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I am. And ungrateful. Slap some sense into me!

(49 Posts)
TheListingAttic Mon 16-Jun-14 13:49:07

Got home from holiday to discover pil, who'd kindly been on pet-sitting duty, had taken it upon themselves to fix up the raised plant bed in our little back yard. WITHOUT ASKING.

Yes, it was a bit overgrown and weedy. Yes, it did need a tidy up. Yes, we haven't made the most of it, bar planting a few herbs and some bulbs round the edges. But aibu to think that you ASK someone before you decide to re-landscape their sodding garden for them! Perhaps I didn't want the whole thing covering in woodchip? Perhaps I don't share your taste in dangling garden ornaments? Perhaps I didn't want it filled with tacky, garish pots, and random oddments of flowers, so it looks like the end-of-line bargain display in a shite garden centre? Perhaps I actually liked the tulips that were a fucking present from my fucking parents and which you have destroyed?!

I get that they were trying to do something nice, to help out with something we haven't got round to, and have spent considerable time and money on it. It is a lot tidier, and it will be easier to manage with just pots in flowers. Also, I am bad for getting in a snit when someone steps on my toes like this - I know, in the logical part of my brain, that it isn't meant this way, but it really feels like a pointed comment: well, you obviously weren't making the effort/a go of it, so we did it for you, you silly little child who can't even cope with a little bit of bedding soil.

I am blowing this out of all proportion and being very ungrateful. I know this. But I am also pissed off and grinding my teeth whenever I look out of the window at it! Grrr!!!

Well I'm glad you know you're ungrateful and bu. Makes posting so much quicker!

Maybe they just thought they would be nice to you. Horrid fuckers. How dare they?

SocialMediaAddict Mon 16-Jun-14 13:55:48

Pet sitting and gardening for you.

They are toxic. Go no contact.

Seriously I hope you said thanks!!

Bifauxnen Mon 16-Jun-14 13:56:48

I admit I would be pissed off about the tulips. Can you reorganise it more to your tastes? Then maybe you would feel a bit more grateful, if only for the provision of the basic materials?
It is a bit cheeky to do anything without asking though.

HayDayQueen Mon 16-Jun-14 13:58:19

Oh you poor thing! You hate it and have to say thank you through gritted teeth because you know they're just being nice!

How big an area is it? How long will it take you to 'undo' all their helpful assistance?

bitsnbobs14 Mon 16-Jun-14 13:58:40

Its tricky, they did it out of kindness, but I can't help wondering how they would feel if you did the same to their garden. It was a little presumptious on their part.

AlpacaLypse Mon 16-Jun-14 14:00:39

Actually you have every right to be pissed off, I'd be furious if my tulip bulbs were trashed.

Rideronthestorm Mon 16-Jun-14 14:00:59

You said it yourself. YABVU.

fluffyraggies Mon 16-Jun-14 14:01:37

It was meant well. We can all see that.

But how many of us would re-arrange/change something quite major like this - belonging to our adult child and their partner - without asking? I wouldn't.

TimeForAnotherNameChange Mon 16-Jun-14 14:02:03

Bin the ornaments and pots without guilt, life's too short. Buy some gorgeous tulips (potted or bulbs, I'm no gardener so don't know what's available right now!) and spend half an hour doing a nice display. That way you get rid of the crap but don't undo all their hard work. Everybody's happy.

rinabean Mon 16-Jun-14 14:04:19

You don't have to be grateful that someone has ruined a present from your parents. Redecorating is completely OTT and never reasonable to do when someone has left you the keys to their house. I would say thanks and change the locks (if you don't want to make waves by asking for the keys back) and never ask them to do anything again. I mean, what were they doing in your house if that's what they'd do to your garden?

This isn't like, "oh they mowed the lawn and they mowed the bulbs down too, they weren't finished yet!" - they redecorated.

TheListingAttic Mon 16-Jun-14 14:04:55

Hmmm. That's less of a flaming than I was expecting so far! I did say thank you (and I didn't need DH to issue strict instructions that I had to, although he kindly reminded me).

I had to literally bite my tongue to stop myself asking if they'd actually dug up the tulips or just trashed them, and whether they might regrow next year if I thin the wood chipping and keep it well watered. (Might need to continue biting my tongue on that one for some time. They were a present from my parents! Who asked us if we'd like some!!)

