To think I'm not a bad person for rehoming my dog?

(63 Posts)
Livvylongpants Fri 27-Jun-14 07:49:33

At playgroup yesterday I was sat with a group of mums I don't know that well, we were discussing our pets when one of the mums mentioned that x had rehomed her dog when she had her baby and they all agreed it was 'disgusting' that people get rid of pets when children came along at that pet and children should just be trained to leave each other alone.

I didn't mention at the time that our border collie went to a foster home last week, we got her 5 years ago pre children, she's always shown to be good with children, we had our daughter 3 years ago and she was fine.

Fast forward 2 years to when the birth of our second child coincided with my daughter turning 2, dog started showing her teeth at our daughter and snapping, she was barking constantly at the baby crying and even our vet said she seems down and it just became apparent that she wasn't coping with a family household.

We tried everything, spent a fortune on training and a dog walker to walk her an extra hour a day but nothing worked so 9 months later she is in foster care (her foster Carer plans to keep her, she has years of experience and works as a dog walker, from her updates our dog is sooo happy)

Am I being unreasonable to think that in some circumstances it's not just a case of getting rid of your dog because you've had a baby.

JenniferJo Fri 27-Jun-14 07:51:25

YANBU - everyone was unhappy, including the dog.

londonrach Fri 27-Jun-14 07:51:36

Yanbu. You can't take the risk. Your dog sounds like she will be happier in a home without children.

Sirzy Fri 27-Jun-14 07:53:33

Yanbu sounds like you tried everything

musicposy Fri 27-Jun-14 07:57:20

You've found the dog a good home and it sounds as though everyone, dog included, is happier, so I don't think you need to feel guilty.

However, some people do get rid of their dog on a whim as though it is disposable, sell it on gumtree to the first person that turns up to breed or fight it or get it put down. I don't have words for those people that I could repeat on here.

Livvylongpants Fri 27-Jun-14 07:58:45

Thanks, we tried what we would and I've cried every day since she left as I miss her but I couldn't take that risk with my daughter, if she did bite she may well have become classed as a dangerous dog and put down, I didn't think it was fair to keep her in a Place where that could be a possibility.

casparthecat Fri 27-Jun-14 08:00:33

YANBU

It sounds like you did your very best to help her but it didn't work. It must be very unsettling for a dog to have two toddlers in the family when there were previously none.

Our cat came from a house with a toddler and a kitten and he was very unhappy too. As a consequence, he has a tendency to bite but I'm working on him and he has improved dramatically. I think he is a lot happier here.

Something that has struck me in the last couple of years is how judgemental people can be when very often they don't know the full facts. I'm very guarded about what I tell people these days and don't share information freely. I think you were right to keep quiet. Even if you tried to defend the other person that group probably wouldn't 'get it'. People can very narrow minded.

Glad to hear that you have a happy ex-doggy now! smile

Livvylongpants Fri 27-Jun-14 08:00:48

Musicposy getting rid of them on preloved etc makes me so sad, you see ones going 'must be gone today' no thought on if the home is right etc sad

We contacted a specialist border collie rescue to ensure the home she got was perfect and experienced, I met the lady and there is a special Facebook page where she uploads photos and updates to so I can keep up to date with her

domoarigato Fri 27-Jun-14 08:06:43

Don't feel guilty. We gave our dog to my folks and we see him loads. He is so happy which is awesome to see. He's found a kindred spirit in my dad. It was the best decision and we don't regret it. I wouldn't have let him go though if a family member hadn't have offered to be fair though.

almosthuman Fri 27-Jun-14 08:13:06

In your circumstances you made the right decision. The safety of your family is paramount.

I have a friend who I have known for 8 years who has sold 5 dogs after having them for no more than a year as well as selling three parrots after she had them for two years.

My friend has said that the reason for this is due to work commitments however she works from home. I swear that after they get through the cute puppy stage she gets bored and she get rid.

My friend currently has two dogs which are coming up to a year old and she is currently selling her latest parrot.

ConcreteElephant Fri 27-Jun-14 08:19:13

Don't feel bad. You tried to make it work but ultimately did the right thing for your dog's safety and happiness - and that's as it should be. It would be selfish to do otherwise.

Our cats were 9 when DD came along and it was quite a shock for them, the suddenly quite noisy house. Then DS came along 2 years later. It's been an adjustment for them and I have been very indulgent of them to make them as comfy and happy as possible. Keeping the children away from them if necessary, opening up rooms previously out of bounds so that they would have somewhere quiet to go. It's all settled down now quite happily and the children are learning lots about being gentle and calm around animals, and treating them kindly. Had it not worked out I would have found them somewhere quieter to live, though it would have broken my heart to do so.

