To get really annoyed at people that always have to dominate conversations?

(123 Posts)
BrazilNil Thu 10-Jul-14 21:27:51

I went to lunch today with a group of 3 other friends.

One of the friends, I'll call her Lucy, is generally a nice person, but loves the sound of her own voice and whenever she is there she totally dominates the conversation.

As soon as we'd arrived at the restaurant today Lucy started talking about herself and about some (fairly normal, mundane) things that she's done lately. She has a loud voice and just talked over anyone else that tried to talk.

If at any point any of us started to talk about anything, Lucy jumped in quickly and turned the conversation back round to being about her, comparing anything else that was said to something that she had done or had happened to her.

I was talking about a family member of mine that is very unwell and Lucy interrupted and started talking about the fact that her daughter was off school for two days last week with an ear infection. Everything has to come back to being about her. Another friend mentioned a holiday that she has just booked, and within a few minutes the conversation was back on to Lucy and about holidays she has been on in the past.

I know in theory we should all just keep talking, but in practise with someone like Lucy it's difficult as her voice is very loud and she is very dominant. She just seems to expect to be listened to. I find her very frustrating.

AIBU?

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Thu 10-Jul-14 21:45:14

Yanbu

I knew a Lucy. They are a total pain. Yours sounds particularly tricky what with her being so loud. You can't recall just talk over her as you would all just end up screaming at each other.

Maybe before you all meet next time you all plan to pick up of everyone's conversation except Lucy

You - I've just bought a new ......
Lucy - oh I've just bought a new house it's got 5 ex suites blah blah
Friend A - ooh tell me more about the dress.

- and continue till she gets the message.

jimijack Thu 10-Jul-14 21:49:15

I hate this.
I end up silent, not talking at all & leaving as soon as I can.

Totally feel your frustration.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Thu 10-Jul-14 21:51:37

How about trying 'WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONE MINUTE!!'
grin

Laquitar Thu 10-Jul-14 21:52:41

Yes, exactly what #when# said.

I know a Lucy too and what annoys me is not Lucy but the others. They turn and look and her and actively listen when she interacts.
I think that if nobody looks at her and everybody keeps eye contact with the other person who was speaking then she will have to shut up.

I feel your pain.

Laquitar Thu 10-Jul-14 21:54:22

Oh dear. Interupts not interacts.

ouryve Thu 10-Jul-14 21:58:25

YANBU.

I was married to the male equivalent. When it got to the end, I simply refused to engage because he would talk over me, anyhow.

In company, he'd be spilling tall tales of his past life. And conquests hmm

DoYouThinkSheSawUs Thu 10-Jul-14 22:08:45

Yanbu. But worse is I think I do this - I'm a bit awkward socially and get nervous - then when I think of something g to say I HAVE to say it....

runningonwillpower Thu 10-Jul-14 22:18:05

You are not being unreasonable. The Lucy's of the world are exhausting.

But think of it like this. Why is Lucy like that? Was she denied attention as a child? Is she insecure and is over-compensating? Or is she just ego-centric.

At best, Lucy is a bore. At worst, she has a problem.

ThirdPoliceman Thu 10-Jul-14 22:18:52

My NDN is exactly like your Lucy, OP. I have mentioned previously on here that her idea of a conversation is my idea of a monologue.
Once during a rare occasion when I was speaking she picked up the phone and called her daughter, completely ignoring me. Caah.

okilydokily Thu 10-Jul-14 22:26:52

doyouthink My mum does this, and I'm pretty sure I'm startingto do it too, although hopefully not to the extent of "Lucy". I tend to do it when I'm feeling nervous or inadequate in some way, or just to fill a potentially awkward silence. I can hear myself doing it, and I hate it. I bet "Lucy" has no clue she's behaving any differently to anyone else. But she would probably go mad if someone brought it up - judging by how my mum would react. She'd take it very badly!

okilydokily Thu 10-Jul-14 22:27:45

doyouthink My mum does this, and I'm pretty sure I'm startingto do it too, although hopefully not to the extent of "Lucy". I tend to do it when I'm feeling nervous or inadequate in some way, or just to fill a potentially awkward silence. I can hear myself doing it, and I hate it. I bet "Lucy" has no clue she's behaving any differently to anyone else. But she would probably go mad if someone brought it up - judging by how my mum would react. She'd take it very badly!

okilydokily Thu 10-Jul-14 22:28:36

Ugh sorry, stupid phone. YANBU.

