To be horrified and devastated at state of things down below? WAY TMI warning!!!!

[iamnotacoward]

So I was doing some maintenance down below. And got out the mirror to make sure it was all nice and neat. I have not looked properly down there since birth of ds who is now 2.
I actually feel as if I am in some sort of surreal nightmare and am going to wake up soon. I can't stop crying, I am so appalled.
TMI ALERT!
Firstly, at the top inside there is what looks like a mini vagina inside my actual vagina. Like a big hanging flap of skin with large opening. It is not a uterine prolapse- I have had a good feel and cervix is where it should be. Then all around the bottom of vaginal entrance is a cluster if horrible polyp type things. And everything is all pushed together rather than there being a normal opening.
I am going to gp tomorrow. I can't believe what it looks like. I feel so horrified and full of self disgust!! Did anyone else ever look down there and get a shock!? I know this is revolting so please don't post anything mean....

[Cakecrumbsinmybra]

If you are worried, then go to your GP as you say. Are you sure you looked properly before DC anyway? Personally I just think it is best not to look - I don't anymore! Who cares what it looks like as long as it is all healthy and working?

[KnackeredMuchly]

Yes I had a shock. Went to GP who declared it 'definitely not normal'.

Referred to a gynae who saud if I didn't mind and didn't have any physical complications I didn't nneed surgery.

I am happy with that.

[iamnotacoward]

I suppose I am a bit afraid also that the polyp type things are something sinister.

[Pumpkinpositive]

Yes, I looked as a teenager and was appalled. I mean, even at its best, it's still fucking ugly, isn't it?

[iamnotacoward]

Hmm well if it was unpretty before it's a complete horror show now. Like something from a medical textbook.

[KateSpade]

Be careful, your vagina will end up depressed calling it names like that..

Sorry, couldn't resist!

[Y0rkshirePudding]

I feel your pain hun. Even before I had kids, in my early 20's, I was convinced I was 'grotesquely abnormal' down there. It severely affected my confidence. I begged my GP to send me to a specialist, despite being told by the GP I was perfectly 'normal' and that everyone looks different. I couldn't believe that THAT was normal and insisted I saw a specialist as I felt like a freak.

She agreed and referred me, butnI was given a shameful telling off by the specialist for wasting her time as she abruptly informed me "there is nothing wrong with you, stop being silly!". I went home in tears still convinced she was lying to me.

I started looking into vaginaplasty surgery privately - but felt totally at a loss when I realised I couldn't afford it.

But since meeting my current partner and asking him directly if he thinks I'm "weird down there" he put my mind at rest. I've slowly learned to realise I had spent years comparing myself to women seen in glamour / pornography, but that the vast majority of us general public are actually all different and don't look like these women - especially after childbirth!

After my sons difficult birth (ventouse and episiotomy) mine looks different again. But I have been checked by the nurse and everything is where it should be, I have no health issues to be concerned about, and my OH still finds me attractive - everywhere! In fact, my OH knew I'd get all upset about it after birth so he made me look at it with a mirror together, to show me its not as bad as I think, or as bad as I think he thinks it is!

Im sure this is just the case with you, and that it's just been a bit of a shock to you. I hope your appointment with the GP reassures you and that everything is ok. And if it isn't you're doing the right thing to get it checked out x

[WobblyHalo]

I feel for you. I felt exactly the same. There's nothing medically wrong with me so I'm learning to live with it. But it's a shit feeling.

[Greenybrownish]

Hi yea I worry about the polyp looking things too- can't remember them pre kids

[iggy155]

Yep funny enough I felt the polyp things the other day. Think they may be scar tissue or something as I had quite a few stitches down there after giving birth.

[Mouthfulofquiz]

I had polyps grow on my episiotomy scar - they aren't a problem. I had them wizzed off wth a silver nitrate stick by a gynae doc - no pain, easy as pie. Nothing to worry about really :-)

[iamnotacoward]

Thanks mouthful, that's a huge relief to read that. And to all who replied so far.

[cardibach]

I'm sorry you feel crap about it, and agree you should see a GP if it is worrying you, but I honestly can't imagine being bothered about the look of that particular area...The more public bits of me aren't perfect and I don't really worry about that, so those bits have no hope!

[iamnotacoward]

It's the polyps most of all, they really give me the shudders.

[FederationPresidentBarryFife]

Mine is a fucking mess. Even the midwife said that I should wait til I'd had my babies and then "get it all neatened up by a surgeon". When she did my stitches after my tear she said her colleague "where do you think this bit goes???" I think it feels ok to DH but it has knocked my confidence - not that I flashed it about everywhere but still! I will have reconstructive surgery after dc3. Don't worry too much, go to the gp.

[BirdhouseInYourSoul]

I had the exact same reaction as you when I first saw mine properly about 8 months after DS was born.

The shock does fade and you mostly forget the horror.

However, I saw this (because a friend was involved with it) and it really did a lot to help me realise Vaginas are all so different. These are everyday -not-prepped-for-porn vaginas.

probably not safe for work but not dodgy I promise

[MagicMojito]

I've still not looked down "there" since Dd2 was born (3weeks ago)

Dreading seeing it properly tbh. I had a small 2nd degree tear but no stitches so I'm not too optimistic, although to be fair they are all pretty disgusting looking anyway :)

[thegreylady]

The 'polyps' could well be varicose veins which are not uncommon after a vaginal delivery. Go for a check up to reassure yourself though.

[piratecat]

i was horrified at straggly bits which i was assured were the left overs of my hymen. Before childbirth hidden, but after (and a 3rd dgree tear) 'on show'

i did have a few dangly bits removed with the process described by another poster. nitrate stuff. it did sting a bit, but healed ok.

[Cheepypeepy]

BirdhouseInYourSoul great site and concept!

[Queenofknickers]

I was a right mess after a 3 rd degree tear and another large and fast baby. I got referred to gynae for reconstructive surgery - I won't lie it was grim afterwards with loads of stitches, but am so glad I did get it done as I'm not in daily discomfort anymore and it improved my confidence, knowing it was "back to normal"?!?!?

[RedRoom]

Of course you aren't disgusting- you've had a little boy and that took its toll on your fanjo, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. The body is wonderful, sure, but it can only deal with so much pushing. See your GP and find out what options are available. I'm going to be bossy though and push my point: you are not disgusting!

[TheCuriousOwl]

My fanjo is on the Great Wall of Vagina!!!

And I echo: you are NOT disgusting.

[DenyDenyDeny]

I just had to check for the first time since I had children which has been a decade.

Luckily no polyps, but I have them on the inside and get them removed. Im currently putting off seeing the doctor because Im symptomatic of them again. Bah!

See your GP, OP, hope you're ok.

[DenyDenyDeny]

REALLY Curious Owl??

I saw a flyer with loads of them years ago (maybe 4-5 years back?) was yours on there??