To think this was rude

(25 Posts)
Loletta Wed 09-Jul-14 22:11:06

My cousin, aged 18, and her boyfriend (same age) booked a holiday in London paid for by their parents. They live abroad. They got scammed. Lost £700 to a fake website advertising apartments that do not exist.
Her mum, my aunt, phoned me in despair as they only realised it was a scam two days before departure. I said I would talk to a friend of mine who lives in London to see if they could stay at hers.
My friend said it was fine but she couldn't have them on the first night so I suggested that they could stay at mine for one night. I live 40 minutes from London by train and they were arriving at an airport which is closer to my home than it is to London.
I was actually looking forward to seeing my cousin and meeting her boyfriend.
My cousin's response to my invitation was no thanks because my boyfriend doesn't want to meet members of my family yet shock
I feel quite hurt by this and found them quite rude.

RobinHumphries Wed 09-Jul-14 22:15:41

Very rude. I'm afraid I'd throw all my toys out of the pram and say that they aren't welcome at my friends either if they have that attitude.

bughunt Wed 09-Jul-14 22:16:40

Yanbu. I hope you are withdrawing the offer of the friends flat too as obviously they are able to sort out their own accommodation when they want to.

Pangaea Wed 09-Jul-14 22:17:13

I think it is weird under the circumstance, but I can also understand the 'meeting family members' implications in a new relationship. If it is something big to you, it can be too soon.

Introducing my boyfriend to my parents (many moons ago) was always a very big deal to me.

At worst, just put it down to him being a bit weird. Not rude.

LemonBreeland Wed 09-Jul-14 22:19:04

Very rude and ungrateful. I would tell your friend thry no longer need ger place.

IkeaFurnitureAssemblyChampions Wed 09-Jul-14 22:20:48

"Yet". So at what date would he deem it appropriate to meet you?

I would say that you're sorry, you don't feel comfortable having him meet your friends yet. He is right, it's too early and it's all too much too soon for you ;)

Shockingly rude.

RobinHumphries Wed 09-Jul-14 22:22:03

I think it's very different meeting someone's parents as opposed to meeting a cousin. I assume he's met your aunt?

Loletta Wed 09-Jul-14 22:23:34

I can't withdraw the offer of my friend's flat without having a major fallout with my aunt and I don't want that because I care deeply about her.
I'm trying to put my cousin's behaviour down to immaturity but still think how bloody rude

bughunt Wed 09-Jul-14 22:26:43

I think you should be there at the friends flat then, to see what he's like hand over the keys.

Wear a disguise of course.

He's an 18 year old lad whose finding it all a bit embarrassing.

It's their first proper adult relationship, these things have to be gotten used to.

My DD's BF is 22, they are having their first baby, it's took months for him to relax around us, he isn't used to "doing" family.

You need to let them find their feet, they aren't all going to behave like full adults. The've still got a lot if growing up to do.

LegoCaltrops Wed 09-Jul-14 22:28:45

The phrase "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" springs to mind! Cheeky sod, that is incredibly rude. And I would probably mention it to the aunt. They are obviously not that stuck for accommodation if the boyfriend feels he is reasonable to behave like this.

Just to add if they both still live at home the weekend has been planned as one long shag fest, of course he's struggling.

Optimist1 Wed 09-Jul-14 22:30:07

You'd think they'd want to meet the person who's managed to get them out of a very unfortunate situation, wouldn't you?

Bifauxnen Wed 09-Jul-14 22:31:10

Yep, rude. What are they planning to do on the first night as your friend can't have them? I'd be grateful for the offer, even more so if I'd never met you before.

Loletta Wed 09-Jul-14 22:34:08

She also wanted to check with my Friend that they could sleep in the same room at hers before accepting her offer. I said there's no fucking way you're phoning my friend and asking her that question as a condition to accepting the invitation. Of course she would let them!

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Wed 09-Jul-14 22:34:13

birds you made the boyfriend sound really sweet - then ruined it with "shagfest" grin

I think he is rude and ungrateful. Your friend is a complete angel to let them stay.

I would be tempted to tell the aunt "I'll probably meet him anyway as I'm seeing my friend that week"

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Wed 09-Jul-14 22:36:32

She wanted you to check they can sleep in the same room hmm

Rude rude rude. Are they aware this is actually a massive favour your friend is doing for them?

mrsmalcolmreynolds Wed 09-Jul-14 22:42:32

They both sound rather immature and self-absorbed. Was it the cousin who arranged the booking etc and got scammed, or your aunt/other parents?

Either way, it is extremely rude to refuse to visit someone who has saved your holiday and IMO neither age nor nervousness about meeting family excuses that.

Bifauxnen Wed 09-Jul-14 22:43:02

shock tell them to book a hotel! If they want a shagpad they can pay for it, cheeky buggers.
scrolls through mental list of soft relatives that might provide a cheap shagpad away from home in the near future

phantomnamechanger Wed 09-Jul-14 22:49:13

so they will happily accept a favour from a total stranger, use their house for a holiday, but wont visit family - when they are over from abroad and this family member is doing them a massive favour too?

so rude

Pangaea Wed 09-Jul-14 22:50:50

They both sound rather immature and self-absorbed.

Yep, sound like teenagers to me. Looks like they were looking for their shagathon if they were checking if they can share a bed!

Loletta Wed 09-Jul-14 22:53:21

It was my cousin who arranged the booking but the payment came from her parents' account. She thought she was staying in a luxury one bedroom flat on St James' Park for £78 per night. hmm

The're 18, lesson learned.

Mine have fucked up travel arrangements over the years (my eldest is 29), that's how they learn.

They are immature and probably self absorbed, they are teenagers planning a dirty weekend away.

Nalia Wed 09-Jul-14 23:09:22

Having had a boyfriend who refused point blank to meet any of my family, I wouldn't hold it against your cousin. Most likely he's the problem, not her.

If it were me, I'd tell Cousin that in that case, she is welcome to stay with me and my friends alone, but not with Boyfriend. His decision -- miss out on the holiday, or grow some balls and meet the family. I'd also have a private word with Cousin and explain that it's a red flag that someone doesn't want to meet family, and that she should consider what it really means.

mrsmalcolmreynolds Wed 09-Jul-14 23:20:49

Absolutely, immature +self-absorbed = teenagers. However even by those standards this is a massive cheek! Not only to you but to your aunt - if it was your cousin who messed up and got scammed why is her mum ringing round relatives to try to salvage the situation?

The lesson hasn't been learned because despite having made a big mistake they are still getting what they wanted, for no expense or effort on their part.

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