To wonder of If I have made a massive mistake sometimes?

(37 Posts)
KeepOnPloddingOn Sat 14-Jun-14 06:56:50

Is it normal to question your rlship? I do love my dh, but we do seem to bicker a lot...

I sometimes think I have rushed into having babies and settling down to simply 'do the right thing' and be happy. Which I am, I might add. My dd brings me immeasurable joy... But I do worry dh and I are just not for eachother when we argue.

AIBU ? Is this just normal when young and in the midst of babies and pregnancies and dh working long hours....

Espressotini Sat 14-Jun-14 07:00:34

Can't tell you if it's normal, but I definitely do the same! I think having children puts a massive strain on everything and, brilliant though it is, makes life really hard work for a while.

How old are your dc?

crispyporkbelly Sat 14-Jun-14 07:01:31

I feel the same...

Really questioning it right now but it's so hard to end it when you have a young child and wonder if you're ending it for not a big enough reason.

There just doesn't seem to be much love now.

Delphiniumsblue Sat 14-Jun-14 07:03:23

I think relationships just suffer with long hours, being busy and lack of sleep. Lack of enough sleep makes anything difficult.
Try and make time for yourselves and make use of any babysitters. It might be difficult right at this moment, but as they are weaned make time for yourselves.

Eebahgum Sat 14-Jun-14 07:23:33

I feel like that too. Never thought I'd stay with someone "for the children" but if it wasn't for ds think I might have walked away by now.

KeepOnPloddingOn Sat 14-Jun-14 07:35:27

Thank God I am not alone. I feel so awful even writing this. I will always love dh I think- I just feel our rlship is strained. I do not want us to break up. Definitely not. I am pregnant and he and age 14 months. Things hve been really good up until recently. Its not like I got pregnant when miserable with him, we were in a good place. Now we are not. I feel sorry for him a se must sense I get annoyed and frustrated about our rlship- but he does too.

KeepOnPloddingOn Sat 14-Jun-14 07:36:58

And have a dd age 14 months * that should have read!

RosiePosiePing Sat 14-Jun-14 07:38:16

Yes, the same here. I have two lovely DC 2 &3, my life is good. DH and I married and had DC just over a year later as we're both older.

Some days I just feel we aren't compatible and that I want a more balanced relationship. Deep down I don't think I'd ever do anything about it but I do sometimes think is this really it?

Maybe we're sold an ideal that doesn't exist?

KeepOnPloddingOn Sat 14-Jun-14 07:38:42

I feel really bad too as his mum said we should split up a while ago which result in a huge fall out. Now I am here questioning thins sad

At the time we were happy though, so his mum was genuinely just being a cunt- ha. I still feel like a fraud though.

KeepOnPloddingOn Sat 14-Jun-14 07:40:04

rosie I often think that too. Then feel really greedy and ungrateful, as dh is a lovely man (though not without faults!)

parentalunit Sat 14-Jun-14 07:43:31

His mum sounds charming shock but just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I love my husband to bits, but every time I get pregnant or when our children are < 1 year old, it's REALLY rocky for a bit. Then things get way better. Currently pregnant again, but this time I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel smile

Nobody is perfect and no relationship is perfect. I think people start seeing and maybe even looking for flaws after a few years, and it takes discipline to stay positive.

thanks

headlesslambrini Sat 14-Jun-14 07:47:35

My DC are older now -12 and 15 and yes i felt exactly like this when they were younger. Met dh at 21yrs, married at 23yrs, first child at 26yrs. Dh works long hours, I went back to work full time doing everything child and home related. Now though i feel like the dcs arent as dependent on me and i am finally getting some time to myself again and starting to pick up my interests. Dh and i are stronger than ever and I love him more than I ever have. We had a good foundation before the DCs came along which helped me to get over those feelings.

