To have not waited any longer for friend?

(32 Posts)
weatherall Thu 26-Jun-14 11:30:18

A friend wanted to meet up with our DCs.

We used to live a few mins walk from each other so used to meet for convenience as we took DCs to same park/cafe.

We have moved and are now a 15 min drive away. We are broke and paying for unecessary petrol is something I'm trying to avoid. She has a car and a licence but refuses to drive.

We arranged to meet after school near hers. This was a pita for me as I had to drive to dc's school (instead of her getting the free bus home) then to the park, then home which cost me a few £ in petrol.

Once I was driving she text me to change plans from park to soft play 'because of the weather'. It was 17c and cloudy. I said no because I didn't have money for sp and the weather was fine for park. She said it was raining where she was. I arrived at the park and texted to say we'd arrived. She texted back to say she'd be there in half an hour.

I was annoyed at this point as I felt that I didn't want to wait in the park for half an hour then stand for another half hour while they played.

But we waited. There was a few drops of rain but it was fine. We both didn't have jackets but weren't cold. There were others kids in park.

40 mins later she texts to say she has just given her DCs lunch and they are about to leave! I am so pissed off! She knew we were standing in the rain waiting for her, having changed all our plans for her convenience then she leisurely fed her DCs knowing she was keeping us waiting and that she was already almost an hour late!

She said she would be there soon. But by this time my DC had been playing for 45 mins, had been on all the swings etc and now needed the toilet. I also had older DC at home waiting for us.

So I just left.

Cue the phone constantly ringing whilst I was driving, which was very distracting.

I'd wasted money and a whole afternoon.

She sent a couple of texts but didn't apologise.

I suppose it was a little childish of me to storm off but really was ibu?

KnackeredMuchly Thu 26-Jun-14 11:32:44

Yes, ywbu to just leave and not say you were going.

BrianTheMole Thu 26-Jun-14 11:34:43

Well it was rude of her, but you should have txt to say you were going. Even if she was rude.

wonderingsoul Thu 26-Jun-14 11:35:33

You could have texted her saying you where leaving now you'd been there an hour n it just started raining.

mommy2ash Thu 26-Jun-14 11:35:38

you can't really complain about standing in the park in the rain when you disagreed with her about the fact that it was raining.

she shouldn't have went home to feed her kids if you were going to the park she should have had a picnic ready or something.

Whatisaweekend Thu 26-Jun-14 11:35:44

I would not be arranging anything else with this friend. She is incredibly rude and self centred. I mean who feeds their children lunch whilst knowing you are standing around waiting for them?? And she had it all arranged to suit her. Either she is flakey and disorganised or is one of those people who think the world revolves around them. Either way, I wouldn't waste any more time.

SarcyMare Thu 26-Jun-14 11:37:57

she did tell you it was raining and suggested an indoor venu. You were forcing her into a plan she didn't want just because it was the old plan made before the rain started.

so you were both in the wrong.
When she phoned to say she would be late (the call about feeding lunch) then was the point to explain you would be off soon as your kids were getting bored now.

Whatisaweekend Thu 26-Jun-14 11:39:24

Sorry posted too soon. So I don't think you were being unreasonable at all to go but I would have sent her a text telling her why. "We have now been here for nearly an hour and the children have finished playing and are getting fed up. I drove all the way here as you refuse to drive so it is convenient for you but you don't have the good manners to attempt to meet us on time. We are going home".

weatherall Thu 26-Jun-14 11:39:45

Oh sorry for the misunderstanding. I did text to say we were leaving. I said DC needed toilet and other DC was waiting at home so we couldn't wait any longer.

Then got in car and drove off.

She was prob still at home or very close.

HumphreyCobbler Thu 26-Jun-14 11:40:39

I don't think they were both in the wrong. I think the friend was bloody rude. How dare she keep people waiting like that? And surely she could be a bit more sensitive about the money issues of soft play?

Whatisaweekend Thu 26-Jun-14 11:41:57

"A few drops of rain" is what the OP found at the park. Good grief how lily-livered to run for soft play at the merest hint of rain. Soft play is expensive too.

weatherall Thu 26-Jun-14 11:45:53

She could have got the bus to the park near me where it wasn't raining!
It was a very localised light drizzle. She is not from the UK and is always moaning about British weather. Ime she is more rain adverse than most people.

