To ask how long it's reasonable to leave my neighbour to sob in the garden before asking her if she's ok?

(25 Posts)
MrsWinnibago Wed 25-Jun-14 22:29:35

I don'[t know her. We've only lived here for three months. It's the DD of the house...she appears to be about 20 at most...maybe younger and for the last 20 minutes she's been crying and sobbing hysterically into her phone.... can't make out what she's saying but it's loud and obviously her family haven't come out or aren't in.

Trampampoline Wed 25-Jun-14 22:30:39

now, go now.

if she doesn't want you she can tell you.

BOFster Wed 25-Jun-14 22:31:39

Hmm, it's probably best to leave it really. She will have gone outside for privacy, I assume.

FrontForward Wed 25-Jun-14 22:31:39

I would say something, just show your face sympathetically and say are you ok, can I help? without appearing to force yourself into her situation.

If she looks embarrassed or upset to see you, you can just smile and back off

BOFster Wed 25-Jun-14 22:32:51

Plus, if she's on her phone, she's in the middle of a conversation with someone, isn't she?

MrsBungle Wed 25-Jun-14 22:33:06

I think I'd have to go out and just see if she's ok.

MrsChickPea Wed 25-Jun-14 22:33:29

Please ask her. She'll probably ignore you or tell you to go away. But she might need you...

MrsWinnibago Wed 25-Jun-14 22:34:41

Bof but this area is riddled with flats and houses...her garden and mine are totally overlooked. She's feet from various windows....nobody could miss her. It's a busy, crowded street and the back gardens are all on top of one another.

MrsWinnibago Wed 25-Jun-14 22:35:29

I will give it 5 minutes and then go out. I'll just ask "Are you alright?" incase it's some kind of domestic disaster.

Just ask. It's probably a very dramatic boyfriend issue and family are used to it but, maybe it isn't? I'd just pop my head out and say are you ok love.

mousmous Wed 25-Jun-14 22:36:55

go now, hand her a pack of tissues.
just ask if she wants to talk, if she does listen.

DoJo Wed 25-Jun-14 22:38:38

I'd wait until she's off the phone at least - if her family hasn't come out, then perhaps it's just something that she needs to deal with on her own for a while. Is the conversation shouty and angry or could she be talking to someone who is breaking bad news? Either way, I think maybe see how she is when she gets off the phone if she doesn't go straight back in or if nobody comes out to her.

Moodykat Wed 25-Jun-14 22:45:21

If I were her, I would always rather someone check if I was ok. It's a kind thing to do.

Moodykat Wed 25-Jun-14 22:48:49

<missed actual question and point> Now! Ask now!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Wed 25-Jun-14 22:49:48

(assuming you're on MN because you are a parent, I know not everyone is...) ask yourself what you'd want someone to do for your DCs in the future...

APlaceInTheSummer Wed 25-Jun-14 22:58:21

I'd ask if she was ok. I think over 20 minutes is long enough to leave someone who is upset.
I remember when my ddad was seriously ill, we were all called back to the hospital and I was sitting crying on the train. Not one person asked if I was ok. Not even the ticket inspector who stood waiting for me to pay for my ticket. I'd have really welcomed someone speaking to me.

TiredFeet Wed 25-Jun-14 23:07:15

Go and check. I have always remembered the kindness of strangers who have checked if they could do anything on the couple of occassions when I was very upset (in public)

So long as you don't try and convert her to Christianity as an immediate follow-up to "Are you OK", you will be fine.

I say this because the one and only time I've been visibly upset in public a lovely (and handsome) young man did exactly that. Which was odd.

allisgood1 Wed 25-Jun-14 23:16:22

If it was my DD I would want you to ask.

NellyTheEfalump Wed 25-Jun-14 23:19:19

Ask if you can. She might be on the phone, or it might be nothing. But there is definitely no harm in asking

RedPony Wed 25-Jun-14 23:30:15

Did you go out in then end? I hope she is ok now

TheReluctantCountess Wed 25-Jun-14 23:36:11

It can't hurt to ask.

londonrach Thu 26-Jun-14 06:55:53

Was she ok

Musicaltheatremum Thu 26-Jun-14 06:58:54

My daughter sat crying hysterically at gatwick airport departure lounge and no one came to see her. I'd just phoned her to tell her her dad had taken a turn for the worse and she needed to come home. She was 18. She still thinks it was awful no one came. Hope she's ok.

Delphiniumsblue Thu 26-Jun-14 07:01:57

I think it best to just ask if she is OK. Did you? and if so was she?

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