To be hesitant about leaving DD with MIL for a week?

(28 Posts)
Dilemma123 Tue 17-Jun-14 10:31:50

In November our nanny goes on holiday for 2 weeks so we need alternative childcare. DD will be one year old by then.

We live overseas with no support network or family nearby, so I suggested to DH that I take a week off work, he takes a week off work, and we cover the two weeks that way. Thats' what many working parents do.

He is reluctant to take a week off (runs his own business) and has instead suggested that his mum flies out for a week and takes care of DD.

As we live overseas, DD has never met MIL (neither have I). Neither of us has even seen her on Skype.

Backstory is that DH has a very fractured relationship with his mum, hasn't seen her himself for ten years, falls out with her regularly. Had an awful childhood (she is an alcoholic, but apprently doesn't drink anymore) and had a succession of unsuitableboyfriends/husbands. Was generally neglectful. He has a lot of issues caused by this tumultuous and damaging childhood.

Even without a child, it would likely be a difficult trip having her come to stay with us given the nature of DH's relationship with her.

Even without the back story I wouldn't be massively keen on leaving my child in the care of someone who is effectively a stranger for a whole week.

With the backstory, I'm hesitant.

AIBU?

CoffeeTea103 Tue 17-Jun-14 10:35:46

Yanbu, you've never met her so i would not be happy with this as well. It's basically getting any stranger to look after her. With her history and with your DH as well I would say no way.

CMOTDibbler Tue 17-Jun-14 10:36:14

YANBU - you've never met her, dd has never met her, your dh hasn't seen her for 10 YEARS. If your dh wants to fix his relationship with his mum, he needs to start the process slowly

ThinkIveBeenHacked Tue 17-Jun-14 10:37:46

YANBU at all.

Do you know anyone who has a nanny or childminder who may be able to help for that one week? Does your Nanny know anyone within her circle who.may be able ti step in?

TimeForAnotherNameChange Tue 17-Jun-14 10:38:28

Under no circumstances would I do that. Your husband has to decide - is he a father or not? If so he needs to get his shit into gear and take the week off and just bloody deal with it. If he continues to flatly refuse, consider your long term future, because you are not in a partnership, that's for sure.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos Tue 17-Jun-14 10:38:41

YANBU.

Nanny0gg Tue 17-Jun-14 10:39:11

Why does he want to leave his daughter with someone he regularly falls out with? Makes no sense. Will he lose a lot of money if he takes time off? Is he not planning on a holiday this year?

Will she even want to do it??

And I personally think it would be madness! Either find a temp that you can introduce to your DD beforehand or take holiday.

BeckAndCall Tue 17-Jun-14 10:39:38

Well if that were a reference for someone you were considering as a temporary nanny, you wouldn't employ her would you? It's not the fact that she's a stranger that's the issue - it's the fact that she was a crap carer for your DH. Why would that be different now?

pinkyredrose Tue 17-Jun-14 10:39:54

Does MIL even want to come out there and be an unpaid childminder?

Ourma Tue 17-Jun-14 10:42:20

YANBU. Why would you husband even suggest this given his own experiences with her? Could you not hire another nanny for the week, yes still a stranger but presumably one who knows what they're doing! Could your nanny recommend someone?

monkeymamma Tue 17-Jun-14 10:46:28

Yabu to be hesitant. Yanbu to say a loud an clear 'no' to this! I can't understand why you'd even contemplate your dh's frankly ludicrous suggestion. Even if mil were a bootie knitting, cake baking rosy cheeked type of granny (doesn't sound like she is) your child has never met her. At 1 my ds was at the height of separation anxiety and we had to put his nursery key workers picture up in our lounge (her suggestion) for weeks before he got used to her. Your child will not react well to a week with a stranger.
Your dh is being enormously u. He will have to get used to taking time off work, what will you do when your child starts school? Find another long lost relative to come and stay?!
On a practical level could you look for a childminder who could take an extra child that week, with plenty of settling in sessions before your nanny goes away? Do you have any relatives you could invite to stay (ones you like and trust!)?

OfficerVanHalen Tue 17-Jun-14 10:49:02

Yanbu. It's shit for your dh, but that's having dc for you - sometimes they cost you money and make you not able to do stuff.

caeleth84 Tue 17-Jun-14 11:22:22

YANBU!

No way in hell would I be ok with that. He doesn't want to take the time off from work so he'll fly out a stranger he doesn't get along with instead? It reads a little unhinged tbh.

atticusclaw Tue 17-Jun-14 11:25:30

Absolutely not. Get a temporary nanny through an agency.

Yanbu, not a chance in hell I'd leave your DD with her. She's a stranger! A temp nanny through an agency is preferable because you can check references etc

DenzelWashington Tue 17-Jun-14 11:30:36

Absolutely no way.

Does your DH even know where MIl is with her life at the moment? How is the not drinking going? It's all very well taking a leap into the unknown by inviting MIL over, but not to hand your daughter over. I'm astonished he thinks this is even a possibility.

scouseontheinside Tue 17-Jun-14 11:32:33

Woah. Here I was preparing to say say "YABU" as I clicked on the link... But YANBU. Given the circumstances - there is no way in hell I'd agree to that.

If your DH owns his own business, can he not work from home?

ClariceBeanthatsme Tue 17-Jun-14 11:32:47

Just a thought but maybe its an excuse for DH to see his mother again? Is that a possibility?

ClariceBeanthatsme Tue 17-Jun-14 11:35:44

Oh and YANBU definitely not

Famzilla Tue 17-Jun-14 11:38:35

Obviously not BU at all. I'm surprised you even need to ask. Couldn't you place DD in nursery temporarily? You could start sending her half a day a week or something ASAP so she gets used to it. Or as others have said, hire a nanny from an agency. Have you got any friends who could do a temporary nanny share?

RiverTam Tue 17-Jun-14 11:41:45

absolutely not U. Either your H will have to step up to the parenting mark or he (I reckon it should be him) can find alternative childcare (nanny share, perhaps?).

I am actually really shocked that he thinks this is appropriate, just to save him taking time off.

Shardlakelover Tue 17-Jun-14 22:21:31

Is your DH mad? How can you even consider this a possibility?

cestlavielife Tue 17-Jun-14 23:28:45

Hire a temp nanny via agency.
YOu can't leave child in care of random stranger which s what mil is

Trained nanny better

parentalunit Wed 18-Jun-14 05:33:24

YANBU at all.

Could you hire a temp nanny/student, and work from home for one or both weeks? It will be a bit of an adjustment for your child, but at least if you're there, the nanny won't just switch on the TV.

LoveBeingInTheSun Wed 18-Jun-14 05:36:23

Has he said why he wants to do that?

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