to think he's too young for this?

(57 Posts)
affafantoosh Tue 08-Jul-14 15:58:53

DS is a sensible just-7-year-old. DH has sent him to the local shop to buy himself sweets. DH didn't discuss this decision with me. The shop is a 3 or 4 minute walk along a road then a pedestrian crossing at a busy junction on the high street.

I am cross because I disagree that it's a suitable route to send a 7 year old and I'm cross because DH didn't think it was worth discussing with me. Now I'm going to be the bad guy who says no next time DS asks, and DH has just said he didn't know I had strong feelings about it. How would he know if he didn't bother to talk to me about it?! He says he can make decisions about DS as his father but to me this sort of thing should be agreed on by both parents first.

Prepared for mixed opinions on this one but I needed to vent.

Floggingmolly Tue 08-Jul-14 16:01:52

I'm with you on both counts. He's too young, and that's not a unilateral decision to make.

Euphemia Tue 08-Jul-14 16:02:03

YABU unless your DH is unable to make sensible decisions by himself?

Floralnomad Tue 08-Jul-14 16:02:13

I wouldn't have let him go unless he was with an equally sensible friend ,and I would be cross if my DH unilaterally made those kind of decisions.

MrsWinnibago Tue 08-Jul-14 16:02:38

YANBU. DS is far too young.

CoffeeTea103 Tue 08-Jul-14 16:03:56

Yanbu he is far too young.

picnicbasketcase Tue 08-Jul-14 16:03:57

I don't think I'd let a child that young do that either, and he should've discussed it. Did he decide on his own because he knew you would disagree?

thegreylady Tue 08-Jul-14 16:06:14

Much too young. My dgs is 7 and would not be allowed to cross a busy road by himself.

affafantoosh Tue 08-Jul-14 16:06:23

Euphemia DH is very sensible but he is also spontaneous. He won't have considered that I have had to turn away 5 year olds from the door, asking for DS to come to the park to play. The park is across another busy road with a horrible crossroads to negotiate and lots of idiotic boy racers. It's hard to negotiate this stuff with DS, making him understand that my not allowing him the freedom that some younger kids get isn't a reflection on DS.

KnackeredMuchly Tue 08-Jul-14 16:07:02

Not sure if he os too young but awful he didn't make the decision with you.

Dontgotosleep Tue 08-Jul-14 16:10:19

Y.N.B.U. He's 7 ffs not 17. My D.D was not allowed past the door at that age.
It hasn't affected her though, she goes everywhere now.

affafantoosh Tue 08-Jul-14 16:14:40

Recently (the last month) DS has been allowed to ride his bike on a tarmac parking area halfway up our road, out of sight of the house. This was also a unilateral decision on DH's part but I want to acknowledge that DS is sensible and reward it with the independence he wants, so I accepted this. I let him go but make him wear a watch and he knows he must be back within the time I've said. He's been really good at sticking to it.

I think crossing the road is too much though.

queenofthemountain Tue 08-Jul-14 16:14:44

7 is the age I started letting each of my 6 dc go to the village shop and friends houses by themselves.There is no busy road to cross here , but if there were , and there was a pedestrian crossing then i wouldn't worry.
I really think it depend how they have been brought up, some DC are wrapped in cotton wool and others gradually exposed to risks they can manage under controlled conditions.

BuzzardBird Tue 08-Jul-14 16:15:31

He is too young IMO. I know my DD is sensible too but I also know that she is not old enough to stand her ground if anyone tried to encourage her to do something against my wishes. At 7, they are still building their self-esteem.

Scotslasslivinginfrance Tue 08-Jul-14 16:16:24

I don't necessarily think that he is too young, as each child is different you have to assess each child against each situation.

It sounds like the type of thing my dc at 7 would ask to do and I would discuss with them how they would get there and back safely and how long it should take, not going off with anyone they know etc. if my DH was around its likely we would discuss together if not I would make that decision myself.

Likewise if my DH was the parent in charge he would assess and decide as he saw fit.

Do you always make all parenting decisions together?

affafantoosh Tue 08-Jul-14 16:20:15

We don't make all parenting decisions together. DH tends to be more laid back, I'm too uptight, so we often meet in the middle (when I get the opportunity to have an opinion).

On the subject of knowing your individual child, I know DS is sensible. I also walk him to school most days (DH drives him if he's taking them) and see how distracted and foolish he can be sometimes, despite knowing about crossing safely etc.

Owllady Tue 08-Jul-14 16:22:07

Well I think it depends where you live really
We live in a three tier school system and children are encouraged to walk to and from school on their own in year four, so age 8/9
Then year 5 they are having to catch buses on their own to and from middle school miles away
In our case we were sort of forced into giving independence earlier because of the school system (and what they expect too)

K think 7 is a little on the young side but it's not unusual in our village (where people get their knickers in a twist if someone isn't local <Royston vasey>)

Nanny0gg Tue 08-Jul-14 16:28:46

We used to be told by Road Safety Officers that children under 7 have no road sense and are too young to be able to judge speed/distance.

I would have been cross too.

Gileswithachainsaw Tue 08-Jul-14 16:32:52

All depends where you live really. I wouldn't say 7 is hugely young but if the route is tricky or dangerous then yanbu.

If it was an easy route and no roads then fine.

NobodyLivesHere Tue 08-Jul-14 16:37:23

my not quite 7 year old goes to the shop. i trust her more than i trust her 9 year old brother. I dont think its a major parenting decision that requires both parents input, but you do need to show a united front if its a no from now on.

Scotslasslivinginfrance Tue 08-Jul-14 16:37:54

So on reflection knowing your child you feel that he may not be ready for this so this is the discussion you need to have with your DH and see if you can reach an agreement about suitable limits for you child at the moment.

I think this is just a normal part of parenting, there are things that I let our dc do that makes my DH raise his eyebrows and likewise the other way round. Sometimes our dc show us that they are ready for increased responsibility and independence and other times when either DH or I put our foot down and we have to renegotiate.

How did your DS get on with his adventure to the shops?

affafantoosh Tue 08-Jul-14 16:43:58

He came back with a Kinder egg smile

On a good day with no distractions I trust DS very much. But he can be impulsive and forgetful and careless and he's only 7. The route he travelled has 1 minor junction to cross and then two entrances to a mechanic workshop where cars often reverse out, then there's a 3-way pedestrian crossing so there are a couple of options to get across to the sweet shop, as well as parked cars and another minor junction if he chooses to cross the single pedestrian crossing. Then back again with the distraction of whatever he's bought.

It's too much.

drudgetrudy Tue 08-Jul-14 16:45:17

YANBU -too young to cross a pedestrian crossing on a busy high street- needs to get used to back roads first and DH should have discussed with you.

diddl Tue 08-Jul-14 16:45:52

It's not the decision for one parent to make?

good grief!

Scotslasslivinginfrance Tue 08-Jul-14 16:51:38

Totally agree boundaries can shift daily depending on behaviour and concentration. The joys of parenting ;-)

Kinder eggs are such a rip off give the amount of chocolate they get but I suppose I shouldn't complain that dc is happy to eat less chocolate in return for a shit toy that gets lost in seconds!

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