did this performance parenting go over my head???

(71 Posts)
LEMmingaround Wed 09-Jul-14 17:48:19

Asked other mum what her dd ( my dds best friend)wanted for bday - texted "book token because dd spends SOoooo much time choosing books"-im not even joking hmm

She knows my dd just got official dyslexia diagnosis and gets upset because she cant read.

So I respond -oooh good idea. Do the same for dd as she does the same now we found the dyslexia friendly section.

Then I sit here thinking ...hang on a minute. ...you smug, competitive parenting (she is the very definition of comp parent and would be proud of the label)cunt..... angry

AIBU and WIBU to present said child with just that - abook token? When the poor thing is frogmarched to waterstones evrry week to buy the latest translation of the Canterbury tales???

nicename Wed 09-Jul-14 17:54:23

How old is she? I don't think she was being a CP. Is she normally a bit show-offy?

FWIW, I have two relatives with dyslexia - one is a computer security expert and the other is at uni studying something very hi-falutin (brain biology or summit).

SapphireMoon Wed 09-Jul-14 17:54:30

Buy her Sponge Bob Square pants book or equivalent.
Child might like it, can guarantee the Mum won't...

jamaisjedors Wed 09-Jul-14 17:55:29

I don't get what's wrong with her answer or with giving a book token - I loved getting them when I was little and I know DS1 would like one as a present.

But I guess you are feeling sensitive about your DD and this other mum already has form?

TryingToBePractical Wed 09-Jul-14 17:56:25

I dont really see anything wrong in this. You asked for a present suggestion. The suggestion she gave was I assume a genuine one, ie one her DD would like (and I see no reason why you should not buy it). Many would consider it a boring gift and some children would not be hugely thrilled with such a gift so I can see why she might feel the need to give an explanation for her suggestion.
But it no doubt depends on context. If she has form for competitive parenting it may well be less benign that I read it.

whatsagoodusername Wed 09-Jul-14 17:57:32

It does sound a bit performance parenting. But I'd have loved book tokens as a kid, because I did spend ages choosing books, so it could well be something the DD would like.

Get DD to ask her friend what she'd like. If she says books, then go for the book tokens.

Completely depends. DD loves books, so do I. I loved getting book tokens as a child. However, if you know she has form, maybe YANBU.

campingfilth Wed 09-Jul-14 17:59:09

I don't get what was wrong with her answer. You asked and she said what would be good how the hell can that be performance parenting.

Your being over sensitive and parents are allowed to say what there children are good at and what they like without it being PP. Jesus only in this country and on MM are people not allowed to be proud of their children.

I loved books, I made my mum go into the library every time she passed it, lots of kids like books and just because yours doesn't, does not mean no-one else's should.

Get her moonsand, loom bands and a trumpet!

noddyholder Wed 09-Jul-14 18:00:23

Oh no I always get tokens or tokens for kindle for mates kids They like it (I think!) Your language is disproportionately vile for the incident though

BarbarianMum Wed 09-Jul-14 18:00:26

Does her dd like reading? Because you did ask? Is your dd upset because she finds reading difficult or because her friend doesn't?

Book tokens are always high on ds1's present list.

I would have loved book tokens as a child. confused

You sound a little... sensitive, OP.

SapphireMoon Wed 09-Jul-14 18:01:39

Loom band explosion all over our house!
Obviously the Mum has form or you would not be so irritated.

wimblehorse Wed 09-Jul-14 18:02:09

When mums have suggested books as presents, I've assumed it's because a)they don't want more plastic cluttering their house & b)you can spend as much or little as you like & still get a thoughtful present

MrsD0nnaLyman Wed 09-Jul-14 18:03:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MexicanSpringtime Wed 09-Jul-14 18:05:28

Another one who doesn't understand what is wrong with the suggestion. Are we supposed to never talk about reading around dyslexics?

drudgetrudy Wed 09-Jul-14 18:05:38

It sounds initially like you may be being unreasonable but you know this Mum and can pick up the subtlety of whether it was a nasty bit of competitive parenting,
To be on the safe side go with the moonsand and trumpet!

NewtRipley Wed 09-Jul-14 18:06:52

I think that you know what she is generally like, but on the face of this I'd say that her DD loves reading, and that she simply wasn't thinking about your DD at the point you asked her. She'd have to be quite the bitch to say this to hurt you. is she?

kelda Wed 09-Jul-14 18:07:33

Nothing wrong with her answer. Not CP at all.

thecakeisalieagain Wed 09-Jul-14 18:07:38

I agree with pumpkin this sounds like you're being a little sensitive. I think it was probably an innocent comment. My kids spend ages choosing books and they can't read yet. My 4 year old would love getting to choose a new book with a book token.

NewtRipley Wed 09-Jul-14 18:07:58


I used to read at school with a dyslexic child. She had one of the greatests loves of books I have come across.

splendide Wed 09-Jul-14 18:08:05

I don't get it - was her text a joke? What's wrong with suggesting book tokens?

I definitely don't understand "WIBU to present said child with just that - abook token?" - why would that be unreasonable, she'll be pleased probably.

NewtRipley Wed 09-Jul-14 18:08:27


Billygoats Wed 09-Jul-14 18:09:19

I'm another one not seen anything wrong with her request or the way she phrased it. YABU and a bit over the top.

NewtRipley Wed 09-Jul-14 18:10:26


I love reading and practically lived inthe library as a child. Never read the Canterbury Tales though

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