I think it a common feeling that alot of people go through. Try to make time at least once a month for just the two of you.

tumbletumble Sat 14-Jun-14 07:48:26

It's really hard when your DC are small to find the time and effort to invest in your relationship. DH and I went through a rough patch when ours were young (we had 3 under 4) but things are great between us now (the DC are 4, 6 and 8) and I'm so glad we worked through it.

Delphiniumsblue Sat 14-Jun-14 07:55:03

I think most people feel like that- I certainly did because you get no time to be 'you', it is all taken up with being 'mummy'.
Looking back it goes quickly ( although it seems for ever at the time). As soon as they are old enough get them staying over with grandparents, or get grandparents staying in your house and go away for a night. Find babysitters. A change is good for the children too.
Reclaim time as a couple. It now all seems over in a blink and we, hopefully, have decades with just us - which is why you need to find the time earlier with babysitters etc.
At your present stage don't worry too much- you are bound to have the babies taking over all.

MrsWinnibago Sat 14-Jun-14 09:46:35

When the DC are small it is VERY hard work. Mine are bigger now...6 and 9 and it makes a massive difference. Toddlers and babies are HUGE work.

annielewis Sat 14-Jun-14 09:55:53

I could have written your exact post, we are in the same boat and like pp I think I'd have walked by now too if not for the kids. We've had counselling etc too when the arguments have got quite bad but we do fundamentally love each other and want to be together. I think sleep deprivation and outside stress from work/family etc is massively underestimated! Small kids are exhausting as well! I'm working on the MN 'this too will pass' method for now! grin

weatherall Sat 14-Jun-14 09:59:28

I think it's normal.

Society isn't set up to make life for young families easy.

It's a lot harder than it should be.

Coconutty Sat 14-Jun-14 10:05:17

I could happily have left DH when the DCs were small and I'm sure he could have happily left me too.

The early years are hard but imo it gets easier and better. We've been married nearly 20 years now and I am so glad we battled through it and stuck together.

I would not wish to be with anyone else now and we are very happy.

Preciousbane Sat 14-Jun-14 10:23:19

Having dc changes everything but we still kept many other facets to our lives.

I suppose we are both very independent people and still needed to be. So we do stuff as a family as a couple and also most importantly alone.

flingingmelon Sat 14-Jun-14 10:39:00

DH and I have an 11mo and I want to leave him about once every three days. I know about ten other mums with DCs under two who feel exactly the same. I think DH feels the same too. Usually I love him very much, I'm convinced it's just a not very nice phase hmm

flingingmelon Sat 14-Jun-14 10:41:01

Also hugs to all, I hope more people post because I find that knowing other people are in the same boat very reassuring.

crispyporkbelly Sat 14-Jun-14 11:45:40

Did everyone who's saying they could've left their dps want to because of lack of affection, intimacy, support etc?

What were the issues?

Op, I'm wondering you mentioned you're preg if hormones are playing a part, as I couldn't stand my partner through a lot of it

MehsMum Sat 14-Jun-14 11:46:46

When my kids were little they were, like little kids, demanding. My DH worked stupid hours so he was grumpy, stressed and demanding. I was totally knackered. I used to toy with the idea of slamming the bloody front door behind me shutting the door, nipping round to the bank, emptying the savings account and flying off to Rio.

I didn't. I loved the kids and the DH when I wasn't too knackered to think about such things and stuck it out. Little kids now much bigger kids, DH has better perspective on his job and works (slightly) shorter hours and life is luvverly.

It's like climbing a hill. The view from the top (or, at any rate, this particular slope) is worth the effort.

olivespickledonions Sat 14-Jun-14 13:02:38

My kids are older but I feel like this, on and off.
I think yes, we are sold an ideal that doesn't exist, but as long as you realise this you can muddle through.
'Is he a good man?' is the question I ask myself if I feel I'm having a wobble. If the answer is yes, then it's worth sticking with it.

parentalunit Sun 15-Jun-14 01:49:08

In my husband's culture they call married couples newlyweds until they have children.

I used to think it was slightly odd. Now that we have children, it makes SO MUCH SENSE!

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