To think some people really are just attention seeking?

(25 Posts)
bloominbumpy Sat 14-Jun-14 09:33:26

I read so many posts on here that make me go hmmm..

These I have to say are normally relationship or partner based, somewhere along the lines of something small like partner doesn't help with washing up which then all of a sudden turns into "he is a completely lazy pig bastard who treats me like crap and not only does he not wash up he doesn't help with anything else etc etc"

am I the only one who thinks sometimes these people know "he's an arsehole" but just want everyone else to scream LTB and spill out the oh poor you replies? Or infact they are just a bit trolly.

Maybe im just overly suspicious...

Must add that I don't mean the posts where people are really questioning abuse, just the ones that 3 replies in are drip feeding sudden amounts of information like "he doesn't let me do this etc"

meh maybe it's the hormones too!

Morethanalittlebitconfused Sat 14-Jun-14 09:38:03

Sometimes it takes someone else saying LTB for the final piece of the puzzle to slot into place and give you the impetus to leave

So YABU a bit

LuisSuarezTeeth Sat 14-Jun-14 10:51:40

It's just the way some people tackle it. Start with something trivial while they are forming their thoughts about it.

If you look at it like that, ALL posts are attention seeking. A little tolerance goes a long way.

Canthisonebeused Sat 14-Jun-14 11:00:46

We'll all posts are attention seeking. I think your examples are unfair tbh, particularly using relationships.

sometimes drip feeding is inevitable when someone posts, as often they either fear facing the bigger picture or they don't quite really know if they are being rational. Many emotionally abusive content can often start with the trivial things as many people have lots all perspective of what is reasonable or unreasonable behaviour anymore.

Some posts do have me rolling my eyes, but I would say the tend to be more of the self indulgent and boast threads.

Mandatorymongoose Sat 14-Jun-14 11:04:32

I read a quote recently when doing some reading around self harm:

If someone is seeking attention, it's probably because they need it.

bloominbumpy Sat 14-Jun-14 11:18:22

Perhaps it is just that I get suspicious then!

I think it just gets to me that people will post things simply for attention rather than genuine issues if that makes sense. In a "have you got nothing better to do?" But then I worry that it's just how I view it and am being mean or quick to judge. Hence this post.

I'll just continue to keep my mouth shut, my views on relationships can be a bit iffy anyway haha.

Canthisonebeused Sat 14-Jun-14 11:45:51

I thinks it's always wise to hold off being brutal on threads such as relationships, education etc and save those for AIBU.

TiredCassandra Sat 14-Jun-14 11:48:32

YABU, not everyone has the same brain/values as others and some people just need to be around people who give them permission to get their head out of the sand.

deakymom Sat 14-Jun-14 13:31:33

sometimes you cant see the wood for the trees and you need a person to say it first your not being stupid he is controlling you and you should leave! even if you don't (leave) it's still nice to get validation even if its from strangers

mrssmith79 Sat 14-Jun-14 13:33:10

YANBU. I purposefully never comment on (and rarely read tbh) posts in Relationships. I was always brought up to respect that it's dangerous and wrong to pass comment or judgement without being in possession of full facts and both sides of a story.

That's not to say there isn't some valuable advice doled out in some threads but it's not something I feel comfortable wading into.

whynowblowwind Sat 14-Jun-14 13:35:09

For me, I know when DH is being horrible but I find it very, very hard to articulate why. Mumsnet has helped me hugely in this. Put bluntly, some people me are not very bright, and you can know something is wrong but not know why. When someone tells you why it's wrong, it helps.

(I don't mean everyone with an arsey partner is lacking intelligence, by the way, I'm just explaining how it is/was for me.)

matildasquared Sat 14-Jun-14 13:44:29

Disclosing major abuse or conflict right away is impossibly scary. It's easier to divulge something relatively minor first--less shame involved. Then if there is a sympathetic response, the major things gradually come to light.

matildasquared Sat 14-Jun-14 13:46:21

I've discussed problems with my partner here that I wouldn't mention to real-life friends. There is the question of loyalty: I don't want to embarrass my husband by telling one of our mutual friends about a jerky comment he made which pissed me off.

