to wish that DD could 'win' something, just for once?!

(46 Posts)
toddlerswereeasier Mon 16-Jun-14 14:21:18

DD is 17 and in S6 (Scotland). She has a lovely group of friends but she is always in their shadow.

She gets good marks, but theirs are outstanding. She isn't sporty, they are on all the winning teams. They were first to get boyfriends, they got into 'better' universities etc.

She hasn't been invited to the school awards night. Again. But they are all getting multiple prizes! She works just as hard as anyone else sad

Eebahgum Mon 16-Jun-14 14:38:46

Ah bless her. How is she feeling about all this? I.e. is the win more important to you or to her? What does she excel at? It often feels like you're missing out when you compare yourself to a whole group of people but I'm guessing the girls she is friends with each excel in one of those areas - if she compared herself 1-1 she would probably find she is better at many things.

HayDayQueen Mon 16-Jun-14 14:39:50

Going to different universities sounds like a blessing then.

Oh bless her heart. My dd is friends with two 'exceptional' girls and it can be hard. But does it bother you more than her? I was never bothered by my lack of prizes.

toddlerswereeasier Mon 16-Jun-14 14:42:59

She's quite down about it all. I don't care about what prizes she does or doesn't get, but it's so hard for her not to compare herself to them.

BikeRunSki Mon 16-Jun-14 14:53:21

I've noticed this with my 5 yo. He is only on Reception and he is pretty good at everything, just not exceptional at anything. He is not bad at anything either. I suspect he could go all the way through school without being noticed, even though he's pretty good. Every Friday I pick him up and have to comfort him for not bring Star of the Week, even when he's tried really hard.

PumpkinPie2013 Mon 16-Jun-14 14:54:56

It must be hard for your dd (and you!) to feel her efforts are not recognised by school.

I was similar to your dd in that I got good grades but was quiet and not sporty so never really got noticed.

However when I went to University there were so many clubs/societies and like minded people on my course that I made friends and found new things which interested me and I was good at.

I much preferred Uni to school and by going somewhere different to her friends in September she will be able to find her interests and talents without feeling she is in someone's shadow.

what is she studying at University?

toddlerswereeasier Mon 16-Jun-14 15:09:24

She's going to be a teacher, and she is really looking forward to starting. It just feels a bit of a sour note to end school on, which is a pity.

effinandjeffin Mon 16-Jun-14 15:17:46

Aw, I feel for your dd.

My son is 8 and like others have said he is a good all rounder but not outstanding at anything and it would probably do his confidence good if he could just get a prize for something (anything!). It always seems to the same kids that get noticed and rewarded at his school too.

Oh bless your DD. I wonder if she can find her own 'skills' to be proud of. What about through volunteering? Young volunteers (16-25yrs) can achieve awards through volunteering plus the personal satisfaction of helping others

ClockWatchingLady Mon 16-Jun-14 15:21:48

That sounds hard. But there may be some serious silver linings. Getting addicted to praise and recognition can be a real problem, for both mental health and achievement. If she is continuing to work hard, and plans to be a teacher, without those things, that really is ace.

Mrsjayy Mon 16-Jun-14 15:23:42

Oh dd is I 6th yr too she isnt getting an award either yanbu I was gutted for her and she was upset all her pals got something, I get whatyoyr saying its not a great feeling that your dd is over looked , has she left or just gone into 6th

Mrsjayy Mon 16-Jun-14 15:26:17

Oh she is a leaving 6th yr och I know its hard for you and her dds was for 5th yr she hss worked her backside off meh to schools

TheIronGnome Mon 16-Jun-14 15:28:53

University will probably be the best thing for her- she'll be around such a diverse group of people, she'll find some just like her and will be able to control her own fate a lot more than she probably feels she can at the moment.

I wasnt one of the 'popular' girls at school, but came into my own a bit at college, ad totally at university. Not really because I changed all that much, but just because I found more people I had more in common with, and who were more like me!

I know what you mean about being addicted to praise. DD's 'exceptional' friends cry if they don't win stuff. And the parent of one goes in to complain when they haven't come top.

Interesting that your dd wants to be a teacher. She will probably make sure that all her pupils achieve recognition for something during their school life.

ICanSeeTheSun Mon 16-Jun-14 17:43:43

Listen she has got into university, which is a huge achievement in my book.

Her success will be her own reward.

ICanSeeTheSun Mon 16-Jun-14 17:47:07

I like what my school did, awards night was the night all nation record of achievements.

But in the day we held our own awards night, like fag ash lil award, most boring, sexiest girl, sexiest boy ect. ( us pupil made up the awards)

That would create havoc at DD's school grin

HermioneWeasley Mon 16-Jun-14 17:49:40

Comparison is the thief of joy. It's hard for her now. I was exceptionally mediocre at school, stood out in no way. When I entered the world of work I did really rather well as I discovered there are lots of ways to be clever. My ability to get to the heart of an issue quickly which had meant I underscored in an academic environment was valued fast paced commercial ones.

She will find her place and be happy.

thebodylovesspring Mon 16-Jun-14 17:50:47

Pumpkin makes am excellent point in that schools, even big ones, are small pools with a few big fish.

Uni life is massive, there are clubs and interests galore and your dd may find her chance to shine.

My oldest ds joined the navel studies club for a laugh, he did robotic engineering and wanted a career in that, but now he's joined the navy as an officer. Amazing.

Your dd may also find that the hard work she has to out in really helps her cope with the self discipline of uni where her naturally clever friends may yet struggle to come yo terms with being small fish in a big pool.

And if she does become a teacher I bet this will make her a bloody understanding nice one.

She's got into uni, she is an achiever.

glammanana Mon 16-Jun-14 17:53:52

Just let her be herself and she will blossom when she gets to Uni,you say she has a good group of friends so you have given her a really good grounding for making friends etc so stop worrying she will be amazing I'm sure.

nothingtodotoday Mon 16-Jun-14 18:00:27

Teaching is really hard to get into at uni...she should be proud. Where will she be going?

Maryz Mon 16-Jun-14 18:04:43

dd spent six years in secondary school.

In that time she didn't win a single award/prize/sports trophy/anything. She got no recognition whatsoever for anything she did.

But neither did she ever get put on report, or suspended, or excluded or even (to my knowledge) even get a detention.

Personally I think she has done bloody well - and I tell her this a lot. But yes, even a "tryer" prize, just once, would have been nice.

Mnippy Mon 16-Jun-14 18:04:46

Tell her this: of everyone I knew at school, the sporting and academic achievements they had upon leaving bears NO correlation (positive or negative) to their career, domestic, financial success now, ten years down the line. None whatsoever. Hard work, good luck, that is what matters.

MizLizLemon Mon 16-Jun-14 18:06:17

I feel for your DD, that happened to me. In my last year at secondary, before I left for 6th form college I actually told one of the teachers that I had never won anything in my whole school career. At prize giving I finally got a prize, it was for "services to drama", I had stage managed the school play that year. I knew that my teacher meant well, but I also knew that it was a bullshit prize she'd made up because she felt sorry for me, and that made it worse somehow.

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