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AIBU?

My son was in a car accident today

57 replies

LuisSuarezTeeth · 17/06/2014 21:54

His father, 8 weeks ago, told him by email that he did not intend to see him any more.

DS was not hurt, but very shaken up. I sent a text to his father and 2 hours later the reply was "Glad he's ok. Thanks for letting me know."

AIBU to think he should have contacted DS?
AIBU to think he's a cock?
AIBU to ask why the hell he is not interested in his child's welfare?

Yes, huge backstory

Sorry.

But really, what kind of father does that???

OP posts:

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mineofuselessinformation · 17/06/2014 21:56

You know the answer already - and I understand how you hurt for your son. All you can do is be there for him. It's crap, I know.
Have an un-Mumsnetty hug.

Lightshines · 17/06/2014 21:58

Sorry to hear about the accident but glad DS is ok.
How old is DS - was he driving or a passenger?
I only ask because actually, if you had already told ex-P that DS was not hurt, there probably was not a lot more he could have done.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 17/06/2014 21:58

Thanks mine

I know I'm clutching at straws here.

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LuisSuarezTeeth · 17/06/2014 21:58

DS is 16, not the driver.

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Hassled · 17/06/2014 22:01

I just don't understand how a parent could send an email like that - it's just beyond my comprehension. I'm sorry - you must feel heartbroken for your DS.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 17/06/2014 22:01

I thought his Dad should know. I thought this might prompt him to contact his son. I was so wrong - now I feel I have made things even worse for DS.

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Tangerinefairy · 17/06/2014 22:03

How awful. I feel for you and your DS. You do wonder though, if this doesn't make him contact his son what will? Why do you feel you have made things worse for him?

LuisSuarezTeeth · 17/06/2014 22:03

Hassled neither do I, but he did.

How do I help DS? We were making progress, DS said "Im going to succeed, no matter what my Dad says"

Today he's defeated. So am I.

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Lightshines · 17/06/2014 22:04

No, in that case YANBU - DS will have had a fright and at the very least his Dad could have got in touch.
Lucky your DS has you to rely on.

Tangerinefairy · 17/06/2014 22:04

Sorry x post. Is it because your son knows you contacted him and therefore knows that he didn't bother to text his son back?

LuisSuarezTeeth · 17/06/2014 22:05

Tangerine because I warned DS his Dad might be in contact - I genuinely thought he would - and now he hasn't. His Dad just texted me back, not his son.

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steff13 · 17/06/2014 22:05

I'm really at a loss for words. It's so horrid, the whole thing. Your poor son. I'm glad he's ok.

If he's really not going to be in your life or your son's life any longer, I'd be tempted to text him every foul, vile thing about him I could think of.

steff13 · 17/06/2014 22:07

Ooops, posted too soon. I know that wouldn't be helpful, but it would make me feel better to tell him off, if you know what I mean.

Tangerinefairy · 17/06/2014 22:07

Ok, yes, I see what you mean. I really feel for you both. My Dd is in a different situation with her dad but it amounts to a similar effect, he basically doesn't seem to be interested in her and she is very hurt by that. It's very hard to witness.

CundtBake · 17/06/2014 22:07

I'm so sorry, I know it's heartbreaking and confusing when the other parent just doesn't give a shit like you do. I can imagine my ExP doing something like that.

So glad your son is not injured.

Have a cuddle, know that you're both allowed to feel shit tonight and tomorrow is a new day. I'm sure you're both shaken up.

Of course your son will succeed with or without his father. He has you on his side.

(And yes, his dad is a dick)

LuisSuarezTeeth · 17/06/2014 22:08

steff I've thought about it, but it won't achieve anything. I've spent years trying to get him to be a father to his son. He won't.

I'm so mad at myself for trying one last time.

I'm so sad for DS.

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unrealhousewife · 17/06/2014 22:09

YANBU
YANBU
YANBU

His father has lost out big time. Has DS got a godfather or other significant male in his life?

PacificDogwood · 17/06/2014 22:11

YANBU.

I am glad your DS is ok.

I think your DS is right though: the best 'revenge' is a life well lived.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 17/06/2014 22:11

unreal no, I wish he had.

I taught him to play football, explained about "boy" stuff, all that kind of thing.

I can't, with the best will in the world, be a Dad. I wish to God I could.

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usualsuspectt · 17/06/2014 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steff13 · 17/06/2014 22:14

Luis, you're right, it won't really do any good. Maybe it would make you and your son feel better if you each wrote him a letter that you don't intend to send, just to get your feelings out?

Does your son have a grandfather or an uncle who can stand in as a father?

Hissy · 17/06/2014 22:15

Wow. Just wow.

Even my prick of an ex was 'father of the year' for the duration of my ds hospital stay.

Your ex is beyond shit.

Can you and your son talk this through? Together? With a therapist perhaps if you don't think you can get through it alone? If you can both detach from him, understand that this man is a write off, and that his decision to be a total prick is in no way any reflection on either of you.

I feel for you both, the shock you're feeling is excruciatingly painful. Try not to internalise or personalise it, this was your ex's decision.

It was wrong, but you can't change it, or him.

Again. So sorry for you both. So glad to hear your ds is ok. I'll be thinking of you both.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 17/06/2014 22:15

usual you're right. I suppose I just keep hoping, and I told his Dad out of a sense of responsibility.

But his Dad doesn't have that does he? I'm going to have to let it go. But I think, what if DS was in hospital? What if his life was in danger? What would I do then?

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Name7 · 17/06/2014 22:16

Did I understand correctly? He text you to say he no longer has a son?

LuisSuarezTeeth · 17/06/2014 22:18

steff the letter idea is a good one

hissy "Try not to internalise or personalise it, this was your ex's decision." this was helpful

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