To be done with it all & elope?

(76 Posts)
sheandlifex Wed 09-Jul-14 00:46:29

Four years ago DP asked me to marry him. Since then we've been various shades of broke combined with a pregnancy and families who don't know each other or care to (his mum, dad and sister irrationally hate me & fail to acknowledge I even exist nowadays).

We're getting married in October. Save the date booked in, giving notice next week etc but seriously, all I've had is trouble. From my brother saying if his girlfriend of six months, her twelve year old daughter and her grandson don't come he won't either to being told I can't invite my brothers ex-wife who I am close with because it'd cause trouble and DP not wanting the drama of inviting his parents. We told them we'd invite who we like and it's just caused more hassle.

Would I be being unreasonable to practically elope with DP, our two DD's (6 & 3) plus two witnesses to the registry office in my dress and just do it for £50 in City Hall? DP thinks it's a great idea and our photographer would do the ceremony and shots outside so we have professional photos and then we'd pop out for a meal.

My wedding dress isn't that fancy (long, lace, straps) and DP would be in a shirt & trousers so I think we could pull it off in a small register office without looking too fancy plus we save around £1000 plus hassle. I know my family will be upset but the marriage to me is much more important than anything else, even the reactions of family. I feel really horrible doing it but I REALLY want to. DP doesn't care either way as long as we're married from it.

Happydaysatlastforthebody Wed 09-Jul-14 00:49:56

How would your dm feel? Personally I would expect my kids to invite me as I am ace.

Seriously though op invite the people who are supporting you and not bother with the rest.

Why wouldn't you?

IamRechargingthankYou Wed 09-Jul-14 00:50:21

ELOPE - YES, YES ELOPE. (Then invite me to the Reception) BUT ELOPE - GO NOW!!

Bifauxnen Wed 09-Jul-14 00:53:46

I've been with DP about 13 years and we're planning to do this. Let your mum know but go ahead with what you want. Having said that I probably would tell my mum after but I'm pretty sure she'd expect that. You can always have a far more inclusive but low key reception after.

sheandlifex Wed 09-Jul-14 00:55:47

DM is dead so I have no female family apart from my sister who I've told and would like to be a witness and my 94 year old great grandma who lives in a care home and has memory troubles. DP's family would care but not enough not to mess up our day if we did a ceremony with 30 odd people which he's terrified of internally. All he wants to do is marry me and he's scared they'll put a dampener on it or completely flat out refuse to come because I'm there.

Bifauxnen Wed 09-Jul-14 01:01:49

Sorry about your mum. I don't think you'd be unreasonable to 'elope' at all. It's about you and your DP, you both agree, do what makes you happy.

IamRechargingthankYou Wed 09-Jul-14 01:02:01

ELOPE - and then have a special party with94 year old grandma as the 'star'. OK , you don't have to invite me but still.....ELOPE!!!

HillyHolbrook Wed 09-Jul-14 01:04:28

Are you me?hmm

I wish we were eloping. Instead we've just been harsh and only invited people we like and made everyone swear not to tell his parents where the wedding is. They all know DPs parents are total twats, including FILs own mother, who encouraged us not to invite him! It's caused a LOT of hassle, but I'll be a heavily pregnant bride so nobody dares wind me up in case I pop the baby out half way through the speechesgrin

Elope! It's your wedding, you only need you, him and the DDs there, plus witnesses! It'll be a stress free day and you'll get a husband at the end of it- so why not?

sheandlifex Wed 09-Jul-14 01:05:17

Has anyone eloped and regretted it? I hear people wishing their wedding was different all the time but haven't heard anyone regret just doing it really simple and just for them yet.

AdoraBell Wed 09-Jul-14 01:08:50

You either tell everyone who whinges that you are inviting X Y and Z and they can shut up and play nice on the day, or elope.

Whichever will cause you and DP the least stress. As you say, the marriage is more important than the wedding. I would be inclined to elope if I we're you as family are already being arsey about your wedding day.

I hope you have a lovely daythanks wine

AdoraBell Wed 09-Jul-14 01:11:49

I have a sister who eloped, and DH and I very nearly did but he has a son who wanted to be involved so I we put our collective foot down and told MIL straight.

Skinidin Wed 09-Jul-14 01:13:23

Just do it xxxx

IamRechargingthankYou Wed 09-Jul-14 01:14:58

I have never known anyone who eloped and regretted it. I know loads who did the please everyone but the married couple wedding scenario who did regret it. Not only will it be special for your dc (as well as dp and you of course!) this can be very special for 94 year old GM (time limited).

The absolute worst is it was a£50 gamble that you lost.
With a future DH like yours I doubt it.
Some spend £15k on a far worse gamble - and mostly lose.

ELOPE!!!!

UncleT Wed 09-Jul-14 01:29:59

Do it. People have no right to mess your wedding day up. Sounds like the only sure way to do it as you wish. Sod them, this is one thing in life that is genuinely all about you (and DP).

BOFster Wed 09-Jul-14 01:38:35

Gosh, just do it. It makes total sense.

OldLadyKnowsSomething Wed 09-Jul-14 01:43:12

I'd fully support your wish to elope, but have a brief word of warning. Dh and I did the full church thingy, mainly for MIL, but Dh's bro (BIL) and his DW "eloped" to Gretna (pointless, we all live in Scotland anyway, and they were well over 16!) taking only the two sets of parents. MIL still has an uncomfortable relationship with her own sister because BIL & his DW weren't invited to the sister's kid's weddings. My feeling is that if you don't invite folk to your wedding you can hardly get snitty about not being invited to other people's weddings (and, tbf, I have no idea how BIL & DW feel about it) but MIL feels differently.

TheRealAmandaClarke Wed 09-Jul-14 01:46:42

I'm confused by the "12 year old daughter and her grandson" bit
But I vote Elope.
So much less stress.

OldLadyKnowsSomething Wed 09-Jul-14 01:51:37

I guess the db's gf also has an older child, parent of the dgc, Amanda. grin

ICanSeeTheSun Wed 09-Jul-14 03:13:23

I would elope, but I would go abroad and get married on a beach.

Honeymoon and wedding in 1

MsVenus Wed 09-Jul-14 03:22:25

I wish we had eloped as it wpuld have prevented it from becoming the big travelling circus it later turned into because of SIL.

Do it and throw a party afterwards for everyone to give your dress a second outing. As for cutting down on extra guests book your reception/ wedding mid week in the middle of nowhere in a rural venu

Greenkit Wed 09-Jul-14 04:11:30

Husband and I did this and is was great, married in Penzance and then came home threw a party and that was that!

Do it xx

Kelly1814 Wed 09-Jul-14 04:20:54

Do it! This is exactly what I did. Not a white wedding person, DH's family don't speak, our families scattered around world, we live overseas.

We flew to Vegas, got married, had an amazing ten days there. Told parents the night before. Told the world, via Facebook, the day after.

Best thing ever and we don't regret one minute. It was made all the more romantic and lovely as only we knew what was happening.

Do what you want to do,not what everyone else wants!!!

ICanSeeTheSun Wed 09-Jul-14 04:29:44
sonlypuppyfat Wed 09-Jul-14 04:33:06

When we married we had 3 guests, we had a drink in the town a meal out and a walk in the park. It was the best wedding I've ever been to. I really don't know why people put themselves through the stress.

TheRealAmandaClarke Wed 09-Jul-14 06:25:03

grin thanks oldlady

Given the time again I would elope in order to avoid the stress of organising and family complications. I'm not sure I'd have a party afterwards either because then I'd be faced with the same issues, albeit on a smaller scale.
Would have saved thousands too.

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