HarpyFishwifeTwat Mon 16-Jun-14 14:05:09

This is the kind of thing that drives me mad so I don't think YABU (much). It's the making everything their taste that pisses me off. Our garden is lovely apart from the two plants FIL insisted on planting which look totally out of place.

MIL offered to tidy the freezer yesterday so that it was more like hers. Then welled up when I said no. I think sometimes parents have a little difficulty accepting they are dealing with adults who have their own preferences.

In the grand scheme of things it's not that bad. Just annoying

museumum Mon 16-Jun-14 14:05:57

Pet-sitting as in staying in your home? or just popping in to feed cats?

If they were staying in your home then I guess they felt they needed something to occupy their time and they thought this would be a nice thing to do.

Unless there's some massive backstory I would doubt very much it was meant as a dig (ha ha) at your gardening abilities. That's a very odd way to see the world.

museumum Mon 16-Jun-14 14:08:00

However, no harm in asking them if they've removed the tulip bulbs or not... just so they know they were in there.

SixImpossible Mon 16-Jun-14 14:09:40

Are you sure the tulips have been destroyed? It's time to cut away the leaves and let them go dormant until next spring, so you wouldn't be seeing them now, anyway. If your PILs are gardener a they should know this and may just have cut them back for you.

I get your irritation, though!

But wood chip will darken to soil colour by next year, and it will help keep weeds down, so should make things easier for you. Plants in pots can be IMO more work, as they need more watering. Why not plant the ones you like, and the ones you don't like....may die if it's a dry summer.

lljkk Mon 16-Jun-14 14:11:44

I feel your pain, OP.

Age 17, I came home form a month's holiday to find my parents had stripped the wallpaper & were going to repaint my room.

Only they didn't finish. I was grounded until I finished painting the sodding room. Which I didn't care about in the slightest.

HayDayQueen Mon 16-Jun-14 14:14:51

You were grounded???!!!! shock

Bit bloody harsh!

MardyBra Mon 16-Jun-14 14:14:53

YANBU. Does mil have some china figurines or ornaments that need replacing with something more to your taste? And when are they due to go on holiday next...?

PrincessBabyCat Mon 16-Jun-14 14:17:27

This is the kind of thing that drives me mad so I don't think YABU (much). It's the making everything their taste that pisses me off. Our garden is lovely apart from the two plants FIL insisted on planting which look totally out of place.

Yes, I'd be upset if someone cleaned my house and redecorated it to their tastes and not mine. At the very least they should have asked you.

I really hate favors like this where you're cringing and can't say anything other than "thank you".

Topaz25 Mon 16-Jun-14 14:17:30

They were trying to help but I can understand your irritation. If they had offered to help with the gardening it would have been a nice gesture, this just seems like taking over. It's like redecorating your house really, obviously you're not going to share the same taste. I don't think it would BU to politely ask about the tulips. Since your DH expects you to be so grateful for this unwanted gift from his parents then he should understand how much the gift from your parents means to you.

restandpeace Mon 16-Jun-14 14:17:40

I can totally see why your pissed off.

TheListingAttic Mon 16-Jun-14 14:19:35

SixImpossible Will they just regrow next year, if they're still in there, even through the woodchip? I'll be less annoyed if they haven't been completely trashed.

The dangly shit is going straight in the bin, and I may replace the more painted-by-an-overenthusiastic-six-year-old pots with something a bit more muted. Then I think counselling myself that they were really trying to do us a favour and meant well is the way to go. At least until some of it starts to die off...

littlepeas Mon 16-Jun-14 14:20:24

Oh, I totally get this. I returned home from the school run recently to find my mil striding around in the garden and my fil mowing our lawn. They didn't tell us they were coming. Our gardener had been that day and prepped the lawn, so he could come back and finish it off in a couple of days and my fil undid all his work. I just got back in the car and took the dc to the park (they hadn't seen me) and got back after they'd left. I don't think you should take it upon yourself to do things to someone's house or garden without prior permission, however helpful you think it would be.

restandpeace Mon 16-Jun-14 14:20:46

Its just dawned on me, i' m like your pil. I bought my dd a new light fitting and had an electrican put it up when she was on a school trip. I also bought paint but din't get round to decorating... She hates the paint!

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