Friend changing plans to go out to dinner at hers

(56 Posts)
Redmamma Mon 16-Jun-14 14:58:25

6 months ago I introduced my friend (friend A) to my NCT group as she was feeling lonely since all her mum friends had gone back to work. She has one DD who is the same age as ours (2yrs). She has since become part of the group and comes to all the picnics, BBQs, brunches, etc.

Last week one of the group suggested all the mums went out to dinner as we hardly ever meet up all together these days. Everyone settled on this Thursday as the best day. Friend A emailed this morning saying she is broke and would we be able to come to hers for a ready meal and DVD on Thursday instead (and give her some money). The trouble is I think most of the group were really wanting to go out as we all spend lots of time at home in the evenings and somehow going to hers for a ready meal doesn’t sound so exciting.

Am I being unreasonable to think she should just stick to the plan this time and not commit herself to events she can’t afford in future – or just not come? Also how do we tell her we want to stick to the plan of going out? I also feel like because she is ‘new’ to the group everyone will start to resent her for doing this kind of thing (she’s done it before with drinks out).

gingercat2 Tue 17-Jun-14 10:07:36

You're not being unreasonable, she was being cheeky.

Redmamma Tue 17-Jun-14 10:18:17

Oh no I hope she hasn't seen this thread. She's not really a computer person - not on fb or twitter and didn't know wha t a blog was until a few weeks ago!

I hope if she has seen it she would see that I'm just really worried about upsetting her and don't want her to feel excluded. Although I suppose I was a bit annoyed at her trying to hijack the plans.

Ruebarb Tue 17-Jun-14 10:54:58

Hear hear bleeding heart - the people who make the most fuss about cost are not the genuinely hard up - they normally keep quiet and just excuse themselves. Obviously this friend has been able to attend many of the other get togethers so you are not excluding her from everything - if you went out for a restaurant meal every time I could understand her getting upset. There are probably some people going for the meal who could not attend other events - everyone has to accept you cant do everything. I think she is definitely bu to expect you to change your plans for her and you have suggested doing her idea another time - totally reasonable

dustarr73 Tue 17-Jun-14 11:10:44

Why are you worried about upsetting her,she doesnt give a fig about your feelings.Seriousl;y go and enjoy yourself ans stop worrying.

noneofyours Tue 17-Jun-14 11:16:08

OP don't worry so much. If you always change plans for someone else then it ends up that very few people are happy, just like if you wait for everyone in a group to be able to go out to go out then you'll never get there. Much better to arrange and if people can't make then do another night as well and if your friend can't afford it then let her arrange a pizza night another night.

There's been times when I've not been able to afford a dinner or night out, I've just sucked it up, given my apologies and suggested we meet up again in a couple of weeks or offered people over on another, additional, night. Yes, it's shit when you're at home and everyone else is having fun but you can't do it all and you can't expect people to change plans to suit you, or one other person. Especially if it happens a lot.

Vintagejazz Tue 17-Jun-14 12:57:13

It really annoys me when people are constantly changing plans to suit themselves with no regard as to how it's going to inconvenience other people, or ruin a night out for them. I agree that if a group have agreed to treat themselves to a night out in a restaurant then you make a choice whether to go or not to go. What you don't do is expect the entire group to settle for something less just because you don't want to be left out. Then another week you can suggest all getting together for a takeaway or a meal deal or a drink in the pub.

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