...to not know what to do? :(

(44 Posts)
ScouseBird8364 Fri 11-Jul-14 19:44:27

Very long story short, both myself and my hubby had to come out of work in 2012, due to his Stroke and me to look after him and boys.

Anyway, I couldn't stand not working, as I'd never claimed a benefit (apart from the usual child ones) in my life, I'm 31 now. I decided to start an Open Uni degree and therefore my plan is to get back to work, hopefully with a better career / better salary. I was only ever Admin, whereas my hub was Operations management within the Utilities industry so was a pretty decent earner.

fast forward, few weeks back I find out I'm pregnant, completely unplanned and still shocked.

Anyhow, I'm in a pickle, because I really don't know what to do sad I don't want to have to abort, as my last 2 pregnancies ended in Miscarriage sad and I always wanted to grow with 3 children.

But...I feel as though people are going to just judge me as being just totally irresponsible, like when I go for the booking in appointment, I'm scared of what midwife will say, or think sad

My plan is to still return to work, in a new career (the OU degree is a 6-year one, part time) and I'm not particularly worried about my studies.

Anybody else fell pregnant when not working, or similar situation? What should I do? sad

Will I regret it for the rest of my life if I decide to abort? Even the thought of this gets me upset sad

noblegiraffe Fri 11-Jul-14 19:47:01

Why on earth would you even think about aborting when you want another child? You can still study with three children and continue with your current plans can't you? You're only 31.

littledrummergirl Fri 11-Jul-14 19:47:52

Dont worry about what judgypants think, consider whats right for you and your family. That is what is important.

ScouseBird8364 Fri 11-Jul-14 19:58:53

Well, that's the thing, I always wanted a 3rd, but then decided to protect against pregnancy (it failed) but I just think because we're not in the ideal situation right now for a baby, what will people say? sad

Iflyaway Fri 11-Jul-14 20:02:08

Are you living your life according to what people will say?

Of course not!

Norfolknway Fri 11-Jul-14 20:02:31

Have the baby! Bloody hell!

Who's gives a shiny shite what anyone else thinks !

In 5 years it'll all be a totally different story.

Do what makes you and your family happy.

Congrats by the way x

shitatusernames Fri 11-Jul-14 20:07:13

I fell pregnant by accident with dd2, was a huge shock as I was on the pill, fast forward 9 months and I'm sitting on the sofa with her, I was unsure in the beginning about what to do as I'd just got a job too, you want the baby? Then it really is a no brainer, so glad I never made that decision as I couldn't imagine life without her now xx

shitatusernames Fri 11-Jul-14 20:07:43

Sorry, typing one handed.

hamptoncourt Fri 11-Jul-14 20:08:02

what will people say?
Is this something you worry about normally OP?
It seems unusual in someone your age and with all the other responsibilities you have - 2 DC and unwell husband.
I seriously wouldn't give a damn what people said.

Many congratulations and I hope all goes well.

Tangerinefairy Fri 11-Jul-14 20:10:51

Anyone who judges you is a total git! Take no notice. People get pregnant all the time. When my mum went to register my birth (I was her 3rd baby in 3 years) the registrar said to her "don't you think you ought to have waited until your husband was no longer a student to have another baby?"! My mum ignored him. My dad graduated the following year, got a fantastic job and was earning alot of money within a few years.

Do what is right for your family, many congratulations to you xx

FidelineAndBombazine Fri 11-Jul-14 20:11:54

Congratulations flowers

randomAXEofkindness Fri 11-Jul-14 20:18:58

"Who's gives a shiny shite what anyone else thinks !"

This ^.

I watched a documentary about open adoption recently. There was one particular woman who had chosen to give up her newborn because she didn't feel like she was "in the right place" to have a baby (young, studying, no money, temporary accommodation). When her friend (also a young mum) was asked for an opinion, she said that she thought her friend was making a mistake; that the adoption was "a permanent solution to a temporary problem". That made a lot of sense, and I think it applies to you.

And since you asked, yes, I had 2 of my children while dh was out of work and we were on benefits. Now I have 3 beautiful children and dh earns a very good living. Could anyone argue that two of my children shouldn't ever have been born "because their parents were on benefits once"?

ScouseBird8364 Fri 11-Jul-14 20:19:44

You have all made me cry, in a good way! Thank you smile

I do worry a lot what others think, my parents will literally never speak to me again, as in their words 'children ruin your life', charming huh?! I mean, they've always been shit parents / grandparents envy

randomAXEofkindness Fri 11-Jul-14 20:19:49

Yes, sorry, congratulations! grin

shitatusernames Fri 11-Jul-14 20:32:02

I don't think there is ever a right time to have a baby, if we waited for the right moment many of us would never have them, my life is bloody hectic now and she's only 9 days old, and baby number 4, but I wouldn't change it for the world, congrats thanks

MrsWinnibago Fri 11-Jul-14 20:48:44

Oh Lordy Lou you're a whippersnapper! Congratulations! You can have the baby and not be seen as ANYTHING negative!

I'm 40 blinking 1 and have a bit of a disorganised career....if I fell pregnant now at MY age I'd stick two fingers up to anyone else's opinions.

If you want a baby you have one. You've ages to sort careers and degrees.xxxx

MrsWinnibago Fri 11-Jul-14 20:49:28

No no no....parents...they've done their family. It's your turn! I had my first at 31. I've still sort of sorted my career. You'll be grand.x

Mrsgrumble Fri 11-Jul-14 20:51:36

I'd have the baby as you always wanted three. Don't even think about other people judging you!

arethereanyleftatall Fri 11-Jul-14 20:53:17

Please don't abort. It sounds as though you really want this baby. And that's all that matters.
Fuck what other people think, who gives a shit what someone you don't care about thinks?

Fairylea Fri 11-Jul-14 20:54:53

Don't live your life for other people.

You're studying and working towards a better future. A baby is just the icing on the cake smile in years to come you'll wonder what on earth you were worried about !

Congratulations smile

PurplePidjin Fri 11-Jul-14 21:08:30

DP also had a stroke in 2012. DS was 5 weeks old wine

How is your dh's recovery, is he able to be back at work yet? Or able to take on more of the childcare? Mine luckily is, although I went through months of guilt over whether I should find a job and let him be main carer for our tiny baby or whether him being the main earner was less stressful for him, and we'll be thinking about trying for dc2 after Christmas.

If you want 3 kids, have 3 kids. Your relationship is clearly strong enough to survive all kinds of shit, and just because things are dodgy now don't mean they always will be smile

missymayhemsmum Fri 11-Jul-14 21:13:22

If you abort you will probably always regret it. If you can have baby no 3 and you and your DH can cope with and care for all 3 then surely that's what you should do, and try to fit degree and job in around everything else when you can.
And anyone who says anything else than 'congratulations' (unless it's an offer of help and babyclothes) when you announce your pregnancy can go hang.
Sounds like your family deserves some good news!

Ah OP, just think of this baby as a beautiful gift from above. I have 2 DD, always thought I'd have a 3rd DC. Never happened, but would have been so welcome.
Don't worry about what anybody else might think.
And congratulations!!

Oh and you are very young yet. I was 36 when I had Dd1.

deakymom Fri 11-Jul-14 22:20:27

please dont worry what people think i know people can be harsh but children are a gift accept it you will manage fine x

Loletta Fri 11-Jul-14 22:55:54

Please don't have an abortion because people read the Daily Mail sad
I can't believe people have been so brainwashed against the we large state that someone would consider abortion

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