To be so angry at teacher or is this PND gone nuts???? Please help! (Bit long)

(43 Posts)
Hyperhelpmum Sat 28-Jun-14 10:07:04

History: . Earlier in year dc told me a child in his class is nasty to him (petty stuff eg you can't play with us, you aren't cool, I don't like you and also just totally blanking him) A small group seems involved. Awkward part: ring leader is teachers child. DC behaviour changed, crying about going in, angry, upset, quiet. More reports this child said things like ' your mummy doesn't look after you properly etc' Had meeting with staff and they agreed he had been crying in school saying he wanted to go home ( why the f didn't they tell me this??) but felt it was not as bad as he said and he was basically trying to get out of coming in. ( this is a child who has happily been in childcare since 12 months) All Seemed a bit better. This week sh*t hit fan again when another member of group had a few round to his house to play ( his mum also works at school) this is fine in itself but they taunted DC saying they were all going he couldn't as they didn't like him. Unacceptable I think. Met with staff. Told them about this. They admitted to hearing it ( but hadn't bothered to tell me) offered NO solution at all saying DC playing me up again and teacher said if she thought her don was being mean she would be extra tough on him. Also that new boys starting next yr so DC could make friends with them. No suggestion of dealing with current issue at all. Half an hr later was on Facebook and the mum who has the play date updated her status with 'flabbergasted.THAT IS ALL' It was removed 15 mins later. I feel sure sons teacher told this other parent about my conversation and comment was directed at me. I'm livid teacher told other parent/ staff member of my confidential meeting. Awkward beyond belief. Am I paranoid or what???? I feel ganged up on by them as they both work there and now I look like the s*it stirrer �� it's making me sick with worry. I'm suffering from bad post natal anxiety and have not eaten I feel so stressed they all hate me now . Please tell me to man up. I feel I can't cope with this on top of how I feel ( having CBT and on medication) .

fairyfuckwings Sat 28-Jun-14 10:11:42

No iit's not you - it's them.

You've already been in twice so sadly I can't see this situation getting any better. Is there any chance you could move your son? I know you shouldn't have to but that's what I would do.

DoJo Sat 28-Jun-14 10:15:58

OK, it sounds like you are understandably stressed, and I can see exactly why you feel as you do, but there is simply nothing you can do about it at the moment. The teacher may have told this parent what has happened and her response was because she was shocked at her son's behaviour, she may have said nothing and the status was completely benign about something else entirely. Either way, the situation with the other parent pales into insignificance compared to the treatment your son is receiving and from what you've posted here, you are doing everything RIGHT when it comes to that situation.

You've approached the school, made it clear that you aren't happy, asked for an action plan of how they are going to deal with it, and demonstrated that you aren't going to let it go just because there might be a solution in September. That is showing your son that you are fighting in his corner and showing the school that you are engaged, prepared to act, and not going anywhere. All you can do now is make sure your son's self confidence is built up as much as possible when he is at home - take him out, praise him and try not to let the situation at school spill over into his home life too much.

I'm sure someone else will be along with more advice soon, but from what I can see, you're doing a great job!

DrankSangriaInThePark Sat 28-Jun-14 10:17:28

The teacher's son is in her class? Is that allowed?

If this was happening and there wasn't the complication of the teacher also being one of the mothers whose children were involved, I'd be telling you to hotfoot it to the teacher and demand that it be sorted - at least the stuff happening within the class. (Unfortunately, sad though it is, you can't dictate which children are invited to which houses out of school time but the bloody teacher should be doing her best to ensure that when it does happen, and does affect the uninvited child, that the invited kids do not discuss it in a taunting way within school)

That the teacher seems to be involved as well makes it worse. I think you need to take all of your concerns to the head. The teacher sounds extremely unprofessional. Obviously there is nothing you can do about the FB thing, and even if it were still there you wouldn't be able to prove it was about you, but I imagine you are right.

flowers for you and your little one. It sounds awful.

HughJazz Sat 28-Jun-14 10:18:25

No you are not being unreasonable! Totally unacceptable behaviour from the staff. Also think that it is inappropriate that the teacher has her own son in her class. The school should have organised things so she was teaching another year group for the time her child is that age.

As a pp said, I would also be thinking of moving ds to another school. What a horrible situation!

goats Sat 28-Jun-14 10:21:11

Hi there.
How old is ds?

Schools will not tell you about silly spats at school because in the lower end of primary especially it happens all the time. I learned from dds time in school kids can be bloody awful to each other and I hear the I am not your friend all day long when I worked in schools.

That said if its regular like this I would expect them to speak to the boys in school and talk to the class about behaviour and treatment of others.

The teacher should absoloutley not have passed what you said on to another parent, if she has I would complain. It happened to me.

angelohsodelight Sat 28-Jun-14 10:22:21

Get a copy of the schools bullying policy. That firstly will concern then. Ask office staff for it and in my experience they alert senior staff. Then see the head teacher. This is not acceptable. Yanbu. Make a diary of all the events. With just a few weeks until the end of term, find out what class your son will be in next year. Be strong!

I'm afraid I agree with Fairyfuckwings (great name btw!).. with the teacher's child being involved it is very unlikely she will 'be extra tough' and is she has told the other parent in teh way it sounds.. unacceptable.

I would want my child moved out of that class as bullying like that, especially when it's the low level nastiness that slips under the radar is soul destroying for a child ..I know I was that child and was bullied relentlessly in junior school , oddly enough becuase MY mum was ateacher there tho never in my class. My escape came when I moved to a different secondary school, as my Mum never realised how awful it was (not her fault I didn't let on how bad it was).

