to think if your kid goes round pushing others about they should expect to be pushed back

[6031769]

Firstly my child is far from perfect and does sometimes push other children without being provoked. Today at party child constantly pushing him about, he falls over a few times but generally just runs off and gets on with things. Eventually he retaliates (sp?) and pushes other child back who starts crying and runs off to tell mum. Much eye rolling that i haven't told him off for making other child cry.

[CoffeeTea103]

Why didn't you have a stern word with the child when he was pushing yours the first few times?

[Fairenuff]

It depends how old the children are. Once you get old enough to realise that pushing is wrong, there is no reason to do it.

[WorraLiberty]

You've forgotten to tell us how old they are, which is pretty important really.

[SquigglySquid]

I thought the rule was always tell an adult about a child hitting before retaliating? He should be telling you. If nothing is done about it, then let him push. But from the other mum's perspective your child went overboard and used more force than necessary.

[6031769]

they're 4 so still young, not yet at school. The play amongst the boys generally seems to be quite rough in general.

[LiberalLibertines]

Were they playing? Or was it malicious?

[WorraLiberty]

4 is quite old for this sort of thing. I thought you were going to say they were toddlers.

I don't blame him for pushing back but I'm surprised you didn't step in and have a stern word with the other boy, the second time he pushed your child.

[6031769]

i would say its playing rather than malicious so if i was to step in i would be stepping in every 5 seconds and most of the time ds isn't bothered and just picks himself up but i just find it abit off that he's made out to be the bad guy.

[SquigglySquid]

At 4 he should know better. But you can't really blame a 4 year old for pushing back. I would just gently tell him to tell you next time a boy pushes him and add loudly that "his mother will take care of it, and if she doesn't I will".

[WorraLiberty]

OK well if he playfully pushed a child over and made him cry, yes he should be told to be a lot more careful in future.

[LiberalLibertines]

Yeah, really you can only parent your child, and if you think pushing's unacceptable, you need to teach him that.

Why would the other mum give you an eye roll if they're like this all the time?

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

So she saw enough of what was happening to roll her eyes at you but not stop her sons behaviour? Nice. If I saw my child constantly pushing other children over I'd be embarrassed and be having stern words with him, not waiting for the fall out.

My dd had the right idea. When she was about two one of her little friends was going through a pushing stage. He pushed over a few kids at toddler group and his mum was a bit ineffectual. When he came to my dd he pushed her but she didn't fall over, she shoved him back and he fell on his arse. He was so surprised he didn't do it anymore. I said oh no dd, that's naughty, ineffectual mum take note but secretly I was thinking ha, good for you dd.

[Ronmione]

I don't think Yabu, if a parent is un willing or too ineffective to tell their child off for pushing I don't think they can expect others to tell theirs off when little jonny gets a taste of what it's like to be pushed.

Next time rolls your eyes back

[WorraLiberty]

All they eyes rolling around would be a health and safety hazard, surely?

All the kids will end up on their arses

[Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon]

Yanbu, I reward two and a half year old dd for hitting back, the bigger the bully the better the reward. Only exception is for younger or smaller toddlers, she knows to be gentle with babies.

I was extremely proud when she walloped a pushing seven year old who'd been purposely knocking over all the toddlers and made the brat cry, I bought her a new pair of converse and an outfit for that.

[WorraLiberty]

Riiiiight....

[bubalou]

I have been in literally EXACTLY the same situation when DS was a bit younger and it was with a child who was that one from the class always pushing, hitting, saying things etc.

I'm not one who believes in all this 'if you get pushed tell a teacher'. With kids like this that doesn't work. I told DS that if he was pushed by this child then he should stand up for himself.

Park after school. Boy pushes DS at least 5 times. I say nothing - he's not hurt, DS is a lot taller and can hold his own but is gentle in nature so I watch but don't get involved.

The 6th time he does it - DS squares up to the boy face to face and pushes him - the kid falls over and looks SO shocked someone has done it back!

The mum came over to him - who I know quite well and she looked at me and I smiled and said 'that's what happens when you keep pushing someone', eventually you'll get pushed back.

I don't think she liked it but she couldn't exactly argue.

[LiberalLibertines]

Bluebell violence gets rewarded at 2 ?! The bigger the bully the bigger the reward just how much 'bullying' is a two year old coming across?! And don't you think this is going to lead to problems when she gets to her teens?

[TokenGirl1]

My 4yo keeps getting hit by a boy a few months younger. I've tried talking to the mother but, according to her, it's just what kids do.

I have now taught him that if this kid ever hits him again, he's to push him away as hard as he possibly can. If the mother isn't going to teach her kid that it's wrong to hit then he's going to have to find out the hard way.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

Bluebell, how bizarre.

Did your dd understand the clothing reward was for your appreciation of her pushing over 'the bully'

[TokenGirl1]

and yes I will reward my son for standing up for himself.

He's usually terrified of doing anything to other children as I've taught him that it's not on. The only exception is this particular boy because his Mummy isn't teaching him not to do naughty things. My son understands that.He's had enough of being hit for the seventh or eighth time with no provocation ever.

This was the same mother who was apologising to another person because her son had bitten the woman's little girl all while her son was wacking my ds behind her.

[Ninetysixpercent]

The problem with teaching to push back is what happens when they're in a concrete playground? Child A pushes child B, child B cracks head on concrete. Lots of 4/5 yr olds have difficulty controlling their emotions, that's why they need parents/teachers to step in. Also they have no sense of what is 'too much force' and the possible consequences.
OP, you should have stepped in sooner.

[insancerre]

The children who go around pushing and hitting children are usually the ones whose parents use violence and force to manage their children's behaviour.
They don't actually learn that they will get hit back (children don't normally hit or smack their parents back) but they do learn that aggressive behviour is the only way to deal with situations.
So, YABU
What you should have done is to speak to the child who pushed yours and told them that their behaviour was unacceptable.

[insancerre]

you should also have told your child off for pushing
consistency is the answer, children need to hear that violence is always wrong
there is some very starnge parenting on this thread

[Fairenuff]

Where are you when this playing is going on OP? It sounds like a regular thing that happens every time you meet up with these children. Are their parents friends of yours?

If it is at a playgroup, would it not be better to give it a miss if someone is being pushed over 'every 5 seconds' and the other adults are unfriendly towards you?

Presumably your ds will be starting school in September. He will not be allowed to push children over then, or at least, if he does, he will be told not to by staff. Could you start to prepare him for that by telling him to stay away from children who play rough and tell an adult if he has a problem.