recently she is gaining attitude, she is 11 with mild sen.

Yesterday she asked for something and I said no. She had had stuff at the weekend and I had just paid for a trip. Her reply was "you might as well give it me or I will just act up, say I want I want and pull a sad face so people feel bad for me " shock

Before that happened she had mentioned the school disco. She has not been to last couple as sometimes finds it a bit much so has said for last week she doesn't want to go. When she has gone she has always too money for treats on sale.

fifteen minutes before disco tonight she piped up " I'd like to go to the disco but you never give me money for sweets if I go and everyone else will so I may as well not bother" she always get money.

The leaving party will involve me paying £8 on bus then waiting for three hours in a small town for her and I just don't feel like it when she's being horrid sad

Sorry, confused. Is the leaving party separate to the disco?

Is she at the disco just now?

goats Fri 11-Jul-14 20:33:13

sorry posted when cross.

Disco is tonight.

Leavers party in Tuesday.

MrsWinnibago Fri 11-Jul-14 20:34:25

I think you're overreacting. It sounds like you're struggling for cash and looking for a reason not to send her.

Sorry to be blunt. Is there some way you could borrow some or something?

goats Fri 11-Jul-14 20:37:35

No I HAVE the money for her leaving party its the attitude I don't like. I do work but on a low income, she does get stuff I only mentioned income to say she doesn't get EVERYTHING she asks for.

piratecat Fri 11-Jul-14 20:40:05

it would be no to the disco, then party for sure. party more important as it's leavers.

SiennaBlake Fri 11-Jul-14 20:40:17

She only gets one leavers party. I wouldn't use that for punishments.

Thenapoleonofcrime Fri 11-Jul-14 20:42:47

She's just flexing her new found independence at the top of the school- soon she will be at the bottom of the new one and probably less cocky!

I don't think anything you describe is so terrible she should be prevented from going to the leaver's party. I can see it's a pain for you but I think it's worth it for that, and she will remember if you don't let her go. Could someone else take her and you collect?

MrsWinnibago Fri 11-Jul-14 20:50:54

They're all a bit rude at this age OP. Save the big punishments for the big naughties. She's just been a bit cheeky.

drudgetrudy Fri 11-Jul-14 20:52:46

Draconian punishments at memorable times ten to build resentment rather than teach better behaviour.
I wouldn't stop her from going to the leaver's party-choose something smaller immediately after she has been rude to you.
I would try to talk to her more openly about the demands for things eg "I want you to have a good time but can't afford xx this week".
I would also take her more seriously than she intends eg" Ok if you don't think its worth it don't go".

Berryglitter Fri 11-Jul-14 21:00:06

Can't see a major reason why she can't go to it. She's being 11, testing the boundaries.

goats Fri 11-Jul-14 21:01:07

I know your right, think what surprised me more is as part of her sen she often spins, talks in a baby voice etc when she is anxious or in a new situation. When she said she would act up if I said no and I said no still she immediately started to spin as fast as she could (despite knowing we were somewhere busy and she would bump into people and talk in the baby voice.

it surprised me a bit how conscious it was and made me wonder how much of the spinning before had been to make a fuss.

MrsWinnibago Fri 11-Jul-14 21:03:16

Is she quite bright? My 9 year old DD is a bit spectrumy...I don't want that to sound rude but she me. She "passes" for NT and so do I but only by the skin of our teeth and I know my DD is so bright she can certainly play on her quirkiness to get what she wants.

I do too sometimes blush

Thenapoleonofcrime Fri 11-Jul-14 21:05:35

It may be when she gets a bit hyper/adrenaline starts kicking in (rebelling against mum), that's her default behaviour. One of mine uses a baby voice and gets like a bouncy puppy and it can be quite embarrassing when we are out (she's no sen). I wouldn't say she can completely control it in that I'm sure if I got very cross or removed her, she would stop, but her eyes do shine and she gets a bit out of control quite easily- does that make sense?

goats Fri 11-Jul-14 21:06:17

oh yes, academically she struggles to get things from her head on to paper but verbally and mentally very bright and does use her quirkiness...

goats Fri 11-Jul-14 21:08:35

sorry xpost that makes a lot of sense actually then

gordyslovesheep Fri 11-Jul-14 21:11:16

she's probably acting up because it's bloody hard leaving school, leaving mates, change etc

My SEN DD1 is 11 and it really struggling with these last weeks - lots of moody behaviour and verbal insults - she's scared, worried and not wanting it to end - denying her the last party with all her classmates would be mean sad

I remember a great saying 'your children need your love when they deserve it the least' cuddle her and let her go

DoJo Fri 11-Jul-14 21:11:56

Could you maybe use the promise of the party as a carrot rather than a stick? So tell her that you want her to do x and y between now and then to earn the chance to go to the party. If you think she can control her behaviour more than she's been letting on, it will be a good way of working that out as well as you'll be able to see if she stops when reminded that you expect her to behave well if she wants to go to the party.

Thenapoleonofcrime Fri 11-Jul-14 21:15:15

I just think the end of term at the end of your final year at primary isn't the time to start laying down the law about behaviour. Lots of the children are tired and behaving badly, not just the Yr6's, all the parents are saying the same. I would take her to the party pretty much whatever happens, then perhaps have a chat with her and set out how its going to be for the summer holidays/what you expect.

Adikia Fri 11-Jul-14 21:25:31

my brother missed his leaving party because he had a row with Dad, 25 years on it is still a sore point between them, honestly its not a punishment I'd use.

goats Fri 11-Jul-14 21:27:24

I know Gordy.
She cannot wait to leave though, she doesn't have any friends, she isn't moving up with them by her choice, she doesn't want to be there, she asked secondary head could she go early, she only wants to go to the party because its her favourite food place grin

I've no doubt she's nervous about secondary and she will miss teacher but she can't wait to leave.

I think many, many people involved with yr6's at the moment would say that they are being a bit strange right now. My yr 6's got their SATs results yesterday and their reports, next week they go to secondary school for a few days. Most of them thought that they could come to primary school first and we'd take them over- it came as a real shock when they found out we won't be there at all.
This afternoon they were exhausted- it poured down so we cancelled PE and chilled out with a cartoon DVD. I expected complaints, but they just flopped.
I really feel for them, but at times this week I have wanted to yell at them for doing stupid things.

MrsWinnibago Fri 11-Jul-14 21:51:48

Goats I hope she has a good eat! grin my DD also adores food....agree that it's the upheaval. Secondary is often the making of these quirky kids....not always but often. They meet other kids like them...and there are more specific groups after school etc.

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 11-Jul-14 21:54:36

Can you give her the money, but she has to earn it first? It will show her that it doesn't grow on trees and has to be earned. Make her do some chores, so wash up etc.

goats Fri 11-Jul-14 21:57:20

I keep telling her that , she is joining a ten form entry school (eek) there are bound to be more people like her.

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