BrazilNil Thu 10-Jul-14 22:32:10

To be honest I think that Lucy probably does it because she's very confident and she thinks that everyone else is genuinely interested in her and that her life is far more important than anyone else's.

ThirdPoliceman, that is so incredibly rude of your neighbour! Lucy will sometimes stand and fiddle with her phone if I speak to her (we see each other at school collection fairly often), or will suddenly decide that she has to speak to someone else as soon as she's said her piece. No doubt so that she can go and say her piece to them, and then to someone else, and someone else after that...

Silverdaisy Thu 10-Jul-14 22:35:46

Unfortunately people like that will dominate all conversations. The person i know who is like this, was infact indulged as a child. So it cannot always be explained as lacking attention. They seem to be blissfully unaware that that they are sucking the energy out of a conversation - "emotional vampire" is the phrase that springs to mind.

MrsWinnibago Thu 10-Jul-14 22:39:56

It's very sad really. People like this weren't taught properly. As a young teen I remember being told about give and take in conversation. It's part of good manners and it's a shame when adults carry on blithely ranting about themselves. I would tell her. Quietly and in private.

MabelBee Thu 10-Jul-14 22:44:15

My Lucy is actually called Lucy!

MabelBee Thu 10-Jul-14 22:44:28

My Lucy is actually called Lucy!

DoYouThinkSheSawUs I'm the same.

and like others on this thread do people probably view it as over confidence. In my (and probably yours) case it isn't that its about being anxious about social situations and being 'jumpy' about social cues. If anything its a lack of confidence in having something to say that you can't 'back up'.

I struggle to join in a conversation 'normally' so if I do it tends to be with oh 'I did' 'I knew' 'I saw' as i desperately try and find an 'in' to the conversation.

TalisaMaegyr Thu 10-Jul-14 22:52:16

I also know one of these. She's even the authority on children - and she doesn't have any. She's a colleague, and a friend - and I won't lie to you, she drives me absolutely fucking mad, to the point where I'm re-evaluating the friendship. I would love to start a thread but I'm worried that she would read and know it was her.

BrazilNil Thu 10-Jul-14 22:54:54

Feel free to have a moan about her on this thread if you want to, Talisa. She sounds very annoying

FruitL00ps Thu 10-Jul-14 22:57:57

I know someone like this, and if think you can generally tell if it's an anxious thing, or if they're just self absorbed. I think I do it to some extent as an anxious thing, but it's more bad timing of when I speak and tend to talk at the same time as someone else.

My "Lucy" just seems to be self absorbed. She is a teacher and continuously talks about the children in her class, their parents etc. Of course it's great to talk to each other about work, but it's literally non stop, mundane stories about people/children we don't know!

TalisaMaegyr Thu 10-Jul-14 23:00:07

Fucking hell Brazil.... I'd be here all night.

She does have lovely qualities, but this 'Lucy' thing overwhelms everything else. In my head, I call her Elevenerife - you know, if you've been to Tenerife, she's been to Elevenerife. She knows a few vaguely famous people, and namedrops constantly. She tells me every. single. thing. she does throughout the day - toilet visits, what she's reading in a magazine, every text that she gets... The biggest thing though, is that she's a liar. And for some reason, I'm completely unable to pull her on it. I don't want to hurt her feelings, you see. But it's exhausting sad

Oooh, thanks Brazil. That's better grin

DoYouThinkSheSawUs Thu 10-Jul-14 23:09:28

westmorlandsausage - yes, the same smile

mrsjavierbardem Thu 10-Jul-14 23:12:30

I am one of these silly rude cows, I don't mean to do it, I AM a third child of 4, I had to fight tooth and nail for attention.

Can I apologise now for us rude beatches, we are just insecure, that is no excuse, it's just an observation. We can't tell each other to shut up in our culture, unfortunately, but I wish we could.

I am still learning to shut up.

I am sorry and I will try harder

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