To want to tell my friend to please - shut the fuck up??

(24 Posts)
heraldgerald Tue 24-Jun-14 20:59:05

I would always ask this and expect to be asked! Unless you think she's being a cow deliberately I think yabu.

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout Tue 24-Jun-14 20:47:53

Tell her to mind her own business. Ou have the rght to a private life. It says so in the E.C.H.R, meaning ur at no obligation to tell anyone anything.
I was asked a question a few years back that for m own reasons I didn't want to answer. I just looked through her, yes I could see she was embarassed but serves her right for not keeping her snout out. X

tobysmum77 Tue 24-Jun-14 19:47:20

so are you seeing anyone? seriously yanbu imo

ApocalypseNowt Tue 24-Jun-14 19:23:02

I see your point susiedaisy. smile

To be fair the op didn't say how close a friend and if this is the only question this person regularly asks (or is it in with work/family/whatever).

I find "I don't want to tell you" works quite well with nosy people wink

susiedaisy Tue 24-Jun-14 18:38:06

Apocalypse grin

What I meant was I chat to my close friends and family all the time if I had meet someone they'd be the first people I would mention it to. Neighbours, acquaintances, some work colleagues, people who I don't see that often or who I'm not particularly close to, they are the people I resent repeatedly asking me that question when they see me because for the most part they don't actually care much how you're doing they are just being nosey. This is IMO

Sicaq Tue 24-Jun-14 09:46:13

I never like this question - it implies that they feel you are lacking. And I didn't see it as my responsibility to provide vicarious entertainment for married friends half of whom are having affairs anyway

Similarly annoying when I was unemployed was "Found a job yet?" SURE, I'm head of the Bank of England now! Didn't I tell you?

VSeth Tue 24-Jun-14 09:45:02

It depends on how you know this friend tbh. If you were single girls together in the past then I guess I lot of your conversations were about guys, potential dates, current relationships?

I think it's just part of a catch up chat, like asking about a boyfriend, family etc

Wolfiefan Tue 24-Jun-14 09:18:34

Enthuse about your wonderful new vibrator and how you have no need for a partner ever again.
Problem solved. She will NEVER ask again!

Anonynony Tue 24-Jun-14 09:16:47

notnew, I suppose I didn't think of that. When I was just finished school one of the girls I had been really close to started EVERY text with "have you got a fella?" Oh God at that stage I don't think I'd ever been on a proper date, let alone "had a fella", it actually enraged me that she found that so important but never asked about the interesting work or travel I was doing!

Point taken! But I still maintain, it's quite normal chat among friends but a bit annoying if there's never anything to report.

ApocalypseNowt Tue 24-Jun-14 08:34:29

Good friends and family know if you've started seeing someone they don't need to ask.

How do they know though? Do they follow you about? Wait for the weekly newsletter? Psychic vibes?

I like it when my friends ask about my life.....I'd feel a bit put out if they never asked any questions.

NumberOneFan Tue 24-Jun-14 08:29:09

The next time you are arranging to meet up, whether it be by text or phone, I would just say/write "oh, and before you ask...yes I AM still single!" And maybe she'll get the hint that it annoys you.

I used to have a friend that would constantly ask "Any luck this month?" when I was having difficulties ttc. Used to piss me off no end.

Vinomcstephens Tue 24-Jun-14 08:28:23

Damnation...."one asks ONE'S friends" not knew.....

Vinomcstephens Tue 24-Jun-14 08:27:46

Surely this is a non issue - she's your friend, right? So next time you see her and she asks about boyfriends, just tell her there's no-one on the scene and it's getting reeeeeally wearing every time she asks. I highly doubt she cares one way or the other, it's just a standard question one asks knew friends!

Ask her not to keep asking you and voila, problem solved smile

NotNewButNameChanged Tue 24-Jun-14 08:26:33

I think to ask it every time they see you is rather crass and I quite understand why it would piss you off. It pisses me off (single 4 years). Because, you know, if they are your friend and you are now seeing someone, you're likely to volunteer this big major news to them anyway.

I had a friend who did this. Kept asking me. Always trotted out the "well, being single is fabulous" line and "I loved being single and doing what I wanted when I wanted to". So I threw it back at her and asked her when she was leaving her husband to go back to the single life if it was so good. She hasn't asked me about whether I am seeing anyone yet since.

Anonymony that's great for you that you have so much dating and flirting news to tell your friends. But do they ask or do you volunteer it? Please remember a lot of people can go years without so much as a date or a flirt and for those people, constantly being asked that question can get you down.

susiedaisy Tue 24-Jun-14 08:22:40

Good friends and family know if you've started seeing someone they don't need to ask. For everyone else it's just being nosey. Yanbu

Cardinal Tue 24-Jun-14 08:19:12

Can you say 'for future reference, you don't have to keep asking, I will tell you when something changes.'?

mytwoblackandwhitecats Tue 24-Jun-14 08:17:46

No one asks me grin Perhaps they assume I'm just definitely not seeing anyone!

Anonynony Tue 24-Jun-14 08:16:00

What's wrong with them asking?
I'm the only single one out of all my friends and they LOVE hearing all my disaster dates, the maybe start of somethings, flirty bits and pieces.

It's such natural friend talk?!

I have a friend whose first question every time we speak is, "How's the love life?" The answer is always "Nonexistent!" but it does get a bit wearing at times'

Tryharder Tue 24-Jun-14 07:02:59

YABVU. I think it's a perfectly natural question to ask a friend if you know they are single and looking for a relationship.

What's wrong with answering 'no'? My married friends used to love me when I was single with my war stories of boyfriend woes, dodgy dates and shagging escapades whilst the highlight of their week had been watching Corrie.

If you think she is asking to be nasty or rub your face in it, then review the friendship.

kickassangel Tue 24-Jun-14 04:44:53

I think it's time to start making up stories. Juicy gossipy ones with lots of 3 way lesbian sex in.

PresidentTwonk Tue 24-Jun-14 04:05:11

Every time she asks say "nope, has John* dumped you yet?" *change John to the name of her partner wink

Why does it matter if you're single/married/other! You wouldn't be a better friend to her if you were seeing someone, it wouldn't benefit her in any way presumably? People are very bizarre!

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 24-Jun-14 00:35:12

OP YANBU. I was single for 4.5 years and that question sucks. It is almost as if they consider you abnormal or a failure because you aren't in a romantic relationship.

odowdandproud Tue 24-Jun-14 00:28:56

Ok I'm probably definitely being unreasonable but -

Every time I see my friend she always asks if I'm seeing someone. I have been single for over a year (yes I'd like to be with someone BUT I don't complain to anyone that I'm not)

Elderly relatives asking me is one thing and almost expected but I get so fucked off with being asked this same question by my friend each time I see her. If I was seeing someone then surely I would have mentioned it?

Is there a more polite way of saying please shut the fuck up and not ask me that question again?

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