To feel bad about myself after what my 'friend' said?

(52 Posts)
MuddlingFrew Tue 17-Jun-14 18:59:40

The woman in question is the same age as me; we have a turbulent relationship but on the whole get on ok. However, I do feel like she is very much queen bee and she knows it too!

Now to put this in context, I used to be a very slim size 8. I am now a short size 16.

I have a two year old dd2 and she has a 1 year old son. Today she has messaged me saying how she is thrilled she has lost all her baby weight before her ds first birthday. I congratulated her.

I then got a text back saying yeah I'm so proud to have done it, I haven't even exercised ....on and on it went. Fair enough she's pleased. Although I couldn't help but think she was gloating or having a dig aswell.

I now feel like absolute rubbish sad . My confidence is shot anyway but I now feel like people will be thinking wow xxx has lost her baby weight and muddlingfrew still looks like she swallowed a hippo sad

I used to be a fit fanatic and lost all the baby weight with dd1 but I have really struggled to find the willpower to do it this time.

I work full time and I'm knackered by 7pm! I have also been more focused on a serious health issue over the last year especially. I just seem to try and fail all the time.

AIBU to feel this bad about myself or should I have the courage to think yeah I've put on a bit of weight, it's taken 2 years to shift but hey after my health issue is sorted I can move on and make more time for me ?...

Or am I unreasonably making an excuse for myself? blush

bitsnbobs14 Tue 17-Jun-14 19:03:52

Does your friend know you are unhappy re your weight, if so, then she's being insensitive (that's the nicest way of putting it) if she doesn't know, then she probably doesn't mean anything by it.
I'm sorry you feel so fed up about your weight, but, when the time's right, you can tackle it, you've done it before, you can do it again! Good luck!

MuddlingFrew Tue 17-Jun-14 19:06:29

Yes she knows sad

She sounds like a cunt. You sound like you need to get checked out. I'm seeing an endocrinologist on Thursday as I'm in the same boat as you: shattered, can't lose the baby weight/previous fitness fanatic. My thyroid function is looking decidedly dodgy.

Cornettoninja Tue 17-Jun-14 19:28:06

I wouldn't leap to the conclusion she's rubbing your face in it, no doubt she's firmly wedged both feet in her gob but that's not directing it at you on purpose.

Of course you know her so will have more of a sense of what kind of person she is, but if it's out of character for her then accept you've made it about you simply because it's a sore point.

You'll either get to your target weight again or learn to love your new shape - neither of those have a dicky to do with her really. Don't let yourself go down the route of making it something so sensitive it's a complete taboo even when it's not about you.

PrincessBabyCat Tue 17-Jun-14 19:30:19

My baby weight melted off within 6 weeks I was back to pre-baby weight and in jeans again. I didn't do anything except continue to eat healthy. Yes, I was quite thrilled because I heard horror stories about how baby fat took years to get rid of. But I didn't run around bragging about it to friends that I knew were sensitive about their weight.

It's genetics. If you naturally have a high metabolism, weight isn't going to be a pressing issue. If you don't you'll have to work harder.

She got lucky with good genes, but I wouldn't compare yourself to someone else's genetic makeup. It's just biology. She didn't "earn" that weight loss.

I wouldn't be concerned about your weight if you have more pressing matters to attend to. Just eat as healthy as your lifestyle will allow and tackle it when you have the opportunity.

Stopmithering Tue 17-Jun-14 19:31:15

Perhaps she (mistakenly) thinks she's being encouraging. Some people are not great at psychology!

BunnyPotter Tue 17-Jun-14 19:37:19

I don't know whether you should or shouldn't feel the way you do, but I know I'd be very upset if I received an SMS like that. I too used to be a fitness fanatic, size 8 and then after my first I had a health problem too. Just after finally recovering from that, I got pregnant again and ended up on three months of bed rest. I'm surrounded by women who are stick thin within a few months of delivering and I'm happy for them, but do get really upset about it at times too.

After crying - again - about it to my husband today, I joined a gym. Now all I have to do is go there.. ;-)

Anyway, you're definitely not alone!

CoffeeTea103 Tue 17-Jun-14 19:40:40

I think you are allowing your own insecurities to view this as a dog at you. You say she's queen bee, maybe she's just confident. If you don't really enjoy her company or like her personality why are you still friends with her?

CoffeeTea103 Tue 17-Jun-14 19:40:52

Dig

Thenapoleonofcrime Tue 17-Jun-14 19:47:00

The baby weight melted off me first time around, second time it has clung like sticky glue. I have had to just accept that short of serious exercising or food denial, neither of which I feel like doing when I get in from work, I am going to be podgier than ideal.

I don't think your friend is saying anything about you, just boasting about herself. If she is boastful, people will notice this more than her slimness- just as you are more than your size. Pretty much everyone I know over forty who has had kids is bigger than they would like to be- some exercise a bit, some diet occasionally but I think there is more to life myself. It's up to you to find out if you care enough to change things (I don't and I know this now).

ChickenFajitasAndNachos Tue 17-Jun-14 20:03:57

I don't think she was having a dig at you but show was being an insensitive show of. I think how you feel about yourself is a separate issue. When the time is right you will lose the weight if that is what you want. Dieting only works when you have the right frame of mind. With a 2 year old and a full time job I would have thought just getting through the day is hard enough.

ApocalypseThen Tue 17-Jun-14 20:25:18

She's probably not thinking about you one little bit.

TimeForAnotherNameChange Tue 17-Jun-14 20:34:27

She's really, really not your friend, you know that don't you? Back away quietly but firmly and disengage.

MuddlingFrew Tue 17-Jun-14 20:41:36

I probably am a bit more sensitive about this. I definitely know she's not my friend and I'm in the middle of distancing myself from her egotistical ways

Glittery7 Tue 17-Jun-14 20:48:32

She sounds at best insensitive and at worst a gloating, smug cow.

hmc Tue 17-Jun-14 20:53:16

She's a tad insensitive but I think it is a big leap to assume that she is trying to belittle you. She is probably just really pleased about what she has achieved and perhaps a little evangelical about it

steff13 Tue 17-Jun-14 20:53:17

Regardless of whether it was meant as a dig, the texts you describe are fairly obnoxious. I can't imagine sending someone a text to boast about my fabulous weight loss.

curiousuze Tue 17-Jun-14 20:56:51

I think the OP can probably do without all the replies describing how all the poster's weight just 'melted' away. Just sayin.

nyzz Tue 17-Jun-14 21:05:15

I think your "friend" is a cow! I would slowly back away from her sad

sweetlilacsinspring Tue 17-Jun-14 21:07:48

I have a friend who is a size 32.

I tell her I feel fat, I moan about my size 10s not doing up, I say I am going on a diet.

I'm not a cow. smile I'm just talking to her, you know, as a friend!

rinabean Tue 17-Jun-14 22:16:11

sweetlilacsinspring I've never known a fat woman who doesn't hate thin women who go on and on about "feeling" fat.

OP she's not your friend & you have nothing to feel bad about.

Janethegirl Tue 17-Jun-14 22:23:45

I managed to get into my jeans after my first dc, however after the second it was a completely different matter. I still weigh lots more now than when I was just before dear firstborn arrived. However it doesn't really matter unless you want it to.

sarinka Wed 18-Jun-14 08:07:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Wed 18-Jun-14 08:09:29

Lose 8 stone in five minutes by ditching the bitch 'friend'.

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