If you can move him..I would. However firstly I would want a meeting with the head, as the teacher hasn't resolved anything , and take it from there. You are NOT over reacting .

goats Sat 28-Jun-14 10:24:45

Just to add just because it is not physical does not mean it is not bullying.
This is why most schools do not allow teachers children in class with them. Schools with one form entry have swapped teachers to another year to avoid doing so.

clam Sat 28-Jun-14 10:27:36

Go straight to the Head and bypass the class teacher altogether. If nothing else s/he should be made aware that her staff are being unprofessional.

Playthegameout Sat 28-Jun-14 10:32:04

Just to check the fb status said "flabbergasted" but no reference as to why?

There is a chance the teacher and her friend have discussed the issue, but you don't know that for certain. So as guiling as it is I think you've got to let that go.

You're understandably very upset about the treatment your son has received from these boys. If you feel it isn't being dealt with sufficiently it may be time to alert the governing body. I am a teacher, and I have colleagues who have taught their children and when I was at school my mum was my Headteacher. In my experience, teachers tend to be harder on their own children, as not only are they trying to prove there's no favouritism, but also their dc are a representation of themselves at work. That doesn't mean this teacher is beyond reproach, if you feel she isn't handling things effectively ask for a senior member of staff to take over.

wheresthelight Sat 28-Jun-14 10:32:18

I would go straight to the head teacher.

We had this when I was at school although it was the teachers son being bullied and the other kids parents refused to deal with their kids and kicked off at the school claiming favouritism - the other kids were eventually suspended and one was excluded

And yes teachers can teach their own kids - it's not ideal but it's not outlawed

Purplepoodle Sat 28-Jun-14 11:31:02

Ok I get the first part that he is being bullied - not acceptable and right to complain to the school but second part that these kids has a play date then teased your son about not being invited - that is pretty standard reception stuff. I would tell my son to ignore them and why would he want to go if they are nasty. I wouldn't have gone up to the school to complain about that tbh as it huts sounds like your complaing because he didn't get invited to the playdate

If you do not trust the school, then (regardless of whether you are being overly sensitive or not) the working relationship between you and them has broken down and I think it would be reasonable to look for a new school for your DS. Especially as the teacher's child is going to be in your DS's year group/class throughout his time at the school.
If you speak to the LEA and call any alternative schools, you still have time to make visits and plans before the end of the school year.

halamadrid Sat 28-Jun-14 11:45:40

It's not low level stuff, it is bullying and needs sorting out. You need to see the headteacher. Don't go on about the ring leader being the teacher's child just treat the child like any other and tell the head the name of the children bullying your son and that you have had an unsatisfactory response from the teacher.

littlejohnnydory Sat 28-Jun-14 11:48:33

these kids has a play date then teased your son about not being invited - that is pretty standard reception stuff. I would tell my son to ignore them and why would he want to go if they are nasty. I wouldn't have gone up to the school to complain about that tbh as it huts sounds like your complaing because he didn't get invited to the playdate

Sorry, that isn't standard, it is bullying. OP isn't complaining about him not being invited, she is complaining abiout the bullying.

OP, I'd withdraw my child from the school. I definitely wouldn't leave them in a situation where their self-esteem and everyday wellbeing are affected and the school refuse to protect them.

I would take it to the Head, and if no joy, the Governors. You are not overreacting, don't let anyione tell you that you are. Adults wouldn't be expected to deal with this kind of thing in the workplace, and neither should children be expected to at school.

Sillylass79 Sat 28-Jun-14 11:54:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hyperhelpmum Sat 28-Jun-14 12:37:50

Thanks for all your amazing reassurance. You know how it is when you are feeling vulnerable and you doubt your own reaction to things. purplepoodle I don't care about the play date and did reassure my son saying he couldn't go to everybody's house. It was the taunting. It's just so mean. He is only 3 so we are talking preschool here. There is only one class in each yr group and very small classes. Only five boys going up next yr to reception. I think I may have to move him but my other child is there so feel sad about splitting them. I'm seeing head on thurs with bullying policy. Thank you again for making me see I'm not being pathetic.

BalloonSlayer Sat 28-Jun-14 12:43:04

So this isn't school - it's pre-school and they are 3 ???

confused

goats Sat 28-Jun-14 13:56:52

Sadly three year olds can be mean, a basic reminder about playing nicely would be fine.

Its common for children in preschool to be in same room if Mum works there.

Hyperhelpmum Sat 28-Jun-14 15:51:09

Preschool but part of school (private school) so tiny. Everyone plays together at break etc. Preschool dept but they break up today and start reception in sept. They are all 4 some nearly 5. My son not 4 until aug.

Muskey Sat 28-Jun-14 16:10:31

I have a real problem with teachers/TA/LSA teaching their own children. I actually think it is unethical. Either the teacher etc is too hard on their children and it damages the bond between dc and dp or they can not see the wood for the trees and can't see that their dc are being littlr brats. I had a very similar problem in not only was dd being bullied by three girls whose mothers had close connections with the school ie a teacher, a governor and LSA but also the teacher had seen private and confidential information about dd and had discussed it at length with many people in the school. My only advice is go and see ht and keep a record of any unprofessional behaviour by the teacher and keep going back every time it happens. The ht and dd old school got so fed up with me that she wouldn't speak to me and I had to speak to the DH. In fairness the DH could see where I was coming from and resolved the situation. The sad thing was that I had lost so much faith with he school that I had to take dd out.

Nanny0gg Sat 28-Jun-14 17:21:12

You're paying for the privilege?

I'd vote with my feet (and cheque book) if I were you.

Not acceptable.

It also seems perfectly normal in private schools for staff to teach their own children.
Definitely not ideal.

Sidthesausage Sat 28-Jun-14 17:33:25

Bullet point everything that has happened and outcomes
Give it to the head

Mumof3xox Sat 28-Jun-14 17:39:01

You need to take this to the head

This teacher is being unfair and unprofessional

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