To think this is a bit rude- or am I over sensitive?

(30 Posts)
PPaka Tue 08-Jul-14 21:21:30

Making small talk with another parent and she says
Yes, I look at my son sometimes and think oh dear, he's going to be just like yours

It's too late now, but you should have replied "he should be so lucky" YANBU, very rude things to have said.

Lambzig Tue 08-Jul-14 21:24:07

No, that's a mean thing to say. Without the 'oh dear' it would have been fine.

The only exception would be if she was referring to a huge talent that you son has that means hard work for a parent. Even then it's questionable.

VitoCorleone Tue 08-Jul-14 21:25:18

That was a pretty rude thing to say, was she serious when she said it or was it a joke?

Only1scoop Tue 08-Jul-14 21:25:51

It's an odd thing to say. A bit rude if she meant because your ds seems a handful....

PPaka Tue 08-Jul-14 21:30:11

Well I took it to mean because he's a handful.
She mentioned something about tantrums and screeching too.
Ds is a bit loud, but not many tantrums these days

She was v breezy about it

RabbitSaysWoof Tue 08-Jul-14 21:30:24

In what way?
I could only take it as a joke if you were saying something about your own ds like if hes hyper or something then she says hers is getting hard to keep up with too.
Hard to know without the whole conversation.

PPaka Tue 08-Jul-14 21:31:57

I could put it down to silly things you say when trying to make conversation, but she repeated it
And I'm a bit sensitive about ds right now, as he's struggling a bit

Fairy13 Tue 08-Jul-14 21:32:27

YANBU. She was definitely rude.

annebullin Tue 08-Jul-14 21:32:43

That's so rude! What did you say?

picnicbasketcase Tue 08-Jul-14 21:32:46

Hard stare and 'I'm not sure how to take that...' and she'd realise how rude the comment was.

Smilesandpiles Tue 08-Jul-14 21:33:06

I wouldn't worry about it this time. I'd have taken it the same way as you did - he's a bit of a handful.

If she was breezy about it, I doubt she ment anything nasty, just an off hand remark that should have been taken as a joke but didn't quite make it.

PPaka Tue 08-Jul-14 21:35:04

No, I hadn't said anything about ds, he ran in and out,and was having fun with the other kids, no louder than them

She knows him quite well though, knows how energetic he his

RabbitSaysWoof Tue 08-Jul-14 21:35:05

Sorry x posted then.
She sounds like a wanker if you wernt at that moment saying "my ds is so difficult"

VioletHare Tue 08-Jul-14 21:36:23

Did she mean it in an age way? Just maybe not put across very well.

As in, she was recognising that all (for instance) 2 year olds are hard work and have the odd scream and tantrum and you have to run around after them. And she's looking at her 3 week old and in a 'all mothers have kids in common' way acknowledging that sooner or later everyones beautiful newborn becomes a snotty, whiny, pooing-behind-the-sofa-when-you're-not-looking toddler?

That's not explained very well so if anyone got the gist and word it more eloquently i'd be thankful.

PPaka Tue 08-Jul-14 21:36:23

I honestly don't think she was being mean, I'm just a bit hurt I think

PPaka Tue 08-Jul-14 21:37:42

Maybe violet, her ds is a toddler, mine nearly 7

littlesupersparks Tue 08-Jul-14 21:40:26

It is a bit insensitive, but I think I get what she means. Same as mums of one looking at my two fighting and saying 'oh dear, mine will be like that when I have two'. It's that same as saying 'oh goodness - I've got all that to look forward to!'
I expect she meant it to put you at your ease - letting you know that she understands hers will be just as boisterous at that age xx

annebullin Tue 08-Jul-14 21:40:55

Could she have meant it in a 'fond' way if she knows your ds quite well?

PPaka Tue 08-Jul-14 21:46:15

Yeah, I think she does think fondly of him, if someone I didn't know said it, I'd be really offended
But I think she likes him
I didn't really say much, I just rethought it through in my head, then moved on to something else.

CombineBananaFister Tue 08-Jul-14 21:49:01

I've said similar blush but in the way violet explained.
Like watching a group of fighting brothers, when I had a newborn and saying 'crikey, I've got all this to come'

rowna Tue 08-Jul-14 21:49:56

I don't think she meant to be mean.

I said to someone recently, who was complaining how difficult her teenagers were, god I'm dreading the teenage years.

Nothing to do with her dc, but I guess she might well have taken it as an insult. It wasn't intended to be. Just that you gradually grow to cope as your dc does and what's in the far distance seems sort of insurmountable.

CombineBananaFister Tue 08-Jul-14 21:49:59

x-post !

annebullin Tue 08-Jul-14 22:12:28

If she knows him well and is fond of him, she probably meant no ill will by it.

fluffymouse Tue 08-Jul-14 22:23:17

Sounds rude but she may have mean it in a joking way. I think with comments like this you need to pull people up at the time.

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