ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
Or is 'D'H?(16 Posts)
Hi there AIBU, this is my first post so be kind. First I would like to thank you all for helping me through a really tough patch since I've been signed off work with depression, I've enjoyed reading through the AIBU treads each day its helped me stay on the straight and narrow. Now for my AIBU; Earlier I sent my DH an e-mail about getting tickets for something he wanted cheaper( A weekend away Just him) He replied - wished you'd have sent me that link sooner after a while I replied 'so you've bought you're ticket then?' He replied 'yep'. I have never said I don't want him to go, I just think he should've let me know he'd decided to buy the ticket instead of me finding out by accident. After me having it out with him he's now disappeared out. We have two children 16 and 11 and they don't like it when we disagree. I have also been signed off work since Easter for MH issues. AIBU to think he should've told me he'd booked the tickets to go away for the weekend or not (BTW it's our anniversary weekend 11yrs last year being a really tough one) If you've got this far thank you!! xx
If you knew he was intending on going then yes, you are been vu. I wouldn't call that finding out by accident, you knew the trip was planned and what it entailed, just not that he had finalised the details.
Unless it's something very very special then I don't think he should miss your anniversary unless you insisted it wasn't a problem.
You're saying you've never said you don't want him to go but your attitude states otherwise.
Did you paraphrase his reply or this is the excact reply?
It sounds a bit rude to me. No 'thank you darling for finding this for me...'?
It's not the fact that he's going that I'm annoyed about as he's been I'm going/I'm not going for a while now - and to the point where I found a cheaper place to get a ticket. The problem I have is that he'd already booked a ticket without saying "Oh that thing I was THINKING about going to - I'm going to go to". The fact that it's our anniversary weekend is kind of second to that.
Exact reply - not paraphrasing xx
Exact reply - not paraphrasing xx
He sounds very rude and ungrateful in his reply, and I would have found that hurtful having tried to be helpful.
And yes, he should have told you before he booked that he had made up his mind (assuming you would do the same if you were off for a weekend).
In fact, how about booking yourself a nice weekend somewhere and telling him after the fact?
Are you going to do anything nice for your anniversary on another date?
No I haven't booked anything (as DS (11) will be here and DD (16) will probably be at her boyfriends). I actually gave him that scenario and he didn't understand what I was getting at. I have been off work since Easter with depression and he should really understand my feelings ect. Like I said I don't mind him going it's the fact that he's going to to go (with other members of his band) and I have to accept it. I just think he should've told me he had booked tickets before I had to assume he had.
I don't know if this is the way you speak to each other but i find both his replies rude. I know he might have been busy but ...'yep'? It doesnt take long to add a 'tnx' (ues even in text speaking) and a 'xx'.
You dont seem taken aback so maybe you are used to br spoken like this?
But maybe its me being over the top here i don't mean to upset you more op as you are already upset and depressed, maybe thats how you both speak.
Can you go somewhere with your ds? Im sure some posters will give you nice idess for a lovely weekend?
You knew he was planning on going, I don't think it's worth making a big deal about tbh.
Yes he should have told you when he booked, but the fact that he didn't surely doesn't matter that much. It sometimes taken me a coupe, of days to get round to telling DH that I've confirmed plans that I've been making, and vice versa. We don't have to answer to each other so it's not an issue in a relationship where there's mutual trust and respect.
OK soI've just walked up the pub and he's not there, he's not taken his phone so can't call him. I hate this he always turns things around so it's my fault and not his grrrrr I guess I've just got to take the dogs out then shut the door and hope he comes home!
He's still not come home. I'm worried now and trying not to panic. Shall I just go to bed and leave the foot shut but not locked? xx
I've just realised he's taken his 'old' phone out with him. Now I'm thinking alsorts. I've emailed him with no reply!! He's got previous for running off am I overreacting or should I be worried? xx
Go to bed and get some sleep.
Make sure door is secure esp as you have dc in the house. He can knock if need be- not the end if the world. He will be back at some point.
IMO, yes he should have mentioned that he had booked the event already. But you knew he was intending to go so its not a big thing really. The bigger question is why is he choosing to go somewhere without on your anniversary? But this will not be answered tonight.
Get some sleep and talk it out tomorrow.
So he arranges weekends away without discussing childcare with you, took his old phone out so you cant contact him easily and has form for disappearing when he doesnt get his own way?
Sounds like a charmer. What do you get from this relationship apart from MH issues (which I suspect would disappear as soon as he does)?
I would say that when he previously mentioned the trip to you (was / was not going etc...) that was your opportunity to raise any objections about childcare, it being your anniversary weekend etc... The fact that he mooted it as a possibility, and you didn't mention any of your objections, kind of implies that you're happy for him to go. At least, that's how it works in our household . Thing is, he's not a mind reader, so unless you tell him you weren't happy with the date, how is he to know...?
That said, having a strop about it, is a tad childish, so I don't think YABU there.
I also wouldn't read anything into the text either, but then my texts are always short and to the point. That would be the sort of thing I would text, or DH would to me. Texting is often perfunctory and often without the niceties, so I personally wouldn't read anything into that.
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