AIBU to think DH should have learned to drive?

(220 Posts)
SisterMcKenzie Fri 04-Jul-14 20:19:04

He's pissed off with me because I'm not going to pick him up and the DC now.
I'm been guilted out by text atm hmm

It's been 7 years at least since I bought him driving lessons.

His dad gave him numerous driving lessons 20 years back.

I passed my test at 17.

AIBU to think at over 40 he should have equal responsibility for driving?
btw we both work hours and earn similar hours

sanfairyanne Fri 04-Jul-14 20:20:11

up to him if he drives or not but he shouldnt expect lifts.

thenightsky Fri 04-Jul-14 20:21:23

YANBU

just that really

thenightsky Fri 04-Jul-14 20:22:15

Sorry... me again.

If he's had two courses of lessons, why did they not culminate in driving tests?

TheHouseCleaner Fri 04-Jul-14 20:24:31

YABU. There's no "should". You've just said he's over 40 - he's old enough to make his own decisions and not be told he "should" drive.

He is unreasonable for expecting you to pick him up. He isn't unreasonable to expect you to pick up any young children you share together, unless under exceptional circumstances.

GnomeDePlume Fri 04-Jul-14 20:25:41

Given all the opportunities, what are his reasons for not having learned to drive?

Clutterbugsmum Fri 04-Jul-14 20:25:45

I agree with sanfairyanne, it is his choice not to lean to drive and the same with not to drag yourself and dc out to collect him.

SisterMcKenzie Fri 04-Jul-14 20:26:22

why did they not culminate in driving tests?

He never went for them..

Groovee Fri 04-Jul-14 20:27:07

It's his choice not to drive and he shouldn't expect lifts

FraidyCat Fri 04-Jul-14 20:32:05

He isn't unreasonable to expect you to pick up any young children you share together

I suppose anyone who's never learned to cook is exempt from feeding their children, their partner should do it.

littlejohnnydory Fri 04-Jul-14 20:34:05

If he can afford to learn, take his test etc, and is capable of passing it, doesn't have any medical problem preventing him - then YANBU. I'd bloody love to be able to drive. The whole family's lives would be completely different. I failed 3 tests as a young adult and have never been in a financial position to learn since. It's bloody horrible never being fully independent, alwasy relying on lifts / not being able to go places. I don't know why anyone who can learn wouldn't take advantage of the opportunity or wouldn't want to.

littlejohnnydory Fri 04-Jul-14 20:36:28

I suppose anyone who's never learned to cook is exempt from feeding their children, their partner should do it.

It doesn't cost a bloody fortune to learn to cook, so it isn't prohibitive for anyone. And even if you can't cook you can rustle up beans on toast. Driving is black and white, you can either drive or you can't. Silly comparison! The financial side might not apply for the OP's dh but it does apply to many (I'd think most) people who can't drive.

GnomeDePlume Fri 04-Jul-14 20:36:57

If he were single then I would say that it was his choice to not drive. However, once children are on the scene then not driving does edge towards not pulling his weight if the driving partner is expected to do all the child lifts (school, play dates, parties, trips out, doctors appointments etc etc).

I can remember having to drive with an agonising trapped nerve in my neck because DH couldnt drive. We had to ask FiL to collect DD from CM.

Within a week DH had got himself driving as that was a huge lesson learned.

sanfairyanne Fri 04-Jul-14 20:41:57

the kids can get buses or taxis with their dad, or walk
wont kill them

EarthWindFire Fri 04-Jul-14 20:44:10

Some people just don't want to drive for various reasons. It isn't compulsory!

TheHouseCleaner Fri 04-Jul-14 20:45:27

"I suppose anyone who's never learned to cook is exempt from feeding their children, their partner should do it."

Well someone's gotta do it, Fraidycat! grin

C'mon, be kind to me, the essentials to keep a child alive are a bit different to collecting them in a car!

Sillylass79 Fri 04-Jul-14 20:49:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheHouseCleaner Fri 04-Jul-14 20:50:31

"once children are on the scene then not driving does edge towards not pulling his weight if the driving partner is expected to do all the child lifts"

Not if the non driver does other things to make up for not pulling his weight in that particular area. You don't need to split each individual responsibility 50/50 in a relationship where there are children. You just need to do your share of chores overall in some way. So, for example, the DH does the gardening and the DW does the shopping, the DW does the DIY while the DH does the washing and ironing.

thenightsky Fri 04-Jul-14 20:54:17

Why did he let you and his dad both pay for expensive lessons, yet not book the test at the end? confused

DrCoconut Fri 04-Jul-14 20:57:25

You were fortunate to be able to pass a driving test at 17. My parents couldn't afford to pay for me to learn to drive at that age and part time jobs that fitted round college and A levels were almost non existent. I'm now 37 and still have not managed to pass my test despite several attempts. I'm starting again in September, third time lucky? Is there a reason your DH didn't get to be able to drive, it is not easy at all for some people who are not naturals at it.

Goblinchild Fri 04-Jul-14 20:57:40

I'm married to a non-driver, and I feel the same as HouseCleaner. It's a partnership, and you split things up according to abilities and preferences when you can. Or at least that's how my relationship works.
I know that there are 'girly' things I never learnt to do well, that he's never nagged me about or expected. Like ironing.
I took responsibility for my DC and transport until they were old enough to make their own way to most things, and OH doesn't expect lifts. I do offer on occasion, but he always thanks me.
How old are the children you are using as pawns in the struggle?

Goblinchild Fri 04-Jul-14 21:00:54

There are lots of women who post here who can't drive. Do you think their partners should nag them until they do?

DragonMamma Fri 04-Jul-14 21:01:57

After several failed relationships with non drivers, I married a driver and I actually respect him much more because of it.

There's nothing more unattractive than collecting your boyfriend for a date and not being able to have a drink because you're driving.

Doodleloomoo Fri 04-Jul-14 21:02:30

Why was he expecting a lift this time? Do you arrange it and have changed your mind, or did he just assume without asking beforehand?

He is bu to be pissed off unless you have dropped him in it (doesn't sound like it). I know it isnt compulsory to drive, but if there is no reason why not, I do think someone with a family is being unreasonable not to do so.

NuggetofPurestGreen Fri 04-Jul-14 21:06:26

Is it okay for the man not to be able to drink because he's driving? hmm

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now