To not take teenage DD on holiday to Disneyworld Florida?

[NotSureAboutThat]

I have booked our first ever overseas holiday to Disneyworld Florida in August. It is a major thing for us and we have saved for it for a long time. There will be myself, DH, DD1 (age 20) DS1 (age 18) DD2 (age 17), DS2 (age 9) and DD3 (age 7).

It is costing an absolute fortune but is a trip of a lifetime for us. Due to the cost, we have said to the older DCs that they need to have saved enough money to pay for their food, accommodation and spending money. They all have jobs and still live at home although DS1/DD2 only work part time as they are at college. They earn enough to be able to save enough though.

Yesterday, I had a massive argument with DD2 as she is not saving any money and I told her she is not coming unless she can pay her way. She said fine she won't come then. I was furious at her mouthing off so taking her at her word, I have changed the plane ticket in her name to that of DD1's friend who has said she will be delighted to come and will pay for her ticket so we at least get some money back on it. DH agreed with this as he does not want her to come due to her disgusting attitude in general. She is spiteful and nasty to her siblings and seems to hate all of us!

I have told her that she will have to stay with my sister while we are away as I am worried she will have people around while we're not here.

She could not believe I had actually changed the plane ticket and is quite upset about it today.

WIBU?

[catinbootz]

Could it be changed back? It seems quite spiteful but a eeal's a deal I suppose

[catinbootz]

*deal's

[ilove]

You've changed her ticket? At 17 you wanted her to pay for her own accomodation, meals and spending money?

I am speechless. YABVVVVVVVVU. Bloody hell

[AnyoneForTennis]

Yes I think you were

[ilove]

She's a child!!! There's no way you should have done this! I honestly cannot believe anyone would do this, excellent way to stop her EVER having anything to do with you once she leaves home

[VanitasVanitatum]

As you've now offered it to dd1s friend I don't think you should retract. If she hasn't saved the money she can't go, simple. This might be really good for her, when she sees you will go through with what you say. She was obviously expecting that she could not bother to save and you would pay for it all. Totally unfair on her siblings.

[SuburbanRhonda]

So she's 17, at college so presumably doing A-levels or equivalent, and you're taking the whole family to Florida apart from her because you had an argument?

How much money was she expected to save and how much does she earn when she isn't studying?

[Charlilou490]

You are being very unreasonable. It's no suprise that she 'hates' all of you!

[Hulababy]

I know they are older but it does seem unfair that 2 children get to go to Disneyworld paid for, and 3 have to pay their way. And none have been before so it's not like they've had their free trip before.

I know Disney Florida is expensive but even so...

At 18y I just don't think I could have saved enough. Well, if I had I would have had no form of social life at home In the mean time. That's a big ask.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

You took her at her word. Too late to change it now, and that's bad luck for her. Maybe now she won't be such a spiteful and ungrateful cow in future. Good for you

[mommy2ash]

I think you were unreasonable to ask someone else and change her ticket In the space of 24 hours. how much did you expect her to save up?

[monkeyfacegrace]

Umm. I think you have been vile. Ridiculously harsh on a 17 year old. 17 fgs!

You have to buy her another ticket.

[littlewhitebag]

I also think that is a bit unreasonable. No way would i make a 17 yo pay for their accommodation costs. Fair enough spending money but i think if you want your children to come with you on holiday then you pay flights and accommodation as a minimum up until they have a full time job and are not in education.

[Rebecca2014]

Wow that is so wrong. My mum was in the same boat as you, 4 kids and she paid for our plane tickets but we had to pay for food etc. Yes we did have a little moan but we did save money and we went on the holiday.

How do you know she wasn't saving money or wouldn't have the money in time for the holiday? I think it is horrible you are taking a friend on holiday but leaving your 17 year old daughter out. Well done.

[Merrylegs]

Hmm. She's reaaally gonna hate you now.... (how did you manage to change the name on the ticket? Wouldn't that have cost you even more?)

[Teeb]

Christ, way to give a your daughter middle child syndrome. She obviously feels disposable and an unwanted member of the family now.

[MorrisZapp]

I'm frightened to ask how much it costs, all in, to take five adults and two kids to Disneyland.

Twenty grand? More?

[drudgetrudy]

ooh, that was a bit harsh. You reacted very quickly, could you have given her more warning or met her half way at 17

[ilove]

In fact, what you have done is so awful this HAS to be a reverse...surely no one would really do this?

[HeartShapedBox]

wow.

um, she's 17, quite a lot of people are arses at that age.
she'll grow out of the awful attitude etc

it seems mean to change her ticket, and she'll probably just feel pushed out and all her teenage angst will seem justified from her pov.

[Annunziata]

YABU and very mean.

You will lose your daughter over this.

[Yama]

I suspect that this is something that she may never forgive you for. Am quite rightly so.

[SuburbanRhonda]

Maybe now she won't be such a spiteful and ungrateful cow in future. Good for you

Living up to your NN, there, bitter

[MuttonCadet]

I think that YABU.

[BitOutOfPractice]

I have to say, I think that was very harsh.

We all say stuff like "Fine! Go without me!" in the heat of an argument - well certainly teens do. She didn't mean it though.

How has she reacted to what you've done?