to think that, in dating relationship terms...

(80 Posts)
fishdishwish Fri 11-Jul-14 08:38:31

...when faced with a 20 stone bloke in his late 30s who still lives with his parents and has never really had a proper relationships, most women would run for the hills, or at least politely decline?

This is the situation I find myself in, unfortunately...

Fatteningviolet Fri 11-Jul-14 08:43:53

Actually it's only the last of these that would be the deal breaker for me

20 stone meh, I'm no Twiggy

late 30s....bring it on!

still lives with his parents, not ideal, but getting more and more common

but, as I say, no real relationship at that age...combined with still living with parents...it's a decline for me.

HTH smile

MerdeAlor Fri 11-Jul-14 08:43:54

If you're not attracted to me or have an emotional connection to him, don't date him. It's simple really.
Why post here about it?

fishdishwish Fri 11-Jul-14 08:51:23

Merde, I'm the bloke, BTW...!!!

nilbyname Fri 11-Jul-14 08:52:38

What you going to do about it then fish?

fishdishwish Fri 11-Jul-14 08:57:42

Erm, try losing weight at least (for health reasons, as much as anything).

Can't really do much about the lack of relationship experience, I guess.

MerdeAlor Fri 11-Jul-14 09:00:35

Ah soz, I should have RTFT more closely.

KikitheKitKat Fri 11-Jul-14 09:03:24

I know a couple of other guys like you. Maybe you could start a new website for inexperienced daters or something? I do wish you well. There seem to be so many utter shits out there who are snapped up by woman after woman, but other guys like you often rejected for the reasons you have cited not given a chance. Good luck.

fishdishwish Fri 11-Jul-14 09:04:02

No worries smile

Fatteningviolet Fri 11-Jul-14 09:08:53

Gosh sorry, yes your last line pretty clearly indicated that you were the guy and I completely missed that!

No you're right that you can't do much about the past unfortunately, but in fact it just goes to show what a ridiculous jumper to conclusions I am, because you are in fact showing a h very healthy self awareness...translate that into self belief and there's no reason why you shouldn't be a catch (that's not a proposition btw, I am happily married grin. )

I think Kiki has a great idea there re the website, in fact I wouldn't be remotely surprised if there isn't one already!

nilbyname Fri 11-Jul-14 09:11:04

Getting fit is such a good idea.

Why do you live with your parents? Can that be changed?

Good luck to you!

avoiretre Fri 11-Jul-14 09:11:12

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

avoiretre Fri 11-Jul-14 09:13:07

Ah, OP is the man. Same points apply.

Fatteningviolet Fri 11-Jul-14 09:16:55

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

avoiretre Fri 11-Jul-14 09:21:03

Oh no, Fatty can't cope with others' views. grin It's maybe a bit biased wink

Allice Fri 11-Jul-14 09:21:56

Charming avoitetre

OP, most woman are looking for a nice kind gentle man, you don't need to go in to massive detail about your situation on the first date, it really doesn't matter that much.

avoiretre Fri 11-Jul-14 09:25:27

He wants honest views, not a load of polite lies platitudes.
Would you want to be under 20 stone Allice?

Namechangearoonie123 Fri 11-Jul-14 09:26:17

None of those things would bother me unless the reason you'd never had a proper relationship was:

You spent your entire time jerking off to porn
You had no hobbies or interests
You didn't have a job and some social skills

Being overweight and living with your parents isn't a problem.

Maybe younger women would have a problem with it, I'm
40s so much more adult/much less fussed about 'looks'

Fatteningviolet Fri 11-Jul-14 09:29:24

I can cope with others' views just great avoir, it's plain nastiness that I find more difficult and ridiculous generalisations cause me a bit of grief too. Do you REALLY mean that you would have no interest in a man of 20stone 'regardless' of say, great intelligence, wit, philanthropy, generosity etc etc absolutely none of which is mutually exclusive with being 20 stone or more.

Oh well, your loss.

And yes I could stand to lose a pound or several dozen, what's your point. If I do I will be healthier (probably) but I can't see that that I will be any more or less worthwhile as a person.

Allice you are nice (feels a burst of matchmaking coming on!!)

Glastokitty Fri 11-Jul-14 09:29:42

Fat people can lose weight, but you can't do anything about your personality avoirtre.

I'm always puzzled by the assertion that someone who has never been in a serious relationship should be avoided at all costs. I'm 36, have had very few of what I would count as actual relationships (two really, one for 3 months when I was 16 and another for about 10 weeks in my first year at uni). I can't say I'm that bothered by this personally, I don't feel the need to have someone around constantly and am perfectly happy pottering along by myself.

I had a few sort of dates a couple of years ago with someone who would text, email and Facebook me daily, which I didn't actually like much because it seems an excessive amount of contact from someone I had been to the cinema with and met for coffee a couple of times. Which isn't to say I would be averse to a relationship if the right person came along, although it would take an adjustment.

There have been a few people over the years I've slept with on a semi-regular basis, but I wouldn't count those as relationships since we didn't spend time together other than that. We didn't go out on dates or even hang out generally, but might just meet up occasionally.

But because I've not met someone I've felt a serious connection with, if the right person does come along they should run a mile from me? On what basis? Because I don't feel the need to be coupled up? I've seen the results of that of sort of need on several occasions (people staying in really unpleasant and in some cases downright dangerous relationships because they can't bear the idea of being by themselves even for a short while) and I can't see why that would be considered preferable in forming a relationship with someone.

Preciousbane Fri 11-Jul-14 09:33:32

I will be honest and admit 20 stone is not ideal for me.

Living with parents depends, if its because you are shit with money then forget it but if you have used that time to save sensibly for your future home fine. I need to add I saved like mad when I was young and bought more money to the relationship than my DH than he did just in case people read that as gold digger territory.

Also do you have a life away from your parents? If you still holidayed with them and would want me to have Sunday lunch every week with them then that is a flat out no.

Neve had a proper relationship would not especially mean a no go area. Plenty of men will have had various proper relationships, maybe lived with women but they didn't work out. I suppose if people have had a serious relationship it means people feel they have had some sort of trial run and hopefully learnt by their mistakes. Some do and some don't.

Sunflower6 Fri 11-Jul-14 09:34:20

I also I'm my early forties, what I would look for in a man is someone who is nice, kind and gentle.

Seriouslyffs Fri 11-Jul-14 09:36:26

fishdish- talk to us? What do you like doing?

Fatteningviolet Fri 11-Jul-14 09:37:04

ChillieJeanie you speak a lot of sense: you have educated me! Thanks flowers

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