to be v angry with husband....

(85 Posts)
Lenochka12 Wed 09-Jul-14 22:57:21

So to make a long story short, my 7 yo dd had a small accident at a party when someone hurt her eye with a nerf gun bullet and after we got worried it might have affected her vision and asked her if anything's blurry, she has been saying (when asked) that she can't see well from that one eye. My dh took her to see an ophthalmologist twice (!) with the second one actually dilating her pupils and both said there was no sign of damage and she could read the chart fine but if it still wasn't better to bring her back....my dh tends to overreact with things like that and I find it really annoying because I don't think there is anything wrong with her eye ( and I'm the mother!) anyway, this evening, while reading her a book she mentioned that daddy made her make a pinky promise about smth saying that she's not allowed to tell anyone about it, inc me!!!! I started asking her more questions about it and all she could say was that it had something to do with her eye and that if she told me Id be cross and then she got upset as she realised I was getting cross anyway... I'm so furious at my dh for teaching her to have secrets from me! I also heard her tell him later when she got into her bed that mummy is sad because she told me there was a secret between them and still he hasn't said a word to me...am I the only one who feels totally betrayed in such situation and let down by him? Is it just my PMS? Help please. This is my first post btw so hope it's ok.

AnyFucker Wed 09-Jul-14 22:59:08

Is it just my PMS ?

what ?

MintyChops Wed 09-Jul-14 22:59:52

I'd tear him a new one but I'm in a very bad mood tonight so not very helpful....

AnyFucker Wed 09-Jul-14 23:00:40

what is the "secret" btw ?

Would you consider speaking to your DH about it?
Just a suggestion...

this doesn't sit right. what secret?

oops, x post

anniepanniepears Wed 09-Jul-14 23:02:12

just bloody ask him what he's playing at
totally out if order he is

MrsWinnibago Wed 09-Jul-14 23:02:33

Well did you ask your husband what this "secret" was? I'd be VERY angry.

TerribleMother Wed 09-Jul-14 23:02:38

This isn't right. No it's not your pms. What is the secret?

SaucyJack Wed 09-Jul-14 23:02:52

YANBU. Purely because the thought of a grown man making "pinky promises" makes me want to barf.

Smartiepants79 Wed 09-Jul-14 23:03:10

Well it sounds like rather odd behaviour.
And no, he shouldn't be encouraging her to keep secrets from you.
I'd be cross
Two ophthalmologist visits for a child who isn't actually saying anything is wrong seems rather an overreaction.

AskBasil Wed 09-Jul-14 23:03:16

No YANBU.

I would be feeling very worried about WTF he's keeping from you, are you sure he's even taken her to see an ophthalmologist?

He's shown you that he's irresponsible, untrustworthy and manipulative.

That's a perfectly adequate reason to be more than angry with him.

Sandthorn Wed 09-Jul-14 23:03:21

Errr, yep... I don't think your daughter is the one you need to talk to. And what does "and I'm the mother!" mean?

phantomnamechanger Wed 09-Jul-14 23:03:26

I agree that children should not be told to keep secrets from people

Talk to your DH

ShatnersBassoon Wed 09-Jul-14 23:06:31

Ask him. He'll be able to answer your questions better than anyone else.

PiperRose Wed 09-Jul-14 23:07:20

I would just point out to your DH that teaching her that it's ok to keep secrets is entirely inappropriate.

What would he do if (god-forbid) the nasty man that touched her told her to keep it a secret? It's ok because daddy says.

BuzzardBird Wed 09-Jul-14 23:07:45

You need to speak to your dd, with Dh present, about secrets. Surprises are fine when it comes to birthdays etc, but never secrets.
What is a smth? Is it 'something'?

Lenochka12 Wed 09-Jul-14 23:08:08

No idea what the secret is but I think it might be that he's taking her to see another doctor again! And he knows I'd be telling him he's overreacting so doesn't want me to know! With 'I'm the mother' I meant that if I thought that something was wrong I'd be worried too but I think she's fine.

Lenochka12 Wed 09-Jul-14 23:09:45

Yes agree I need to talk to him but was just asking whether the strong feelings I have were unreasonable...

ThePinkOcelot Wed 09-Jul-14 23:11:32

Maybe its that he got the wrong eye checked out?!

AnyFucker Wed 09-Jul-14 23:11:33

No, they not unreasonable and put out of your head any ideas that you are hormonal for having them or some other such shit (who told you that, btw ?)

Your feelings are your feelings, no need for validation.

How did your DD end up seeing 2 ophthalmologists?? Via A+E? Or optician?
Superficial scratches to the cornea are common and can be uncomfortable, but not usually anything much to worry about.

Galvanized Wed 09-Jul-14 23:12:27

Doesn't he know that is what child abusers say, "it's our secret, don't tell mum she'll be angry"? You have every right to be angry with him. Very bad idea to teach your daughter to keep things from you, in any context.

Galvanized Wed 09-Jul-14 23:13:44

Show him this thread.

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