If she was that desperate to go to a sp she could have offered to pay for DC (it's a very cheap one so only £3.50:/4) but she didn't. So I'm out of pocket for the petrol for nothing.

Celticchick10 Thu 26-Jun-14 11:47:05

You texted saying you where leaving so you are not beig unreasonable at all.
Also you certainly did not force friend into going to the park. Did you hold a gun to her head- no you didn't. Being broke is a totally good reason. It was her who tried to force you into doing something you had to pay for even though youare broke
Unless they have been completely stony broke people will never understand why you "can't just spare a couple of quid" for soft play. That's was being totally broke is, you cannot even spare 50p
And the fact she has a car but refuses ever to drive so you have to and the fact she knew you where stood there waiting- a toxic friend I think- get rid.

Next time make sure the meet up is on your terms. She sounds like a selfish pita

MrsWinnibago Thu 26-Jun-14 12:26:06

YANBU. it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

weatherall Thu 26-Jun-14 12:27:02

You know, this makes me realise that this is just the tip of the iceberg and she has been doing things that piss me off for years.

This is my route out I suppose.

I don't have to feel guilty for not wanting to meet her again.

I don't even know why I call her a friend. I find her company draining. I'm past the park/cafe baby stage. I want friends I meet in the evenings or weekends without the DCs. To relax, to chat, to have a glass of wine.

Maybe it's a bit of a cultural clash too. All her other mummy friends have gone back to work. I think she's lonely now her DCs are at school. I'll feel bad for 'dumping' her but we actually don't have anything in common apart from similar aged DC.

goats Thu 26-Jun-14 12:33:44

I have a friend like this. I love her to bits but I refuse to meet up with her anymore unless she comes over to mine or I am going to hers.

She used to often arrange to meet me at say 10am then i would call her an hour later and she would not even be dressed.

We once arranged to meet at a childrens venue and she asked me to meet her at the entrance but turned up five HOURS late. We had waited an hour at entrance.

pluCaChange Thu 26-Jun-14 12:59:12

I think you were clear and assertive at every stage, and it sounds as though you were polite, too, so you were very reasonable! She, on the other hand, was insensitive to your financial situation, knowingly made you wait, and now is having a go at you for behaving properly in the face of her rudeness?!

Freckletoes Thu 26-Jun-14 13:11:33

Am I the only one that is confused that you met after school but she texted to say she had given her DCs lunch? I could understand if you said dinner, but lunch is at lunchtime which is usually during the school day? confused

Loletta Thu 26-Jun-14 13:12:16

I reckon her DCs were hungry and she was Planning to feed them at the soft play. When you said no, she went home to feed them and kept you waiting. She probably thought you didn't mind to wait at the park if your DCs were playing.
But:
- why did you arrange to meet up with someone who gets on your tits so much?
- how can you expect her to offer to pay for the soft play unless she's psychic of course
Tbh, you are making a huge bigs deal out of this and no, you haven't been out of pocket unless 50p which is what petrol must have cost you is what you consider a financial loss hmm

quietbatperson Thu 26-Jun-14 13:45:01

If the OP is stony broke, the petrol is too much to spend.

YANBU OP, if this really is the tip of the iceberg the it's a good time to back away and cool things off.

Vintagejazz Thu 26-Jun-14 14:15:37

YANBU and your friend sounds very self centred. You had to drive over to her home town and then she kept you waiting 40 minutes to get to her own local park.

I wouldn't be arranging to meet her again unless I got a decent apology and an agreement to make mutually suitable arrangements in future.

What did her texts to you say? Was she pissed off?

pictish Thu 26-Jun-14 14:39:11

Yanbu. I cannot bear those who think their time is more precious than that of other people.

She obviously felt you had nothing better to do than stand about waiting for her until such a time as she would deign to grace you with her presence.

She'd have got a short shrift from me as well.

BrianTheMole Thu 26-Jun-14 17:38:36

Oh well, if you told her then yanbu. She was really rude.

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