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AIBU?

To be so angry that MIL fed DS 4month

247 replies

PretzelPrincess · 07/07/2014 23:22

So I left DS who is 4 moths old with MIL just while I popped to the super market, half an hour max. I come back and she's feeding him a banana He's 4 months and I have explicitly said over and over I don't want to give him solids just yet. I'm so angry just thinking about it. I feel totally undermined. Don't trust her with DS anymore. Urghhhhhh.

OP posts:

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greeneggsandjam · 07/07/2014 23:24

You are not being unreasonable, she was! What was her reasoning behind suddenly deciding to do it? Did she think she would have it over by the time you got back or she wanted you to see it? How annoying! I also wouldn't be leaving him alone with her for quite a while if I could help it.

magoria · 07/07/2014 23:26

Don't trust her with DS anymore.

I don't blame you. She has just abused and destroyed all trust you had in her. Jest because this may have been done in her day and didn't cause any harm does not make it right that she ignore and run completely rough shod over your decisions for your child.

I hope you gave her a bollocking.

It is going to take a long time for her to earn your trust to have your child alone again. say 15/20 years?

Nottinghill1 · 07/07/2014 23:27

She was so wrong to do this. I would of been really angry especially as it's recommended that you start weaning at 6 months. Did you tell her you wS angry?

wrapsuperstar · 07/07/2014 23:27

God, was she just waiting for you to turn your back so she could undermine a fundamental parenting choice you made -- and a good, solid, backed up with science one at that? The fact that you were very clear with her about what you wanted means this isn't remotely a well-intentioned mistake.

I am furious for you OP. And to be honest this would be an unforgivable action in my eyes.

SavoyCabbage · 07/07/2014 23:28

I don't blame you. What did she say?

I don't blame you for being angry.

I wouldn't leave him with her any more. Just take him with you from now on. I didn't/don't have any help with my two so they just had to go where I was going. Hairdressers, dentist the lot. (We live in a different country from all our relatives.)

Once when staying with my MIL she said she was just taking out 18 month old to have her ears pierced...

Nottinghill1 · 07/07/2014 23:28

It should of been you giving your baby his first tastes,she's taken that away from you now!

WildFlowersAttractBees · 07/07/2014 23:29

YANBU she is bang out of order. The trust would be gone for me too.

musicposy · 07/07/2014 23:30

I would also be very cross if you explicitly said don't. In her day, you weaned babies much younger and she probably hasn't caught up/ thinks you are starving him - but that isn't the point. It isn't her decision to make. Can your DH point out to her that if she wants to look after the baby in future she cannot undermine you? Get her absolute promise and agreement before next time.

Having said that, try to chill over it a little yourself. As short a time ago as when my 14 year old was a baby, absolutely everyone was weaned by 4 months (and by 3 months just a couple of years before that). I'm not aware that any more teens have digestion/ allergy problems than younger children. It's extremely unlikely to have done him any real harm.

greeneggsandjam · 07/07/2014 23:31

Once when staying with my MIL she said she was just taking out 18 month old to have her ears pierced...

Love it!

ShadowFall · 07/07/2014 23:32

YANBU.

I'd be very cross about that too - especially as you'd made it clear that he's not to be given solids. Your MIL should have respected your wishes on this.

Just wondering as one possible reason for this - although she still shouldn't have fed him the banana- did you leave any milk for her to give your DS if he needed a feed while you were out?

LondonRocks · 07/07/2014 23:33

Silly cow.

Seriously. What is it with some MILs and this weird territorial freakery?!

Tell her how you feel. Get those boundaries drawn - now!

ComradePlexiglass · 07/07/2014 23:34

Aw, that was bang out of order. And I say that as someone who weaned all of mine at just under 4 months. She was way out of line to go against your wishes. How awkward. What did she say when you caught her?

PretzelPrincess · 07/07/2014 23:34

Exactly nottinghill! He's my first and I look forward to all our firsts together. And I want to be the one watching his face squirm when he has his first food. I'm so upset I've missed that.

OP posts:

musicposy · 07/07/2014 23:34

There's definitely a bigger issue here to sort. The parenting decisions are yours, not hers, regardless of whether she agrees or not. If she disagrees she can argue it out with you if she wishes, but she cannot go behind your back and undermine your choices.

I would be spelling that out very clearly before she got another chance.

PretzelPrincess · 07/07/2014 23:40

I had fed him just before leaving so he was content. Meshes been talking about feeding him solids for weeks now and saying he's underweight(he's not).
I know that a banana isn't going to hurt him but it's just the fact she was so sly doing it behind my back.
I took DS from her and said 'were not allowed food just yet are we DS'.
DH will be having stern words with her (once I have stern words with him). I know she wot listen to anythig I say. And If I do say something even slightly confrontational it will turn into a full scale war involving the whole family.

OP posts:

Lucked · 07/07/2014 23:40

There is no reason, I am sure OP had a phone. I am sorry this has happened. Your mil has blown it.

My babies have been breastfed and I haven't managed to express, if I have popped out prior to weaning those at home have just had to cope!

Even if he was ready to wean, giving your baby his first food is precious and exciting - or it should be, not something to be done whilst the mum is oblivious in the supermarket.

MrsMikeDelfino · 08/07/2014 00:20

YANBU, she had no reason to do that - was absolutely nothing to do with her - YOU'RE the parent, not her so so she had no right to decide when your child should have their first taste of food!

I wouldn't be leaving her with your child anymore either if she couldn't respect your wishes.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/07/2014 00:28

YANBU, He had just been fed and was quite happy, she was effectively trying to over feed him, that would piss me off along with her blatant disregard of his needs and you're parenting decisions.

scotchtikidoll · 08/07/2014 00:37

Absolutely disgraceful, and ignorant to boot! Not necessarily because she fed under 6 months, but because she thinks she knows whats best for YOUR child. Don't let her get away with it.

Iswallowedawatermelon · 08/07/2014 00:40

Yanbu

She was totally wrong to do this

CrystalDeCanter · 08/07/2014 00:40

Oh for gods sake. Relax it's a banana not poison. You're all hysterical and mad.

SaucyJack · 08/07/2014 00:46

YANBU. All of mine had their first tastes at four months, but that was my decision to take- just as it's your decision not to wean yet.

She's has her turn being mum. Your son's "firsts" are for you to do.

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slithytove · 08/07/2014 01:30

Fucking disgraceful and I would be fuming.

Yavvvvvnbu

Amy106 · 08/07/2014 01:47

It is up to dh to make it very clear to MIL why what she did was really wrong and hurtful and that you two are the parents and will make all future parenting decisions. I am sorry that you will miss out on the banana taste first but there so many other fun food firsts to come. And I won't leave MIL alone with ds again. Enjoy your baby!

weatherall · 08/07/2014 01:54

If the word hysteria hadn't already been invented it would be for this thread!

You are all loons and I feel sorry for the DCs suffering this pfbness/helicopter parenting.

It takes a village to raise a child...

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