Am I being unfair?

(14 Posts)
Imsuchamess Sat 14-Jun-14 09:11:25

I have been struggling. I am a sahm, dh works 8-5. I have scizoaffective disorder and have been psychotically depressed for a year. I have three dc with sn 1 severe. I am having severe bad stomachs and sometimes can barely walk I am awaiting a colonoscopy and endoscopy.

So me and dh decided I should cut back on housework. So I now clean the whole house except the kitchen. Dh has taken over the cleaning of the kitchen, cooking and shopping. Me and dh are happy with this.

However my mum is not. She spent ages a while back trying to convince dh I don't have scizoaffective disorder I have had cpn to confirm to her I do have this. She says I should stop moaning about my stomach as it is just a bad belly. She saw dh doing the shopping and gave him a half hour lecture about how he shouldn't be doing this. Then came up the next day to have a go at me.

So am I being unfair by letting dh help as much?

bragmatic Sat 14-Jun-14 09:13:40

No.

Has your mother always tried to undermine you?

cheepsskram Sat 14-Jun-14 09:16:01

No. What a cow your mother is.

BlackeyedSusan Sat 14-Jun-14 09:16:10

He should be helping more. That's what you do in a partnership when one is ill.

Sod your mum, she is wrong and interferring where she has no right to. The NHS would not be sending you for tests that cost them money if they did not think you needed it. Only you know how much it hurts... your mum could not possibly know.

MidniteScribbler Sat 14-Jun-14 09:18:39

So he cleans one room and you clean the rest of the house? That's big of him.

Morethanalittlebitconfused Sat 14-Jun-14 09:40:10

midnite that's a cruel thing to say. He's a full time worker and does all things kitchen related including cooking and shopping whilst the OP is a Sahm so I think personally that's a fair arrangement

OP your mums a twat cut her out of your life and move on

Scrounger Sat 14-Jun-14 09:47:42

If you are both happy with this and it is helping you then carry on and ignore her. Agree with everyone else, sod your mum it is nothing to do with her. Why does she think that she has more knowledge than qualified doctors & surgeons about your medical condition. She seems to be making a perverse decision in the face of evidence to the opposite. Don't waste your energy on trying to persuade her she is wrong she is wilfully ignoring the experts.

DoJo Sat 14-Jun-14 09:52:02

If you're happy and your arrangement helps you to manage your mental and physical health then nobody else's opinion matters at all. If your mum isn't doing anything but making you feel bad, then her input is unwelcome - it might not be easy to tell her so, but you should consider reducing the amount you tell her about your domestic arrangements to give her less to moan about.

Fluffyears Sat 14-Jun-14 09:52:48

Tell her this is how things work in YOUR home not HERS.

TheBuskersDog Sat 14-Jun-14 09:57:51

Your mum's opinion on the division of labour in your house is irrelevant, regardless of your health, working situation, number of children etc.

It has nothing to do with her or anyone else as long as you and your husband are happy with it.

Preciousbane Sat 14-Jun-14 09:58:17

If your Mum can be that callous I wonder how much she affects your MH. My Dsis has bipolar which I think belongs to the same grouping of MH conditions as yours. We have an absolutely vile Mother who undermines everyone apart form her go,den child and though my sister would have this condition my Mother most certainly doesn't help.

Your Mother should be nurturing you and whatever arrangements you make in your home are between you and your DH.

caruthers Sat 14-Jun-14 10:01:58

No you are not being unfair.

You sound lovely forget what your Mum says.

Imsuchamess Sat 14-Jun-14 10:13:20

Thanks all I actually hate my mother. I had my first psychotic episode at 13 and even though my dad tried to get me mental health help my mother refused. When I was 15 I attempted suicide and ended up in hospital a month and she had no choice but to let me have mental health treatment. But she lied to them about family history of scizophrenia and bipolar which led to me being misdiagnosed.

She spent years conditioning me to believe I had no mental health problems and it was just my imagination so I suffered alone.

Then when I was 22 I was with my husband and had a major psychotic episode and he persuaded me to get help which is when I was diagnosed.

I would go no contact tbh if it was just me but my mother is excellent with the dc and my sister for some reason (it's just me she treats this way) so I don't want to cut contact as the dc love her to pieces.

I am however going to stop letting her know details of my physical and mental health and my domestic situation.

StrawberryGashes Sat 14-Jun-14 10:20:50

Dp does the kitchen, some of the cooking and we do the shopping together (although he carries most of the bags), and I'm not ill, just pregnant. You're not being unfair at all, your mum is being incredibly unreasonable, unsupportive and interfering.

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