I'm sorry you had to do this, I hope it helps you to know that your dog is happier.

frankie001 Fri 27-Jun-14 08:31:13

Almost, that is awful. Rehoming a pet once is a tough decision but needs to be done sometimes. Multiple times is just selfish. Her poor animals.

frankie001 Fri 27-Jun-14 08:33:03

And OP, I also think you have done the right thing

TheLovelyBoots Fri 27-Jun-14 08:34:46

Ultimately a dog has to fit into a family. If it doesn't, it has to go. YANBU. Ditch these ladies.

Mrsjayy Fri 27-Jun-14 08:40:25

Yanbu the dog wasnt happy you didnt want your children growled at you did the right thing I have a rescued collie the people who gave him up did it for the exact same thing,

AmberLav Fri 27-Jun-14 08:51:11

You did the right thing with your dog, however hard it was...

On the group of mums, judgemental people get my back up! I always feel the need to point out that there are many other sides to a story, and I am particularly happy if I have a personal story that shoots their judgement down in flames. But you also never know, some of the mums in the group could have been going along with mum who started the conversation as they didn't want to stand out...

SquigglySquid Fri 27-Jun-14 08:59:44

We had to get rid of our dog before our baby was born because of the baby. It was hard, but ultimately the best decision for both us and the dog. The reason people typically get rid of a dog with a baby is because they have a dog that they got for their current lifestyle with no kids even if they got it as a puppy. When you have a child it can be stressful for a dog, and not all animals cope. It's great to train them and all, but when you have a baby it can be too much to train a dog and adjust to a new baby on top of that.

Mrsjayy Fri 27-Jun-14 09:01:48

Collies are apparently creatures of habit they like routine and cant cope v well with change very well our vet told us you did your dog a favour really

Joysmum Fri 27-Jun-14 09:10:48

I take on rescue animals and I'd rather see an animal rehomed than in the wrong home. People don't think and just tend to go off on one!

If it weren't for people not being right for our animals we'd never got to have had them and they may well have had a less happy life. How's that fair to the animal?

WooWooOwl Fri 27-Jun-14 10:10:20

YANBU because you tried to get the dog to be happy and accepting of your children, but it didn't work. If you hadn't put in the time, effort and money needed to try and make it work, then I think you would have been unreasonable, because you committed to doing those things when you got a dog and then chose to have children.

But sometimes things just don't work even with the best will in the world, so it sounds like you made the right decision for the dog.

Stinkle Fri 27-Jun-14 10:24:47

YANBU.

A friend rehomed her elderly cat a few months ago and she got an enormous amount of stick for it

She'd had the cat from a kitten when she first moved out of her parents home, 18 years and 2 children later, the cat was struggling to cope in a busy family home with all the comings and goings and noise that children bring and had started to bite and scratch and had totally withdrawn. Friend tried all sorts of things! but eventually found cat a fab home with an older retired lady whose kids have all left home and the cat now seems to have got a second wind.

But the judgers don't see that it was the best thing for the cat and the cat is now much happier, they just like to beat her with the 'you rehomed your pet' stick and make stupid comments like "you should have thought about that before you had kids" - the kids are now 15 and 12

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Fri 27-Jun-14 10:39:09

There was a thread a while ago which was something what would you like to say on MN that you feel you can't. My answer was that it's a not a crime to rehome your dog when you're struggling. I'm so glad I'm going to be able to write that on a real thread.

You do sound as though you've tried hard and it's a shame but ultimately your child's safety has come above your commitment to your dog. I'm sure the dog will be happier too in the long run. Dogs shouldn't be rehomed on a whim but if you're struggling to all live together it's sometimes the best solution.

PumpkinPie2013 Fri 27-Jun-14 10:51:53

YANBU

You tried to solve the issue but unfortunately your dog wasn't happy with the addition of children. Some dogs are, some aren't.

Rather than do what a lot of people do and wait for a serious incident to happen you carefully chose a suitable new home for the dog where it can be happy.

LongTimeLurking Fri 27-Jun-14 10:57:55

YANBU as in your case you tried every other option possible with no success.

However there are too many feckless pet owners out there who get a puppy/kitten/whatever and then only months later are looking to offload it for some reason - A new baby or new job often top of the list of excuses for those that can't be arsed anymore.

DoomDeer Fri 27-Jun-14 11:10:07

You did the right thing, in my opinion. You found a good home for your dog, you tried your best with training and it didn't work out.

The fact you tried to work with the dog puts you in an entirely different position than those who get rid of there dogs with out trying.

I had 2 rescue dogs, 1 from an abusive background and 1 from a home where they had got him on a whim and hadn't realised the responsibilities. When I had DD the abused dog wasn't coping, she snarled and beared teeth and no amount of training was helping, I eventually rehomed her with my parents, she's a completely different dog around DD now, I think she needed to be taken away from the hectic environment it wasn't good for her.

Basically, what I'm saying is I've been there, you'll feel guilty until you realise how much happier in your dog will be now its out of an environment it found uncomfortable.

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