If there were abuse or something major involved, there'd be the shame factor too.

twofingerstoGideon Sat 14-Jun-14 13:51:33

Sometimes people just come on for a rant. I've done it when my teenager has been playing up. I don't want RL friends to judge her from a snapshot of her behaviour, but I want to let off steam. I think quite a lot of people do this on MN and why not?

ppplease Sat 14-Jun-14 13:54:57

Ideally I like people to say that they are just ranting. Then they can rant away.
I dont like it when it is phrased as if they want help and answers, when really they are just letting off steam.
This doesnt just happen on Relationships.

I agree that all posts we write are attention seeking, otherwise what's the point of posting on a forum.

There are some posters however that have a whinge about their obvious tit of a Husband or partner and after posting don't come back cos they're not going to do anything about it and can't be arsed with their thread anymore.

Sometimes they namechange and complain about exactly the same problem a few months later and continue to whinge but do fuck all about their situation, now that pisses me off no end.

ppplease Sat 14-Jun-14 13:58:40

The older I get, the more sorry I get for those in rl and on here who need to attention seek sad

ouryve Sat 14-Jun-14 14:02:34

Sometimes, a partner not doing the dishes on a given occasion is just the last straw. Sometimes, the person posting has normalised everything else so much that one little thing that they can't accept becomes that little corner that allows a whole strip of wallpaper to be torn off, revealing the mess underneath.

Any more analogies and I could probably be rightly accused of attention seeking.

kim147 Sat 14-Jun-14 14:05:33

Sometimes people need to attention seek because no one is paying them attention and they need someone to listen.

Which is probably pretty obvious - but life is hard if no one's listening to you.

TiredCassandra Sat 14-Jun-14 14:14:23

Kim147, well said, people do look down on attention seeking, sometimes the attention seeker posting today has kept quiet, lingered in the background and been ignored for years.

ppplease Sat 14-Jun-14 16:06:35

The 2 women I know who attention seek, different families, are getting plenty of attention. Probably too much.
But they have some deep seated opinion that someone doesnt love them. Which is just not true. It is sad to watch.

Ouryve I love that, it's spot on.

PrincessBabyCat Sat 14-Jun-14 16:24:54

(I don't mean everyone with an arsey partner is lacking intelligence, by the way, I'm just explaining how it is/was for me.)

Being intelligent and being able to articulate yourself aren't mutually exclusive. wink

I'm with this.

Feelings aren't always easy to put words to. They don't follow logic and it's not like you can just read a life manual to trouble shoot what the hell is going on in your brain.

So sometimes hearing someone go "Oh, when your DP does X, it could mean X" or "It's not the dishes, it's the fact that his attitude says X" can help people pin point why they're so upset about a seemingly trivial thing.

But that said, it's a forum. If someone wants attention, I don't see the harm because unlike real life you can hide the thread or wander off to a different conversation and revisit later if you want.

AcrossthePond55 Sat 14-Jun-14 16:46:58

When you've been marginalized and made to feel in RL that your complaints aren't valid, or have suffered abuse for voicing them, I think it's normal to be very hesitant in letting everything out at once, even on a message board. It would be normal to voice a small complaint/problem, then step back and see if you are again abused or slammed. Also many people are ashamed because they feel they have 'let' their lives get so off the track they expected to be on. They are afraid they'll be call fools, idiots, or much worse. If you see that people are supporting you, then you feel 'safe' in putting your whole story out.

Kind of like swimming, first you stick a toe in to see how the water is. If it's ok, you dive in.

Not to say there aren't 'drama queens' or 'first world problems' but I believe that the majority of posters are sincerely asking for help, or at least a listening ear.

DejaVuAllOverAgain Sat 14-Jun-14 17:07:04

Many women are socialised to believe that any relationship is better than being on their own. Sometimes they just need to hear that that isn't always the case, that they don't have to be in a relationship that is bad or indeed any relationship they don't want to be in.

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