Oh fuck. Had a massive argument with ds. Said things I shouldn't. Now I don't know where he is

(132 Posts)
snorkyorky Fri 27-Jun-14 21:52:27

It's pissing down. He doesn't have a coat or a phone. My husband has gone to look for him but he really could be anywhere. What do I actually do? He's 16. Just finished GCSEs

Hurr1cane Fri 27-Jun-14 21:54:37

Just wait for him to cool off. Unless you said something really horrific?

Nanny0gg Fri 27-Jun-14 21:56:00

Know any friends he could have gone to?

longtallsally2 Fri 27-Jun-14 21:56:33

No answers for you but holding your hand a little. Remember that teenagers are programmed to push you to the limit: it's part of the leaving-the-nest process. We would never be able to let them go if they stayed small and snuggly.

Most of us say things that we shouldn't, when pushed. You will have the chance to apologise for what you said, and will have a chance to come back here and plan how to deal with it next time. But for now, don't beat yourself up. Did he take his phone? Can you text him and say you are sorry for reacting as you did?

Hope that they are back soon for you.

snorkyorky Fri 27-Jun-14 21:56:59

I told him to piss off to his dad's. it was a silly argument. My husband worked 12 hours today, got home, heated up the tea I'd left him then ds walked in and took it away and started eating it himself

Etah Fri 27-Jun-14 21:58:47

There wasn't enough foo for everybody?

snorkyorky Fri 27-Jun-14 21:59:28

What a stupid fucking thing to have such a big argument over

nocheeseinhouse Fri 27-Jun-14 22:00:02

Handholding. However, I'd move somewhere else for some support rather than AIBU.

Be kind to yourself, but also remember his brain isn't grown up yet, and so you have to be the grown up when you've both cooled off. He'll be at a mate's.

snorkyorky Fri 27-Jun-14 22:02:24

Yes of course enough food. Teenager decided he wasn't hungry at tea time. He could have heated his up at any time

I've posted this in the wrong place. Sorry

But what do I actually do? Have texted the only friends number I have. He doesn't actually see friends really outside school which is partly why I'm so worried - I just really don't know where he could be and it really is chucking it down

SweetsForMySweet Fri 27-Jun-14 22:02:46

He's probably just leaving his hair down now that the exams are over. Was the argument about him going out tonight? Would he be gone out celebrating with his friends but thought/knew you wouldn't let him go so he caused the fight and left his mobile at home so he could go anyway and you couldn't contact him? Have you called around his friend's houses, tried the local park or hang out places. Does he have money with him? if not he can't be gone too far so he'll be home sooner rather than later. Does he have a girlfriend/boyfriend that he could be out with? He'll calm down eventually and come home.

snorkyorky Fri 27-Jun-14 22:03:26

How do I get this moved? And to where?

missymayhemsmum Fri 27-Jun-14 22:04:37

So has he pissed off to his dad's?
Give him until midnight to calm down, he'll be back home or at a mates.
Try facebook.
Good luck.

Jinsei Fri 27-Jun-14 22:08:56

Have you checked with his dad, OP?

SweetsForMySweet Fri 27-Jun-14 22:09:42

Sorry op, I just saw the update. Have you contacted his dad in case he shows up there? Have you other family/friends nearby that he might have gone to?We all say things in the heat of the moment, I'm sure you ds knows you didn't mean it, you were just letting off steam. He'll be home before you know it

londonrach Fri 27-Jun-14 22:10:40

(Holding your hand)

longtallsally2 Fri 27-Jun-14 22:10:43

Just click on report, and ask MNHQ to move this to the "Teenagers" section.

Has he got his phone with him? Does he have money? (Is there a chip shop/Macdonalds nearby?)

snorkyorky Fri 27-Jun-14 22:14:40

He doesn't have a phone. Or rather he never charges it or has credit. His dad lives 2 hours away by public transport

AlpacaYourThings Fri 27-Jun-14 22:16:48

<hand holding>

If its by public transport have you tried looking at the bs stops/train stations he would use to get there?

snorkyorky Fri 27-Jun-14 22:17:54

How do you mean 'looking at them' alpaca?

snorkyorky Fri 27-Jun-14 22:21:31

He's a lovely lad really he's just very lazy. Spends literally hours watching films on the computer and doing the very barest minimum round the house. Doesn't really go out to see friends. I remarried, met DH when ds was 7. We now have a nearly 4yo and a 10mo. Ds hates dc2, really hates. Dc2 is totally normal for age and all that that means. It's difficult giving all 3 of them my time but I work hard at being a good mum to them all

hugoagogo Fri 27-Jun-14 22:22:42

I think she means going in the car and seeing if he's waiting at the bus stop.

I hope he's home soon.

My ds is not much younger than yours and I know what a challenge it can be.

AlpacaYourThings Fri 27-Jun-14 22:23:38

Sorry, I meant looking for him at them...

snorkyorky Fri 27-Jun-14 22:26:33

Thank you for the replies.

I don't have a car (live in a city) and I'm still breastfeeding baby so don't feel as though I can just go looking. Don't feel that I can contact his dad as I have very little to do with him. Quite frankly he's been waiting for me to fail for years and don't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing it

PorkPieandPickle Fri 27-Jun-14 22:31:01

Would your husband go look for him at bus stop etc? Could you afford him a taxi if he doesn't drive?

I'm sure he will be fine. I remember waltzing off like this as a teenager and coming back wet and apologetic.

Charlie97 Fri 27-Jun-14 22:31:54

He will be home once he has 'punished' you enough! No harm will come to him.

Still horrid for you so thanks

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